2008 Movie #99 - Son of Rambow
One movie away from number one fucking hundred. That's insane! I really can't help but wonder what the final number is going to be. I figure it will be somewhere in the 150-160 range, depends on how many of the smaller movies I start to see between now and the end of the year. Still, really hard to believe how far I've come and that my next movie will be one that celebrates such a huge milestone.
Son of Rambow was another movie I've had sitting on the ole computer for months and months, always thought "hey I should watch that one", but then just never did. As with In Bruges it's really too bad I didn't watch this one earlier because it's damn good.
This movie can be described in a way that very few movies I've seen this year can...it's a sweet movie. Not sweet as in awesome but sweet as in "awwww". You really don't get very many movies like that these days and it's refreshing to see one. It's a movie that makes you smile and leaves you feeling good afterwards. It also leaves you really wanting to make your own movie, a feeling I have most of the time anyway.
That's really all I have to say about this movie, it's just pleasant. It has characters you actually care about and you become invested in their story. You want good things to happen to them, which is great because most 2008 movie characters I want to see lawn mowered in the fucking face. Plus any movie that has a scarecrow as the main villain is alright with me.
The movie does nothing groundbreaking but it's a sweet story with great characters and it is overall an uplifting little movie. Check this one out.
*** 1/2 / 5
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Shawn's Postal Review
2008 Movie #98 - Postal
Well Wolverinefan you asked for it and here it is, my Postal review. I can tell you right now though, you aren't gonna be happy with what I have to say. I'm not going to go into all of my Uwe Boll opinions since I already did that way back with movie #2 (I think that was the number), In the Name of the King. In a quick recap though, aside from some cheap laughs provided by House of the Dead, I am not a fan. Do I think he's the worst thing to happen to cinema? No, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg definitely take the prize for that. I just don't like this movies. That being said, I do think Postal is the best thing he has done so far. Unfortunatly, we all know that means little.
This is Uwe Boll's first attempt at a legitimate comedy and sadly it just doesn't work well. The main problem I had with the movie is how hard it tries to be controversial. It just puts so much effort into trying to be edgy and offensive that it almost comes off as desperate. It just jumps around screaming for attention and it doesn't really work. By about halfway through the movie it starts to become a little boring actually and I really felt this movies 100 minute run time. The other problem is that none of this offensive material is funny, which just makes it that much worse. I'm all for shock value humour but it simply doesn't work here.
I will say that a couple of parts are legitimately funny, which means there may be some hope for Uwe just yet. His cameo in the movie would actually rank as the highlight for me I would say. There was also another pretty funny moment with a cop and a woman stopped at a green light. So there are also a handful of moments here and there that provide a smile or a chuckle, but nothing fall down hilarious.
The cast does fine I suppose, with Dave Foley putting in a particularily brave performance. I'll give the man credit, he really just doesn't give a shit does he? Verne Troyer playing himself was a joke I never really got into, he just seemed to swear constantly and that was his purpose. His fate was just..strange, but again not very funny.
I think I've already best summarized my thoughts on this movie with just the fact that I didn't find it funny. It had a couple good moments but the rest was just blah. At least I didn't full out fucking hate, so kudos has to go to Boll for that one.
* 1/2 / 5
Well Wolverinefan you asked for it and here it is, my Postal review. I can tell you right now though, you aren't gonna be happy with what I have to say. I'm not going to go into all of my Uwe Boll opinions since I already did that way back with movie #2 (I think that was the number), In the Name of the King. In a quick recap though, aside from some cheap laughs provided by House of the Dead, I am not a fan. Do I think he's the worst thing to happen to cinema? No, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg definitely take the prize for that. I just don't like this movies. That being said, I do think Postal is the best thing he has done so far. Unfortunatly, we all know that means little.
This is Uwe Boll's first attempt at a legitimate comedy and sadly it just doesn't work well. The main problem I had with the movie is how hard it tries to be controversial. It just puts so much effort into trying to be edgy and offensive that it almost comes off as desperate. It just jumps around screaming for attention and it doesn't really work. By about halfway through the movie it starts to become a little boring actually and I really felt this movies 100 minute run time. The other problem is that none of this offensive material is funny, which just makes it that much worse. I'm all for shock value humour but it simply doesn't work here.
I will say that a couple of parts are legitimately funny, which means there may be some hope for Uwe just yet. His cameo in the movie would actually rank as the highlight for me I would say. There was also another pretty funny moment with a cop and a woman stopped at a green light. So there are also a handful of moments here and there that provide a smile or a chuckle, but nothing fall down hilarious.
The cast does fine I suppose, with Dave Foley putting in a particularily brave performance. I'll give the man credit, he really just doesn't give a shit does he? Verne Troyer playing himself was a joke I never really got into, he just seemed to swear constantly and that was his purpose. His fate was just..strange, but again not very funny.
I think I've already best summarized my thoughts on this movie with just the fact that I didn't find it funny. It had a couple good moments but the rest was just blah. At least I didn't full out fucking hate, so kudos has to go to Boll for that one.
* 1/2 / 5
Shawn's House Bunny Review
2008 Movie #97 - The House Bunny
There is nothing I like more than when a movie surprises you. The good kind of surprise anyway. The kind where you are so positive going into a movie that it's going to be the biggest pile of garbage ever, then walk away from it pleasantly surprised. This was actually one of those movies for me. It was probably because I expected this to be possibly one of the worst movies of the year so far (and we all know that's saying a lot when you look at the list) and simply could not have had lower expectations for it. We were actually ashamed when we asked for the tickets, and also when we had to had them to the ticket ripper to get it. I'm probably going to catch some shit for this one, but in all honestly, this one ain't bad.
The first 5-10 minutes are pretty painful and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to make it through this one. However once things start to move along it becomes a lot easier to take. This movie is never fall down hilarious, it's just a pleasant enough movie to serve as a decent 90 minute distraction. It's predictable as all hell, with never any doubt where things will go, but the journey through all these things is never too bad.
The majority of this is thanks to Anna Faris in the lead role. The woman is funny and of course ridiculouly good lookng as well. So even if you're not laughing at what she's saying you get the pleasure of looking at her in some really skimpy outfits, and there ain't nothing wrong with that at all. It almost seemed like she improvised a lot of her dialogue. She is definitely the highlight of the movie and if pretty much anyone else had gotten her role, this movie could have been just fucking excrutiating.
The girls who play the sorority sisters are ok, with a couple being stand outs. My main problem with these characters was that the movie tries way too hard for them too all be quirky. One doesn't speak but instead always sends text messages, another has a huge brace on her torso, another talks and acts like a man, another is pregnant, and so on. Just a bit too much. The other problem is that none of them are really that funny, although Emma Stone has a few moments as the leader of the sorority.
I would definitely put this movie above the Legally Blondes, although they are pretty similar in terms of tone. A lot of the jokes will make you roll your eyes, but there are some decent laughs to be had here. You just have to be willing to shut your brain off and accept this movie for it is, cheap as hell entertainment.
** 1/2 / 5
There is nothing I like more than when a movie surprises you. The good kind of surprise anyway. The kind where you are so positive going into a movie that it's going to be the biggest pile of garbage ever, then walk away from it pleasantly surprised. This was actually one of those movies for me. It was probably because I expected this to be possibly one of the worst movies of the year so far (and we all know that's saying a lot when you look at the list) and simply could not have had lower expectations for it. We were actually ashamed when we asked for the tickets, and also when we had to had them to the ticket ripper to get it. I'm probably going to catch some shit for this one, but in all honestly, this one ain't bad.
The first 5-10 minutes are pretty painful and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to make it through this one. However once things start to move along it becomes a lot easier to take. This movie is never fall down hilarious, it's just a pleasant enough movie to serve as a decent 90 minute distraction. It's predictable as all hell, with never any doubt where things will go, but the journey through all these things is never too bad.
The majority of this is thanks to Anna Faris in the lead role. The woman is funny and of course ridiculouly good lookng as well. So even if you're not laughing at what she's saying you get the pleasure of looking at her in some really skimpy outfits, and there ain't nothing wrong with that at all. It almost seemed like she improvised a lot of her dialogue. She is definitely the highlight of the movie and if pretty much anyone else had gotten her role, this movie could have been just fucking excrutiating.
The girls who play the sorority sisters are ok, with a couple being stand outs. My main problem with these characters was that the movie tries way too hard for them too all be quirky. One doesn't speak but instead always sends text messages, another has a huge brace on her torso, another talks and acts like a man, another is pregnant, and so on. Just a bit too much. The other problem is that none of them are really that funny, although Emma Stone has a few moments as the leader of the sorority.
I would definitely put this movie above the Legally Blondes, although they are pretty similar in terms of tone. A lot of the jokes will make you roll your eyes, but there are some decent laughs to be had here. You just have to be willing to shut your brain off and accept this movie for it is, cheap as hell entertainment.
** 1/2 / 5
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Shawn's Death Race Review
2008 Movie #96 - Death Race
Ah the R rated action movie. No matter what I'm always going to have a soft spot for it. Wanted was a highlight of the summer/year for me for sure and while this one is nowhere even close to that one, if you go in knowing that you're in for a pretty stupid and silly movie, you should be able to get a decent amount of enjoyment out of it.
This movie is exactly what you would expect it to be, cars shooting each other, people getting run over, explosions and all sorts of crazy shit like that. The story is virtually non-existant with everything you need to know already highlighted in the trailer. The plot remains straight forward throughout, not really trying to throw any curveballs at you or anything. This is the best route to go through because when your movie is called Death Race, nobody watching it gives a shit about the plot. They want to see some death racing.
The races themselves are pretty good. A bit too much of that quick cutting crap where you aren't sure what's going on, but generally they are decent action sequences. There are a few too many moments of characters saying shit that we clearly just saw happen. Whenever you see a car drop an oil slick or something out of the back of it, you can bet your ass in a few seconds one of the other characters will be sure to pipe in with "Look out! Oil!" It kind of shows a lack of faith in the audience, but at the same time almost gives things a campy, ridiculous feel. I would say 40% of this movie is people in their cars yelling threats and shit that only they and us can hear.
The acting is adequate, with Jason Statham doing what he does best really. Anyone who follows this blog semi-regularily knows that I like him and always want better things for him. This movie is a pretty good one for him but the problem is that he spends most of the movie behind the wheel of a car. Sure he gets a couple of pretty good fight scenes in there but you don't need Jason Statham if all he is going to do is drive. Anyone can do that. Thankfully we have Transporter 3 coming up and then Crank 2 after that, so we know he's got some good ass kickings coming up.
The girl who plays Statham's navigator though is just god awful. She is right down there with Brendan Fraser's son in Mummy 3 for just pure crap performances. Most of her dialogue is bad enough, but her delivery really takes it to new heights. Ian McShane is either really bored or having a decent amount of fun, it's hard to tell. Even Liu Kang shows up as one of the drivers who has I think the worst line of dialogue in the whole movie. His driver does something to one of the other cars and yells out "That's right! What's my name?!" Fair enough, I can deal with that. However then in a bizarre twist he reveals this wasn't a rhetorical question at all and says "14K, that's my name!" He actually was asking us, and then told us when we clearly didn't know the answer. Thanks I guess.
There's no denying Death Race is a stupid movie, but it's a pretty fun one at the same time. Joan Allen saying cocksucker alone is pretty damn entertaining. Throw in some laughable dialogue, a handful of good action scenes and moments and you get a fun couple of hours. It's a pretty good wind down to what has been an amazing summer for movies. Too bad next week will ruin it with what could become my new most hated movie of the year. I'm almost excited for that review to be written. Stay tuned!!
***/5
Ah the R rated action movie. No matter what I'm always going to have a soft spot for it. Wanted was a highlight of the summer/year for me for sure and while this one is nowhere even close to that one, if you go in knowing that you're in for a pretty stupid and silly movie, you should be able to get a decent amount of enjoyment out of it.
This movie is exactly what you would expect it to be, cars shooting each other, people getting run over, explosions and all sorts of crazy shit like that. The story is virtually non-existant with everything you need to know already highlighted in the trailer. The plot remains straight forward throughout, not really trying to throw any curveballs at you or anything. This is the best route to go through because when your movie is called Death Race, nobody watching it gives a shit about the plot. They want to see some death racing.
The races themselves are pretty good. A bit too much of that quick cutting crap where you aren't sure what's going on, but generally they are decent action sequences. There are a few too many moments of characters saying shit that we clearly just saw happen. Whenever you see a car drop an oil slick or something out of the back of it, you can bet your ass in a few seconds one of the other characters will be sure to pipe in with "Look out! Oil!" It kind of shows a lack of faith in the audience, but at the same time almost gives things a campy, ridiculous feel. I would say 40% of this movie is people in their cars yelling threats and shit that only they and us can hear.
The acting is adequate, with Jason Statham doing what he does best really. Anyone who follows this blog semi-regularily knows that I like him and always want better things for him. This movie is a pretty good one for him but the problem is that he spends most of the movie behind the wheel of a car. Sure he gets a couple of pretty good fight scenes in there but you don't need Jason Statham if all he is going to do is drive. Anyone can do that. Thankfully we have Transporter 3 coming up and then Crank 2 after that, so we know he's got some good ass kickings coming up.
The girl who plays Statham's navigator though is just god awful. She is right down there with Brendan Fraser's son in Mummy 3 for just pure crap performances. Most of her dialogue is bad enough, but her delivery really takes it to new heights. Ian McShane is either really bored or having a decent amount of fun, it's hard to tell. Even Liu Kang shows up as one of the drivers who has I think the worst line of dialogue in the whole movie. His driver does something to one of the other cars and yells out "That's right! What's my name?!" Fair enough, I can deal with that. However then in a bizarre twist he reveals this wasn't a rhetorical question at all and says "14K, that's my name!" He actually was asking us, and then told us when we clearly didn't know the answer. Thanks I guess.
There's no denying Death Race is a stupid movie, but it's a pretty fun one at the same time. Joan Allen saying cocksucker alone is pretty damn entertaining. Throw in some laughable dialogue, a handful of good action scenes and moments and you get a fun couple of hours. It's a pretty good wind down to what has been an amazing summer for movies. Too bad next week will ruin it with what could become my new most hated movie of the year. I'm almost excited for that review to be written. Stay tuned!!
***/5
Shawn's The Rocker Review
2008 Movie #95 - The Rocker
So I'm not positive about this but based on the weekend numbers it looks like The Rocker could go down as one of the biggest flops not only of the year, but of all time as well. This is actually too bad because while it's certainly not the best movie ever, it's not hard to name a ton of other movies I've seen this year that were far worse and yet made tons more money. Hell I could name at least 60 movies from this year that qualify I bet. I do think it's too bad that this movie will go down as such a spectacular failure. I'm going to see The House Bunny in just a couple of hours and I can't imagine it being any better than this one, yet it did so much better.
The Rocker is the definition of a harmless, pretty generic cookie cutter movie. It does nothing new, reminds you of many other movies, and yet it manages to entertain for 90 or so minutes before you forget about it the second you leave the theatre. It's hard to hate it, but also tricky to love it at the same time.
Rainn Wilson does a pretty good job in the lead role. His character is pretty different from the one he plays on The Office, but it looks like this will probably be the last time he gets to play the lead in a movie. Again it's too bad because he handles things well here. There is a little too much focus on him falling down or getting hit by things. These moments are eye-rollingly bad and happen far too often. The rest of the cast does fine too, with Jason Sudeikas being the stand out as the band's asshole manager. Also the guy who plays the nephew might as well be Jonah Hill. They look similar and their voices and delivery are just about identical. Also some kudos has to go to the actor playing the singer since it turns out he actually did do all of the singing for the songs in the movie.
This brings me to my next point. I remember watching that terrible Be Cool movie where all these characters were fighting for representation of this one singer. It goes on for the whole movie until finally you hear her sing and you can't help but wonder "what the hell is the big deal here? Why are people killing each other to help put this music in the world?" It sounded like every single song/artist at the time and really killed the movie. There was no way this many people were going crazy for this song and artist after actually hearing her perform.
The Rocker had a similar vibe for me. The whole movie makes a huge deal of how amazing this band is and how great and original their songs are, but when you actually hear them you just wonder what the shit everyone is talking about. They arent bad songs, but you could turn on the radio right now and hear 10 different songs in a row that sound just like them. I know I shouldn't expect a movie like this to produce groundbreaking music but if so much of your dialogue is based on talking about how great the music is, you better have the fucking tunes to back it up.
In conclusion, this one will probably be out of theatres even by the time this review is posted but if it heads to a cheap theatre, you might as well check it out. I just kind of feel bad for this one. It's such a spectacular failure when it actuality, it really isn't that bad.
** 1/2 /5
So I'm not positive about this but based on the weekend numbers it looks like The Rocker could go down as one of the biggest flops not only of the year, but of all time as well. This is actually too bad because while it's certainly not the best movie ever, it's not hard to name a ton of other movies I've seen this year that were far worse and yet made tons more money. Hell I could name at least 60 movies from this year that qualify I bet. I do think it's too bad that this movie will go down as such a spectacular failure. I'm going to see The House Bunny in just a couple of hours and I can't imagine it being any better than this one, yet it did so much better.
The Rocker is the definition of a harmless, pretty generic cookie cutter movie. It does nothing new, reminds you of many other movies, and yet it manages to entertain for 90 or so minutes before you forget about it the second you leave the theatre. It's hard to hate it, but also tricky to love it at the same time.
Rainn Wilson does a pretty good job in the lead role. His character is pretty different from the one he plays on The Office, but it looks like this will probably be the last time he gets to play the lead in a movie. Again it's too bad because he handles things well here. There is a little too much focus on him falling down or getting hit by things. These moments are eye-rollingly bad and happen far too often. The rest of the cast does fine too, with Jason Sudeikas being the stand out as the band's asshole manager. Also the guy who plays the nephew might as well be Jonah Hill. They look similar and their voices and delivery are just about identical. Also some kudos has to go to the actor playing the singer since it turns out he actually did do all of the singing for the songs in the movie.
This brings me to my next point. I remember watching that terrible Be Cool movie where all these characters were fighting for representation of this one singer. It goes on for the whole movie until finally you hear her sing and you can't help but wonder "what the hell is the big deal here? Why are people killing each other to help put this music in the world?" It sounded like every single song/artist at the time and really killed the movie. There was no way this many people were going crazy for this song and artist after actually hearing her perform.
The Rocker had a similar vibe for me. The whole movie makes a huge deal of how amazing this band is and how great and original their songs are, but when you actually hear them you just wonder what the shit everyone is talking about. They arent bad songs, but you could turn on the radio right now and hear 10 different songs in a row that sound just like them. I know I shouldn't expect a movie like this to produce groundbreaking music but if so much of your dialogue is based on talking about how great the music is, you better have the fucking tunes to back it up.
In conclusion, this one will probably be out of theatres even by the time this review is posted but if it heads to a cheap theatre, you might as well check it out. I just kind of feel bad for this one. It's such a spectacular failure when it actuality, it really isn't that bad.
** 1/2 /5
Monday, August 25, 2008
Shawn's Accidental Husband Review
2008 Movie #94 - The Accidental Husband
I think this movie has had at least 3 seperate release dates this year alone. When I watched it, it was scheduled for a release on September 5th. However almost immediatly after finishing it I discovered that it had actually been delayed now until March of next year. Imagine my frustration of sitting through this movie, only to find out I could have avoided it all together since it technically doesn't even count as a 2008 release. Well fuck that, we're bending the rules and we're counting this one. I sat through it, it was supposed to come out this year so as far as I'm concerned, it damn well came out this year.
I've been reading some of my older reviews on this blog lately and I believe that in the beginning I was a lot more optimistic and upbeat about this whole thing. I was surprised now to find out that back then, I gave movies such as Bucket List and 27 Dresses 3 stars each. These are movies I don't even remember liking, but gave them each decent ratings. I think I was a lot more forgiving in the beginning and since then have become a lot more beaten down and crushed by all the garbage that's been thrown at me this year. Therefore I think maybe had I reviewed this in the start, I would maybe have gone easy on it. But at almost 100 movies in, no way. This movie gets no special treatment.
What else can I say besides you've seen this movie 1000 times before. The trick is does it go through the formula at least in an entertaining way. The answer is a simple no, no it does not. There is really nothing about this movie that makes it worth recommending. It was of course predictable, you can't fault a romantic comedy for that almost. However the main problem is that it just wasn't good. It wasn't funny in the slightest, in fact half of the time it didn't even seem like it was trying to be. I can barely even remember attempts at jokes. The story is meh. The characters are also meh. The worst thing is a romantic comedy where you don't give a shit if the leads end up together and this is one of those movies. I had absolutely no investment in what was going on, so what's the point?
I can really see why this movie has been delayed again and again because it really doesn't even need to exist. I like Uma Thurman and I like Jeffrey Dean Morgan and I can basically forgive them for this (especially Morgan who was probably just excited about getting a chance to play the male lead in something) but I can't think of a single reason why anyone should watch it.
* 1/2 /5
I think this movie has had at least 3 seperate release dates this year alone. When I watched it, it was scheduled for a release on September 5th. However almost immediatly after finishing it I discovered that it had actually been delayed now until March of next year. Imagine my frustration of sitting through this movie, only to find out I could have avoided it all together since it technically doesn't even count as a 2008 release. Well fuck that, we're bending the rules and we're counting this one. I sat through it, it was supposed to come out this year so as far as I'm concerned, it damn well came out this year.
I've been reading some of my older reviews on this blog lately and I believe that in the beginning I was a lot more optimistic and upbeat about this whole thing. I was surprised now to find out that back then, I gave movies such as Bucket List and 27 Dresses 3 stars each. These are movies I don't even remember liking, but gave them each decent ratings. I think I was a lot more forgiving in the beginning and since then have become a lot more beaten down and crushed by all the garbage that's been thrown at me this year. Therefore I think maybe had I reviewed this in the start, I would maybe have gone easy on it. But at almost 100 movies in, no way. This movie gets no special treatment.
What else can I say besides you've seen this movie 1000 times before. The trick is does it go through the formula at least in an entertaining way. The answer is a simple no, no it does not. There is really nothing about this movie that makes it worth recommending. It was of course predictable, you can't fault a romantic comedy for that almost. However the main problem is that it just wasn't good. It wasn't funny in the slightest, in fact half of the time it didn't even seem like it was trying to be. I can barely even remember attempts at jokes. The story is meh. The characters are also meh. The worst thing is a romantic comedy where you don't give a shit if the leads end up together and this is one of those movies. I had absolutely no investment in what was going on, so what's the point?
I can really see why this movie has been delayed again and again because it really doesn't even need to exist. I like Uma Thurman and I like Jeffrey Dean Morgan and I can basically forgive them for this (especially Morgan who was probably just excited about getting a chance to play the male lead in something) but I can't think of a single reason why anyone should watch it.
* 1/2 /5
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Shawn's Bruce and Lloyd Out of Control Review
2008 Movie #93 - Bruce and Lloyd Out of Control
For those of you who don't know, this is a direct to dvd movie which follows two of the supporting characters from the recent theatrical Get Smart movie. You remember those characters? No? Well they were the ones that weren't very funny but it was ok because they weren't in the movie much. So who decided enough people wanted them to have their own feature length film?
I don't mind the idea of releasing what is essentially a side story to another movie. It's actually a pretty good idea and one that could be done really well. This is a failed oppurtunity and one of the biggest mistakes is again, these aren't characters who needed to have their own movie, not at all. If you're going to present a side story then you better make it worth our while, but this one is not worth the time.
I wouldn't mind a movie about these characters if at least it was funny, but this movie is really, really not funny. It's almost flat out embarassing at times. Many of the jokes are just roll your eyes terrible. You eventually start to feel bad for the actors who are a part of this. Although it looks like a lot of them could really give a shit either. It's a little strange how bad this movie is because it actually does have the same two writers as the actual Get Smart movie, which I enjoyed. Maybe they were contractually obligated to write this movie as well and just didn't the time or caring to make it a good movie.
I like Masi Oka (mostly from Heroes) but he just seems uninterested here. I also feel bad for Jayma Mayes because she seems like she has comedic potential (her character gets the only moments that even somewhat resemble something that could almost be maybe kinda funny) and she is very attractive, but between this and Epic Movie she has been in some awful movies. I should write a movie just for her because damn it, she deserves it. The actor playing Lloyd is actually pretty fucking irritating and is just trying way too hard. It doesn't help to take unfunny material and scream it in your face, just ask College Road Trip about that.
Overall, I think this is a novel idea that could have worked but just fails and fails spectaculiarly. Just a really really really unfunny movie. At least it's only 63 minutes, but that didn't help Meet the Spartans case at all.
*/5
For those of you who don't know, this is a direct to dvd movie which follows two of the supporting characters from the recent theatrical Get Smart movie. You remember those characters? No? Well they were the ones that weren't very funny but it was ok because they weren't in the movie much. So who decided enough people wanted them to have their own feature length film?
I don't mind the idea of releasing what is essentially a side story to another movie. It's actually a pretty good idea and one that could be done really well. This is a failed oppurtunity and one of the biggest mistakes is again, these aren't characters who needed to have their own movie, not at all. If you're going to present a side story then you better make it worth our while, but this one is not worth the time.
I wouldn't mind a movie about these characters if at least it was funny, but this movie is really, really not funny. It's almost flat out embarassing at times. Many of the jokes are just roll your eyes terrible. You eventually start to feel bad for the actors who are a part of this. Although it looks like a lot of them could really give a shit either. It's a little strange how bad this movie is because it actually does have the same two writers as the actual Get Smart movie, which I enjoyed. Maybe they were contractually obligated to write this movie as well and just didn't the time or caring to make it a good movie.
I like Masi Oka (mostly from Heroes) but he just seems uninterested here. I also feel bad for Jayma Mayes because she seems like she has comedic potential (her character gets the only moments that even somewhat resemble something that could almost be maybe kinda funny) and she is very attractive, but between this and Epic Movie she has been in some awful movies. I should write a movie just for her because damn it, she deserves it. The actor playing Lloyd is actually pretty fucking irritating and is just trying way too hard. It doesn't help to take unfunny material and scream it in your face, just ask College Road Trip about that.
Overall, I think this is a novel idea that could have worked but just fails and fails spectaculiarly. Just a really really really unfunny movie. At least it's only 63 minutes, but that didn't help Meet the Spartans case at all.
*/5
Shawn's Mirrors Review
2008 Movie #92 - Mirrors
You know that scene in many movies where someone is looking in a mirror, brushing their teeth or whatever, then the mirror and the person leaves the frame for a second, only to have something creepy in the mirror when they look back in it? This is the feature length version of that scene. That must happen at least 6 times in this movie. That kind of makes it sound like I didn't like the movie, however not the case. Read on.
Anyone who reads this blog even semi-regularily should know that I'm a huge supporter of R rated horror movies. This year we've been lucky to see a couple of good ones and although I think I'm going to be in the vast minority on this one, I think Mirrors can be added to the list of solid R rated horror.
It doesn't take long for them to take advantage of this rating either. It's probably barely 2 minutes before you are treated to your first intense gore sequence. However that's nothing compared to one later on in the movie. It's really too bad that scene has already made it's way onto the internet in many forms because if you didn't know it was coming, it was blow your shit away. It's hands down one of the goriest/coolest/most insane deaths I've seen in a horror movie in probably ever. You know the mirrors are fucking evil when they could easily have someone hang themselves or something, but instead decide to go this route.
So the gore is good, which is nice. The story itself is actually pretty decent too. I kept reading reviews saying that the movie was boring which I don't understand. I was never once bored throughout this movie. I was genuinely interested in what was going on. Of course the payoff wasn't as good as I was expecting but the trip there is pretty interesting. It's not a great story, but it's certainly enough to keep your interest.
The scares are decent, with maybe a little too much emphasis on the sudden loud noise jump scares. There are some genuinely creepy moments though, mostly when Kiefer is walking through the haunted department store. Although while we're on that, after he saw creepy shit in there the first time, why would he ever ever go back inside? Once your reflection is doing something different than you, thats when you go "fuck this" and get a job at the fucking post office or something.
Acting is decent, but make no mistake about it, Kiefer is simply playing Jack Bauer. You throw some ticking clocks in this and it could have been a season of 24. He pulls gun on people (and yes, several mirrors as well) and yells, almost every scene and piece of dialogue ends with him yelling "shit!" or "damn it!" and it just feels like that same character. It's almost too bad because the man can act, but it's starting to look like he might be doomed to this character for the rest of his career.
Overall, I have to recommend this one. I went in with very low expectations which may have helped, but I liked this one a lot. One of the bigger surprises of the summer for sure. My friend who I watched it with was telling me afterwards about the amount of subtext and details in the movie. I don't know about all that but someone ripped their own face off, so this movie has something for everybody.
*** 1/2 / 5
You know that scene in many movies where someone is looking in a mirror, brushing their teeth or whatever, then the mirror and the person leaves the frame for a second, only to have something creepy in the mirror when they look back in it? This is the feature length version of that scene. That must happen at least 6 times in this movie. That kind of makes it sound like I didn't like the movie, however not the case. Read on.
Anyone who reads this blog even semi-regularily should know that I'm a huge supporter of R rated horror movies. This year we've been lucky to see a couple of good ones and although I think I'm going to be in the vast minority on this one, I think Mirrors can be added to the list of solid R rated horror.
It doesn't take long for them to take advantage of this rating either. It's probably barely 2 minutes before you are treated to your first intense gore sequence. However that's nothing compared to one later on in the movie. It's really too bad that scene has already made it's way onto the internet in many forms because if you didn't know it was coming, it was blow your shit away. It's hands down one of the goriest/coolest/most insane deaths I've seen in a horror movie in probably ever. You know the mirrors are fucking evil when they could easily have someone hang themselves or something, but instead decide to go this route.
So the gore is good, which is nice. The story itself is actually pretty decent too. I kept reading reviews saying that the movie was boring which I don't understand. I was never once bored throughout this movie. I was genuinely interested in what was going on. Of course the payoff wasn't as good as I was expecting but the trip there is pretty interesting. It's not a great story, but it's certainly enough to keep your interest.
The scares are decent, with maybe a little too much emphasis on the sudden loud noise jump scares. There are some genuinely creepy moments though, mostly when Kiefer is walking through the haunted department store. Although while we're on that, after he saw creepy shit in there the first time, why would he ever ever go back inside? Once your reflection is doing something different than you, thats when you go "fuck this" and get a job at the fucking post office or something.
Acting is decent, but make no mistake about it, Kiefer is simply playing Jack Bauer. You throw some ticking clocks in this and it could have been a season of 24. He pulls gun on people (and yes, several mirrors as well) and yells, almost every scene and piece of dialogue ends with him yelling "shit!" or "damn it!" and it just feels like that same character. It's almost too bad because the man can act, but it's starting to look like he might be doomed to this character for the rest of his career.
Overall, I have to recommend this one. I went in with very low expectations which may have helped, but I liked this one a lot. One of the bigger surprises of the summer for sure. My friend who I watched it with was telling me afterwards about the amount of subtext and details in the movie. I don't know about all that but someone ripped their own face off, so this movie has something for everybody.
*** 1/2 / 5
Monday, August 18, 2008
Shawn's Space Chimps Review
2008 Movie #91 - Space Chimps
The sheer existance of Space Chimps is kind of a mystery to me. First off, the fact that this thing is seeing a theatrical release at all is kind of amazing. Add on that it's getting a summer release, plus one that is in many theatres makes it that much more incredible. This movie is the absolute definition of a January or September dumping ground movie. The studio must have had faith in it though, at least a little bit because there is a lot of merchandising to go with this movie. I've seen books, toys, a video game, so they must have backed it a little right? It's hard to say though because this movie opened...against fucking Batman.
I understand the idea of counter programming, releasing something completely different against a huge movie so that people have something else to see. For example, Mamma Mia opened the same day as The Dark Knight and that was a great move. Middle aged women don't want to see Batman, they want to flock to Mamma Mia. So that makes a lot of sense. However with Space Chimps, the main target is kids and the problem with that is that these same kids want to go see fucking Batman, not Space Chimps. I can't imagine a parent ever choosing to go to this one instead, even if the child flat out asked.
"Dad I wanna see Space Chimps"
*dad proceeds to smack kid*
"I'm sorry what movie did you say to wanted to see?"
"B..Batman?"
"God damn right Batman."
Especially when you can take your kids to great movies like Kung Fu Panda or Wall-e, then Space Chimps reason for being really is brought into question. But the real question of course is, is it any good? Well no it isn't, but it's not quite the cinematic raping I was expecting it to be, so points to it for that I guess.
The movie goes the exact opposite route of Wall-e. Wall-e was a very story and character driven piece with a fairly slow pace in the beginning. It also didn't go the animation kiss of death and just throw out a bunch of lame puns and pop culture references. The animation was of course to beautiful to look at in that movie as well, some of the best I have ever seen in a movie, hands down.
Space Chimps just starts out batshit crazy, throwing both of those things and more at the audience. The story is barely existant, the animation is barely above a direct to DVD cartoon, and you could give a shit less about any of the characters. Oh god you would not believe the monkey puns in this thing. I can't even remember them at this time but they are just terrible and have no place in any movie ever. They think it's made better by having a character acknowledge how bad they are, but no.
The pop culture references are of course thrown out in full force too. The weird thing is, they are pop culture references that are not only dated, but just fucking ancient. Most young kids would have no idea what the shit the movie was even talking about. I mean Axel F, the macarena (although in this movie it's called the "monkey-rena, so theres one of those puns I was referencing earlier, pretty fucking hysterical huh), these are the types of things this movie goes after and it's really just sad.
However there are a couple of amusing bits here and there, with Andy Samberg getting a couple of decent, maybe even improvised one-liners in there. Jeff Daniels also puts on a pretty good performance as the villain. The rest of the voice acting is pretty by the numbers, with Patrick Warburton doing the same thing he does in just about every cartoon movie ever made ever. The movie was also surprisingly racist in a way, with some pretty bad stereotypes/voices done with a couple of characters.
Overall I couldn't quite bring myself to hate this movie but I can't recommend it either. There are just so many better options out there now, and will still be when this thing hits DVD, so unless you have yourself one of these blogs, there literally is no reason for you to ever watch this movie.
**/5
The sheer existance of Space Chimps is kind of a mystery to me. First off, the fact that this thing is seeing a theatrical release at all is kind of amazing. Add on that it's getting a summer release, plus one that is in many theatres makes it that much more incredible. This movie is the absolute definition of a January or September dumping ground movie. The studio must have had faith in it though, at least a little bit because there is a lot of merchandising to go with this movie. I've seen books, toys, a video game, so they must have backed it a little right? It's hard to say though because this movie opened...against fucking Batman.
I understand the idea of counter programming, releasing something completely different against a huge movie so that people have something else to see. For example, Mamma Mia opened the same day as The Dark Knight and that was a great move. Middle aged women don't want to see Batman, they want to flock to Mamma Mia. So that makes a lot of sense. However with Space Chimps, the main target is kids and the problem with that is that these same kids want to go see fucking Batman, not Space Chimps. I can't imagine a parent ever choosing to go to this one instead, even if the child flat out asked.
"Dad I wanna see Space Chimps"
*dad proceeds to smack kid*
"I'm sorry what movie did you say to wanted to see?"
"B..Batman?"
"God damn right Batman."
Especially when you can take your kids to great movies like Kung Fu Panda or Wall-e, then Space Chimps reason for being really is brought into question. But the real question of course is, is it any good? Well no it isn't, but it's not quite the cinematic raping I was expecting it to be, so points to it for that I guess.
The movie goes the exact opposite route of Wall-e. Wall-e was a very story and character driven piece with a fairly slow pace in the beginning. It also didn't go the animation kiss of death and just throw out a bunch of lame puns and pop culture references. The animation was of course to beautiful to look at in that movie as well, some of the best I have ever seen in a movie, hands down.
Space Chimps just starts out batshit crazy, throwing both of those things and more at the audience. The story is barely existant, the animation is barely above a direct to DVD cartoon, and you could give a shit less about any of the characters. Oh god you would not believe the monkey puns in this thing. I can't even remember them at this time but they are just terrible and have no place in any movie ever. They think it's made better by having a character acknowledge how bad they are, but no.
The pop culture references are of course thrown out in full force too. The weird thing is, they are pop culture references that are not only dated, but just fucking ancient. Most young kids would have no idea what the shit the movie was even talking about. I mean Axel F, the macarena (although in this movie it's called the "monkey-rena, so theres one of those puns I was referencing earlier, pretty fucking hysterical huh), these are the types of things this movie goes after and it's really just sad.
However there are a couple of amusing bits here and there, with Andy Samberg getting a couple of decent, maybe even improvised one-liners in there. Jeff Daniels also puts on a pretty good performance as the villain. The rest of the voice acting is pretty by the numbers, with Patrick Warburton doing the same thing he does in just about every cartoon movie ever made ever. The movie was also surprisingly racist in a way, with some pretty bad stereotypes/voices done with a couple of characters.
Overall I couldn't quite bring myself to hate this movie but I can't recommend it either. There are just so many better options out there now, and will still be when this thing hits DVD, so unless you have yourself one of these blogs, there literally is no reason for you to ever watch this movie.
**/5
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Shawn's Teeth Review
2008 Movie #90 - Teeth
God damn this movie. I've been avoiding watching it forever. I've had it downloaded it forever, wanted to watch it, came close several times, but could never fully commit. See I was afraid this movie would cause the Jaws symptoms. Remember how the first time you watched that movie you were terrified to go back in the water? Yeeaaaaa.
The premise of this movie is one you hear and just can't fucking believe it's a real movie. The plot basically boils down to a girl who discovers that yes, there are teeth in her vagina. Those teeth then proceed to bite off penises. Several of them.
This movie could really go in several directions. It could be done as a cheesy B movie, a straight forward horror movie, or a coming of age drama, or a black comedy. This one chooses not to stick with one route, and incorporates just about all of these tones into this movie. It makes things a bit of a mess but you know what, this is an entertaining movie overall.
For the most part, the movie does a pretty good job balancing all of those different genres. The black comedy is very black, but at times very funny. This movie has a couple of the single funniest movies I've seen in a movie all year. The horror works well, especially when you know that a penis cutting is coming, it's all just a matter of when. No matter how many times it happens, it never ever gets any easier to watch. As the owner and operator of a penis, there are some scenes that I would gladly have removed from my memory.
The main character is impossible not to like, and I will now add that actress to my list of "I will now watch anything she is in." She does a great job with the character, starting out as vulnerable and eventually growing to almost embrace her now found "powers." The other characters in this movie, are basically all assholes. It's kind of a stretch that all of the men in Dawn's (main characters) life are not only jerks, but like crazy over the top old western tie you to the railroad tracks evil. Her step brother must be one of the most vile characters I've ever seen in a movie. No penis chopping is severe enough for this asshole.
Overall I would chalk this one up as one of the more surprising movies of the year. It's nothing I would rush to watch again, but it's well made, well acted, and is certainly something you haven't seen in a movie before...unless you've seen the Japanese movie "Killer Pussy", in which case I'm really really sorry.
*** 1/2 / 5
God damn this movie. I've been avoiding watching it forever. I've had it downloaded it forever, wanted to watch it, came close several times, but could never fully commit. See I was afraid this movie would cause the Jaws symptoms. Remember how the first time you watched that movie you were terrified to go back in the water? Yeeaaaaa.
The premise of this movie is one you hear and just can't fucking believe it's a real movie. The plot basically boils down to a girl who discovers that yes, there are teeth in her vagina. Those teeth then proceed to bite off penises. Several of them.
This movie could really go in several directions. It could be done as a cheesy B movie, a straight forward horror movie, or a coming of age drama, or a black comedy. This one chooses not to stick with one route, and incorporates just about all of these tones into this movie. It makes things a bit of a mess but you know what, this is an entertaining movie overall.
For the most part, the movie does a pretty good job balancing all of those different genres. The black comedy is very black, but at times very funny. This movie has a couple of the single funniest movies I've seen in a movie all year. The horror works well, especially when you know that a penis cutting is coming, it's all just a matter of when. No matter how many times it happens, it never ever gets any easier to watch. As the owner and operator of a penis, there are some scenes that I would gladly have removed from my memory.
The main character is impossible not to like, and I will now add that actress to my list of "I will now watch anything she is in." She does a great job with the character, starting out as vulnerable and eventually growing to almost embrace her now found "powers." The other characters in this movie, are basically all assholes. It's kind of a stretch that all of the men in Dawn's (main characters) life are not only jerks, but like crazy over the top old western tie you to the railroad tracks evil. Her step brother must be one of the most vile characters I've ever seen in a movie. No penis chopping is severe enough for this asshole.
Overall I would chalk this one up as one of the more surprising movies of the year. It's nothing I would rush to watch again, but it's well made, well acted, and is certainly something you haven't seen in a movie before...unless you've seen the Japanese movie "Killer Pussy", in which case I'm really really sorry.
*** 1/2 / 5
Shawn's Forbidden Kingdom Review
2008 Movie #89 - Forbidden Kingdom
This is another one of those movies I just never watched when it came out, even though it played at my theatre for something like 4 weeks. Just chalk it up to lack of interest really. I've finally gotten around to it and just like the other movies I'm catching up, I really don't plan on saying a whole lot about it. In fact, I really don't have that much to say about it anyway, so it kind of works out.
I don't think there's anyone out there who didn't want to see a movie where Jet Li and Jackie Chan are together. They could be friends, enemies, whatever, it would just be a kick ass. The only people who didnt' want that team up to happen are racists, so it doesn't really matter about them. So it was pretty exciting to hear that movie was actually going to happen. We didn't know who would be the star, whether they would be in the movie an equal amount, are they teaming up, facing off, etc. I think a lot of people were surprised when they watched the movie to find out that it wasn't really any of that. In reality the star of the movie is a boring teenage boy. ....really?
So you actually get both Jet Li and Jackie Chan in a movie together, and you choose to tell a pretty uninteresting story that centers on a generic Boston teenager who loves martial arts? Come on now who the fuck made that decision? Don't get me wrong there's some good fight scenes in this movie, including one between Jackie and Jet, but the story that holds them all together just isn't interesting.
The opening 5 minutes of the movie is so ridiculous you almost wonder if you're watching the wrong movie. I thought I might be watching a new straight to DVD Karate Kid sequel or something. Things eventually pick up once Jackie is introduced but the whole movie never quite takes off like it should. Although it does have a really hot chick with lethal white whip hair, which gives the movie at least one extra point.
I don't really have much more to say than that. The movie has its moments here and there but overall feels like kind of a missed oppurtunity. This could have been fucking epic but instead it's just average.
** 1/2 /5
This is another one of those movies I just never watched when it came out, even though it played at my theatre for something like 4 weeks. Just chalk it up to lack of interest really. I've finally gotten around to it and just like the other movies I'm catching up, I really don't plan on saying a whole lot about it. In fact, I really don't have that much to say about it anyway, so it kind of works out.
I don't think there's anyone out there who didn't want to see a movie where Jet Li and Jackie Chan are together. They could be friends, enemies, whatever, it would just be a kick ass. The only people who didnt' want that team up to happen are racists, so it doesn't really matter about them. So it was pretty exciting to hear that movie was actually going to happen. We didn't know who would be the star, whether they would be in the movie an equal amount, are they teaming up, facing off, etc. I think a lot of people were surprised when they watched the movie to find out that it wasn't really any of that. In reality the star of the movie is a boring teenage boy. ....really?
So you actually get both Jet Li and Jackie Chan in a movie together, and you choose to tell a pretty uninteresting story that centers on a generic Boston teenager who loves martial arts? Come on now who the fuck made that decision? Don't get me wrong there's some good fight scenes in this movie, including one between Jackie and Jet, but the story that holds them all together just isn't interesting.
The opening 5 minutes of the movie is so ridiculous you almost wonder if you're watching the wrong movie. I thought I might be watching a new straight to DVD Karate Kid sequel or something. Things eventually pick up once Jackie is introduced but the whole movie never quite takes off like it should. Although it does have a really hot chick with lethal white whip hair, which gives the movie at least one extra point.
I don't really have much more to say than that. The movie has its moments here and there but overall feels like kind of a missed oppurtunity. This could have been fucking epic but instead it's just average.
** 1/2 /5
Friday, August 15, 2008
Shawn's Tropic Thunder Review
2008 Movie #88 - Tropic Thunder
Tropic Thunder is the last of the big summer movies for me. Everything else from this point on is just pretty meh, this is the last one that I was genuinely excited about. I saw it opening day at a 12:55 opening show, something I haven't done for a movie in a long time. It wasn't a let down either that's for sure, this movie is funny as balls.
You know exactly what you're in for literally the very second the movie starts. In fact some of the biggest laughs come right at the start with the fake commercial and trailers. They're so well done and really could be actual movie trailers. It really sets the tone for the movie and gets things going on a fantastic note.
The strength of this movie really lies in the cast. Ben Stiller is certainly not a favourite of mine. You actually need more than one hand to count the number of movies where he's played the exact same average guy blah blah blah role. In fact let's count them together kids...There's Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, Heartbreak Kid, Night at the Museum, Along Came Polly, Envy, Duplex, Keeping the Faith...ok so you barely need more than one hand but still). However when he does something different and plays a fucking outlandish character, I almost always find it funny. Get those fingers out again kids....Dodgeball, Zoolander, Anchorman, Tenacious D, he actually played characters in those movies and it was funny as shit. Add this one to the list. Wow, that was long and just pointless. At least now you know which Ben Stiller movies I like I guess? Either way I hope he keeps making movies like these ones. He also co-wrote and directed this movie so kudos to you Ben. I can let it slide now that you feel you have to make a Night at the Museum 2, you bastard.
Jack Black actually gets a lot less to do than I thought he would but he has what I think was my favourite overall moment in the movie. Robert Downey Jr, come on you all know that he's fantastic. The guy is hilarious in this movie and is the most consistent character for overall laughs. Unless of course you count Tom Cruise. The man is barely in the movie but hardly a second goes by where he doesn't have you laughing your ass off. This is the best move the man could have made and this will be a huge positive turning point for him I think. That would be good because I mean weird scientology "im the only one who can help car crash victims" shit aside, I'm rooting for the guy. Say what you will but the man has made some fucking fantastic films in the past. So you get 'em Tom!
I could literally go on and on about the cast but I'll stop and just say that it's easily one of the best ensembles I've seen in a comedy probably ever. There isn't a weak link in the bunch. All of these actors fucking bring it and make this movie what it is. They're all willing to poke fun at themselves, other actors and Hollywood as a whole and it makes everything just ridiculously fun to watch.
It's so great to see R rated comedies again, and the fact they're all doing well is great. Well at least I'm assuming this one will also do well. Maybe studios will see this and stop pussying out on so many movies and making them PG-13. I would put this one above Step Brothers, but probably on par with Pineapple Express.
This was less a review and more a breakdown of Ben Stiller's career but you get the idea, the movie is really funny and you should definitely go and check it out.
****/5
Tropic Thunder is the last of the big summer movies for me. Everything else from this point on is just pretty meh, this is the last one that I was genuinely excited about. I saw it opening day at a 12:55 opening show, something I haven't done for a movie in a long time. It wasn't a let down either that's for sure, this movie is funny as balls.
You know exactly what you're in for literally the very second the movie starts. In fact some of the biggest laughs come right at the start with the fake commercial and trailers. They're so well done and really could be actual movie trailers. It really sets the tone for the movie and gets things going on a fantastic note.
The strength of this movie really lies in the cast. Ben Stiller is certainly not a favourite of mine. You actually need more than one hand to count the number of movies where he's played the exact same average guy blah blah blah role. In fact let's count them together kids...There's Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, Heartbreak Kid, Night at the Museum, Along Came Polly, Envy, Duplex, Keeping the Faith...ok so you barely need more than one hand but still). However when he does something different and plays a fucking outlandish character, I almost always find it funny. Get those fingers out again kids....Dodgeball, Zoolander, Anchorman, Tenacious D, he actually played characters in those movies and it was funny as shit. Add this one to the list. Wow, that was long and just pointless. At least now you know which Ben Stiller movies I like I guess? Either way I hope he keeps making movies like these ones. He also co-wrote and directed this movie so kudos to you Ben. I can let it slide now that you feel you have to make a Night at the Museum 2, you bastard.
Jack Black actually gets a lot less to do than I thought he would but he has what I think was my favourite overall moment in the movie. Robert Downey Jr, come on you all know that he's fantastic. The guy is hilarious in this movie and is the most consistent character for overall laughs. Unless of course you count Tom Cruise. The man is barely in the movie but hardly a second goes by where he doesn't have you laughing your ass off. This is the best move the man could have made and this will be a huge positive turning point for him I think. That would be good because I mean weird scientology "im the only one who can help car crash victims" shit aside, I'm rooting for the guy. Say what you will but the man has made some fucking fantastic films in the past. So you get 'em Tom!
I could literally go on and on about the cast but I'll stop and just say that it's easily one of the best ensembles I've seen in a comedy probably ever. There isn't a weak link in the bunch. All of these actors fucking bring it and make this movie what it is. They're all willing to poke fun at themselves, other actors and Hollywood as a whole and it makes everything just ridiculously fun to watch.
It's so great to see R rated comedies again, and the fact they're all doing well is great. Well at least I'm assuming this one will also do well. Maybe studios will see this and stop pussying out on so many movies and making them PG-13. I would put this one above Step Brothers, but probably on par with Pineapple Express.
This was less a review and more a breakdown of Ben Stiller's career but you get the idea, the movie is really funny and you should definitely go and check it out.
****/5
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Shawn's Pathology Review
2008 Movie #87 - Pathology
I was disappointed when this movie only opened in something like 100 screens because it was one I was genuinely interested in seeing after hearing the premise and watching the trailer. I’m always one for a gory good time at the movies. I certainly got the gory, it’s just the good time wasn’t so much there.
This one could be chalked up to my own fault. I don’t know why but I honestly thought this movie was going to be a lot more of a dark comedy than it was. The trailer didn’t really give off that vibe so I don’t know what made me think it, but that thought was always there, right up until watching it. Maybe it’s because it’s by the people who did Crank, I don’t know. Either way this movie features very little comedy but is pretty much pitch black from beginning to end. That’s not really a problem (I of course gave Funny Games a good review), but there were just enough problems with the movie that I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it more than I did.
The premise behind the movie is still pretty awesome, and for the most part is executed well. My main problem was with the characters, but more specifically the main character. He has one of the quickest turn arounds I think in the history of all of cinema. In the beginning he is shown as someone who is a straight A student, loving fiancée and overall decent guy. Man, it doesn’t take much to turn this guy into a crack addicted murderer. It only takes slightly more than someone saying to him “hey man, smoke this crack and murder some people.” As a result, I had a hard time watching his character. So that’s a lot of movies in a row with main characters that are hard to root for.
This movie certainly brings the gore, but it’s not really in an Evil Dead over the top sense. Some of it is pretty messed up. The whole movie is very bleak with a very negative outlook of humanity, which isn’t really bad because I too have a very negative outlook at humanity, a viewpoint you will soon be reading about if there is any justice in this world.
So the movie certainly isn’t boring, it just could have been better. The story is pretty interesting but the characters ruin a huge part of the movie I think.
** ½ / 5
I was disappointed when this movie only opened in something like 100 screens because it was one I was genuinely interested in seeing after hearing the premise and watching the trailer. I’m always one for a gory good time at the movies. I certainly got the gory, it’s just the good time wasn’t so much there.
This one could be chalked up to my own fault. I don’t know why but I honestly thought this movie was going to be a lot more of a dark comedy than it was. The trailer didn’t really give off that vibe so I don’t know what made me think it, but that thought was always there, right up until watching it. Maybe it’s because it’s by the people who did Crank, I don’t know. Either way this movie features very little comedy but is pretty much pitch black from beginning to end. That’s not really a problem (I of course gave Funny Games a good review), but there were just enough problems with the movie that I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it more than I did.
The premise behind the movie is still pretty awesome, and for the most part is executed well. My main problem was with the characters, but more specifically the main character. He has one of the quickest turn arounds I think in the history of all of cinema. In the beginning he is shown as someone who is a straight A student, loving fiancée and overall decent guy. Man, it doesn’t take much to turn this guy into a crack addicted murderer. It only takes slightly more than someone saying to him “hey man, smoke this crack and murder some people.” As a result, I had a hard time watching his character. So that’s a lot of movies in a row with main characters that are hard to root for.
This movie certainly brings the gore, but it’s not really in an Evil Dead over the top sense. Some of it is pretty messed up. The whole movie is very bleak with a very negative outlook of humanity, which isn’t really bad because I too have a very negative outlook at humanity, a viewpoint you will soon be reading about if there is any justice in this world.
So the movie certainly isn’t boring, it just could have been better. The story is pretty interesting but the characters ruin a huge part of the movie I think.
** ½ / 5
Shawn's What Happens in Vegas Review
2008 Movie #86 - What Happens in Vegas
This movie opened against Speed Racer and I remember hoping to god that Speed financially kicked the shit out of this one. Sadly that wasn’t the case. In the end Speed Racer made around 43 million (as of writing this anyway). What Happens in Vegas on the other end, has made a disgusting and grossly undeserved 80 million. When you factor in the undeniable DVD rental and sales money, this thing is going to make more than 100 million dollars, which is about 99,999,999 more dollars than the thing deserves. I even hope the dollar it made in that scenario was somehow a mistake.
This movie is like my also recently watched movie Smart People in that it follows people you don’t care about. Vegas takes things up a notch though. It doesn’t seem satisfied with simply not caring about these people, it wants to make sure that you downright loathe them. Believe me it does a damn good job of accomplishing this task too. The first hour of this movie is basically a chore to sit through. You know what though, some chores aren’t even that bad. The first of this movie is more like having your face eaten by an alligator. I may not know firsthand but if you were to show this movie to someone whose face has indeed been eaten by an alligator, they will start to have Vietman like flashbacks to the event while this movie is playing.
The first hour of this movie is nothing more than a group of people you hate yelling at each other. I don’t want to be around this kind of shit in real life, why would I want to spend time with these people in a movie, something that is supposed to take me out of reality?
Maybe if they were yelling something funny at each other it would be a little more tolerable, but no luck there either. The movie seems to think it’s some cutting edge, risqué, battle of the sexes movie when really, it does nothing new, uses jokes you’ve heard 1000 times before, and goes every path you would expect it to go. You keep waiting for some variation of the line “You don’t need Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now.” Any movie containing that line deserves to burn. It’s the ultimate sign of lazy romantic comedy writing. I don’t remember if that line actually shows up in this movie but its awful enough without it.
So after you sit through that horrible first hour, with these horrible people yelling god awful one-liners at each other, the movie somehow concludes that you want things to work out for these people. Movie, that is the last thing on earth that I want. Not for one second did I buy these two would all of a sudden fall for each other. It happens so quick you have to wonder if maybe something was cut.
I know a lot of people enjoyed this movie but if anyone who did is reading this I just want to ask you….why? Seriously what was it about this movie that you liked? I’m not judging, I actually want to know. It’s a movie like this that gives me more even more faith that I can one day write a successful screenplay. If this is what I have to beat, I should be more than set.
*/5
This movie opened against Speed Racer and I remember hoping to god that Speed financially kicked the shit out of this one. Sadly that wasn’t the case. In the end Speed Racer made around 43 million (as of writing this anyway). What Happens in Vegas on the other end, has made a disgusting and grossly undeserved 80 million. When you factor in the undeniable DVD rental and sales money, this thing is going to make more than 100 million dollars, which is about 99,999,999 more dollars than the thing deserves. I even hope the dollar it made in that scenario was somehow a mistake.
This movie is like my also recently watched movie Smart People in that it follows people you don’t care about. Vegas takes things up a notch though. It doesn’t seem satisfied with simply not caring about these people, it wants to make sure that you downright loathe them. Believe me it does a damn good job of accomplishing this task too. The first hour of this movie is basically a chore to sit through. You know what though, some chores aren’t even that bad. The first of this movie is more like having your face eaten by an alligator. I may not know firsthand but if you were to show this movie to someone whose face has indeed been eaten by an alligator, they will start to have Vietman like flashbacks to the event while this movie is playing.
The first hour of this movie is nothing more than a group of people you hate yelling at each other. I don’t want to be around this kind of shit in real life, why would I want to spend time with these people in a movie, something that is supposed to take me out of reality?
Maybe if they were yelling something funny at each other it would be a little more tolerable, but no luck there either. The movie seems to think it’s some cutting edge, risqué, battle of the sexes movie when really, it does nothing new, uses jokes you’ve heard 1000 times before, and goes every path you would expect it to go. You keep waiting for some variation of the line “You don’t need Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now.” Any movie containing that line deserves to burn. It’s the ultimate sign of lazy romantic comedy writing. I don’t remember if that line actually shows up in this movie but its awful enough without it.
So after you sit through that horrible first hour, with these horrible people yelling god awful one-liners at each other, the movie somehow concludes that you want things to work out for these people. Movie, that is the last thing on earth that I want. Not for one second did I buy these two would all of a sudden fall for each other. It happens so quick you have to wonder if maybe something was cut.
I know a lot of people enjoyed this movie but if anyone who did is reading this I just want to ask you….why? Seriously what was it about this movie that you liked? I’m not judging, I actually want to know. It’s a movie like this that gives me more even more faith that I can one day write a successful screenplay. If this is what I have to beat, I should be more than set.
*/5
Shawn's Pineapple Express Review
2008 Movie #85 - Pineapple Express
Any movie which features a theme song performed by Huey Lewis and the News is pretty much instant win in my book. If they had done a theme song for Meet the Spartans, I would have had to give the movie at least 3 stars, I wouldn’t have had a choice, they’re just too awesome. Therefore when I heard they performed the main song for Pineapple Express, I knew I was in for something special.
I’ve been excited for this movie for almost a year since I started anticipating it way back when Superbad came out and Seth Rogen said this was going to be their next movie. I really liked the idea of a weed action comedy so I was on board right from the very beginning. In the end it certainly didn’t disappoint, but I’ll have to watch it at least one more time before I decide if it’s up there with Superbad and Knocked Up.
It’s a pretty different movie than those ones though. The humour is very much the same, but of course this one has the action elements factor in. These sequences are still damn funny though, in fact I thought they were some of the funniest parts in the movie. They’re similar to Get Smart in that they are a lot better than you would ever expect them to be. Some of the fight scenes are downright brutal and the shootout at the end is actually pretty badass. I never thought the action half of the movie would be handled this well so this was a very pleasant surprise.
I found with this movie there wasn’t as many huge laughs are there were with Superbad or Knocked Up (although they are quite a few, don’t get me wrong) but there are a lot of smaller laughs scattered throughout the movie. No scene was really fall down hilarious for me, but hardly much time would go by without some laughs. I wouldn’t go as far as to say the humour is subtle because it’s anything but subtle. I don’t know, you’ll see what I mean. Still this movie brings the funny, with a vengeance.
The cast is of course fantastic. Seth Rogen is very funny as usual but it’s James Franco who steals the show. Who would ever have thought that this guy was such a funny motherfucker? I mean if you watch movies like Annapolis and Flyboys, you really don’t think much of the guy. He shows a completely different side in this movie and I really hope this is the road he continues to go down because he is seriously really funny. Danny McBride also has a lot of the funnier moments in the movie, especially in the final act. A moment with him, a foot and a shotgun probably gave me the biggest laugh of the movie and still makes me laugh just thinking back to that moment.
What a great summer it has been, despite a few bumps in the road here and there. We still have Tropic Thunder to look forward to as well, however things get pretty bleak once that’s done. This is another one to add to the list of summer time movie awesomeness. *drop kick to the face*
SIDE NOTE: I just heard a guy on the radio who was offended by this movie because it had action in it and was horrified they thought we would laugh at “such horrific events.” In case you were wondering, yes this guy is everything that is wrong with the world. He then went on to claim Pineapple Express will never beat Dark Knight this weekend and won’t make more than 20 million, something it has already done as of Friday night. So fuck you “local movie expert” (yes that’s why they call him) because if you cant check that simple fact, you’re no expert. Your so called movie knowledge level is just above knowing movies exist.
**** / 5
Any movie which features a theme song performed by Huey Lewis and the News is pretty much instant win in my book. If they had done a theme song for Meet the Spartans, I would have had to give the movie at least 3 stars, I wouldn’t have had a choice, they’re just too awesome. Therefore when I heard they performed the main song for Pineapple Express, I knew I was in for something special.
I’ve been excited for this movie for almost a year since I started anticipating it way back when Superbad came out and Seth Rogen said this was going to be their next movie. I really liked the idea of a weed action comedy so I was on board right from the very beginning. In the end it certainly didn’t disappoint, but I’ll have to watch it at least one more time before I decide if it’s up there with Superbad and Knocked Up.
It’s a pretty different movie than those ones though. The humour is very much the same, but of course this one has the action elements factor in. These sequences are still damn funny though, in fact I thought they were some of the funniest parts in the movie. They’re similar to Get Smart in that they are a lot better than you would ever expect them to be. Some of the fight scenes are downright brutal and the shootout at the end is actually pretty badass. I never thought the action half of the movie would be handled this well so this was a very pleasant surprise.
I found with this movie there wasn’t as many huge laughs are there were with Superbad or Knocked Up (although they are quite a few, don’t get me wrong) but there are a lot of smaller laughs scattered throughout the movie. No scene was really fall down hilarious for me, but hardly much time would go by without some laughs. I wouldn’t go as far as to say the humour is subtle because it’s anything but subtle. I don’t know, you’ll see what I mean. Still this movie brings the funny, with a vengeance.
The cast is of course fantastic. Seth Rogen is very funny as usual but it’s James Franco who steals the show. Who would ever have thought that this guy was such a funny motherfucker? I mean if you watch movies like Annapolis and Flyboys, you really don’t think much of the guy. He shows a completely different side in this movie and I really hope this is the road he continues to go down because he is seriously really funny. Danny McBride also has a lot of the funnier moments in the movie, especially in the final act. A moment with him, a foot and a shotgun probably gave me the biggest laugh of the movie and still makes me laugh just thinking back to that moment.
What a great summer it has been, despite a few bumps in the road here and there. We still have Tropic Thunder to look forward to as well, however things get pretty bleak once that’s done. This is another one to add to the list of summer time movie awesomeness. *drop kick to the face*
SIDE NOTE: I just heard a guy on the radio who was offended by this movie because it had action in it and was horrified they thought we would laugh at “such horrific events.” In case you were wondering, yes this guy is everything that is wrong with the world. He then went on to claim Pineapple Express will never beat Dark Knight this weekend and won’t make more than 20 million, something it has already done as of Friday night. So fuck you “local movie expert” (yes that’s why they call him) because if you cant check that simple fact, you’re no expert. Your so called movie knowledge level is just above knowing movies exist.
**** / 5
Shawn's Smart People Review
2008 Movie #84 - Smart People
This is one of those movies that proves that I absolutely could never be a professional movie reviewer, not that anyone was saying I could anyway. The reason is because there is no way I could come up with enough to say about this movie to fill up an entire article. I will barely be able to come up with a couple of paragraphs for this blog even.
I didn’t hate this movie, I didn’t love this movie, hell I didn’t even like this movie. I nothing this movie. If I had to pick one of those, my emotion would probably be closest to hate but that word is way too strong. I basically feel absolutely nothing towards this movie. It started, I watched it, then it ended. Nothing worthwhile really happened in the middle part.
The movie certainly has a good cast going for it. Usually you can’t go wrong with Dennis Quaid and he does do a good job here, it’s just hard to get invested in his character. That’s pretty much my main problem with the movie is that I didn’t give a shit about anyone in it. When you’re watching what is essentially a character study, you better care at least a little bit about the characters who are being studied. Here you really don’t at all.
The story also feels like it’s trying to do way too much in the short running time (thank god for that short running time actually). There are a whole lot of subplots, but none of them are particularlily interesting. There is one that’s actually kind of creepy that hints at a romance between a niece and uncle. That story basically goes nowhere though and in the end just kind of stops. I really didn’t care if anything worked out for these people, I basically just wanted them all to shut the fuck up and for the credits to roll.
Looks like I actually did a pretty decent job of writing a pretty lengthy review for this, but really it’s not worth the time to write more about it than this. It may appeal to some, but I just can’t get into a movie that is completely character based, but has no characters that I even remotely care about. The movie could have ended with all of them dying in a fire and I think I would have been pretty satisfied.
* ½ / 5
This is one of those movies that proves that I absolutely could never be a professional movie reviewer, not that anyone was saying I could anyway. The reason is because there is no way I could come up with enough to say about this movie to fill up an entire article. I will barely be able to come up with a couple of paragraphs for this blog even.
I didn’t hate this movie, I didn’t love this movie, hell I didn’t even like this movie. I nothing this movie. If I had to pick one of those, my emotion would probably be closest to hate but that word is way too strong. I basically feel absolutely nothing towards this movie. It started, I watched it, then it ended. Nothing worthwhile really happened in the middle part.
The movie certainly has a good cast going for it. Usually you can’t go wrong with Dennis Quaid and he does do a good job here, it’s just hard to get invested in his character. That’s pretty much my main problem with the movie is that I didn’t give a shit about anyone in it. When you’re watching what is essentially a character study, you better care at least a little bit about the characters who are being studied. Here you really don’t at all.
The story also feels like it’s trying to do way too much in the short running time (thank god for that short running time actually). There are a whole lot of subplots, but none of them are particularlily interesting. There is one that’s actually kind of creepy that hints at a romance between a niece and uncle. That story basically goes nowhere though and in the end just kind of stops. I really didn’t care if anything worked out for these people, I basically just wanted them all to shut the fuck up and for the credits to roll.
Looks like I actually did a pretty decent job of writing a pretty lengthy review for this, but really it’s not worth the time to write more about it than this. It may appeal to some, but I just can’t get into a movie that is completely character based, but has no characters that I even remotely care about. The movie could have ended with all of them dying in a fire and I think I would have been pretty satisfied.
* ½ / 5
Friday, August 8, 2008
Shawn's Other Boelyn Girl Review
2008 Movie #83 - The Other Boelyn Girl
This is it, this is the movie that caused me to fall completely behind on this whole movie quest thing. The movie that started the domino effect that caused me to be ridiculously behind until ...well still. Well this one and Definitely Maybe. It's because of this movie that I only got to do one month in review at the end of January. That feature would have been amazing but now we'll never know for sure.
I'm not really sure what caused me to not see this movie until now. I mean I watched a lot of shit in between then and now and just ignored this one. I wanted to see it, at least I think I did. Anyway I've seen it now and it makes it even more irritating that I didn't see it way back then because the movie was actually pretty damn good.
I'm not really that motivated to write a whole lot about the older movies because they're pretty off the radar by now and really, who cares. I mean this one isn't even new to DVD at this point so whatever. I will say that I'm not normally one for these types of historical dramas, but this one is pretty damn entertaining. It's certainly not a classic but it's good and well, it has Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johanssen in the same movie and there ain't nothing wrong with that.
You know what that's essentially all that I'm motivated to say here. Were this March 1st and Iw as talking about the movie then I'm sure I would go on longer and really detail things but by this point it doesn't really matter. If you haven't already, check this one out.
*** 1/2 / 5
This is it, this is the movie that caused me to fall completely behind on this whole movie quest thing. The movie that started the domino effect that caused me to be ridiculously behind until ...well still. Well this one and Definitely Maybe. It's because of this movie that I only got to do one month in review at the end of January. That feature would have been amazing but now we'll never know for sure.
I'm not really sure what caused me to not see this movie until now. I mean I watched a lot of shit in between then and now and just ignored this one. I wanted to see it, at least I think I did. Anyway I've seen it now and it makes it even more irritating that I didn't see it way back then because the movie was actually pretty damn good.
I'm not really that motivated to write a whole lot about the older movies because they're pretty off the radar by now and really, who cares. I mean this one isn't even new to DVD at this point so whatever. I will say that I'm not normally one for these types of historical dramas, but this one is pretty damn entertaining. It's certainly not a classic but it's good and well, it has Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johanssen in the same movie and there ain't nothing wrong with that.
You know what that's essentially all that I'm motivated to say here. Were this March 1st and Iw as talking about the movie then I'm sure I would go on longer and really detail things but by this point it doesn't really matter. If you haven't already, check this one out.
*** 1/2 / 5
Monday, August 4, 2008
Shawn's Doomsday Review
2008 Movie #82 - Doomsday
This is the first movie in my quest to finally go back and catch all of those movies from months ago that I haven't seen yet. This is one of those movies that I'm really not sure why I hadn't seen it yet. I had interest in it when it was in theatres, had access to a pretty decent copy of it for months, but just a couple days ago finally sat down and watched the whole thing. It wasn't a great movie by any means, but damn it was entertaining.
The movie does almost nothing original. It reminds me of about 18 other movies. The important thing though is that what it does, it does kick ass. This is just 2 hours of action, silliness and over the top gore. It's all pretty ridiculous but it's all pretty entertaining too.
The plot is overall pretty simple, and kind of has a Resident Evil vibe to it. It's not too complex, which is fine by me because with a movie like this, an overally complicated plot just takes away from things. There are a few interesting twists and turns here and there, essentially enough to keep you interested in things. This ain't about story though, just like the Resident Evil movies aren't.
The acting isn't anything special, with Rhoda Mitra (at least I'm pretty sure that's her name) channeling Milla Jovavich in yes again, Resident Evil. But I mean come on, watch this movie and tell me Milla couldn't have played that role in her sleep. It's also pretty cool to see Bob Hoskins in anything. Everyone else is just there really, nobody really stands out as being amazing, but nobody stands out as terrible either so you know what, I'm satisfied.
Doomsday is the ultimate example of just a fun movie that you simply can't think about too much. Many people hate movies like this but as long as they're done well I'm all for them, and this one is done well. Check it out.
*** 1/2 / 5
This is the first movie in my quest to finally go back and catch all of those movies from months ago that I haven't seen yet. This is one of those movies that I'm really not sure why I hadn't seen it yet. I had interest in it when it was in theatres, had access to a pretty decent copy of it for months, but just a couple days ago finally sat down and watched the whole thing. It wasn't a great movie by any means, but damn it was entertaining.
The movie does almost nothing original. It reminds me of about 18 other movies. The important thing though is that what it does, it does kick ass. This is just 2 hours of action, silliness and over the top gore. It's all pretty ridiculous but it's all pretty entertaining too.
The plot is overall pretty simple, and kind of has a Resident Evil vibe to it. It's not too complex, which is fine by me because with a movie like this, an overally complicated plot just takes away from things. There are a few interesting twists and turns here and there, essentially enough to keep you interested in things. This ain't about story though, just like the Resident Evil movies aren't.
The acting isn't anything special, with Rhoda Mitra (at least I'm pretty sure that's her name) channeling Milla Jovavich in yes again, Resident Evil. But I mean come on, watch this movie and tell me Milla couldn't have played that role in her sleep. It's also pretty cool to see Bob Hoskins in anything. Everyone else is just there really, nobody really stands out as being amazing, but nobody stands out as terrible either so you know what, I'm satisfied.
Doomsday is the ultimate example of just a fun movie that you simply can't think about too much. Many people hate movies like this but as long as they're done well I'm all for them, and this one is done well. Check it out.
*** 1/2 / 5
Shawn's Mamma Mia Review
2008 Movie #81 - Mamma Mia
I'm not really a big musical person, which is why it's surprising that in the last year there were actually 2 movies based on broadway musicals that I highly enjoyed, Hairspray and Sweeney Todd. I thougth maybe this was the beginning of a huge turn around for me and I would start to widely embrace the genre. Unfortunatly Mamma Mia kind of ruins that streak. I say kind of because it wasn't a bad movie, I just wasn't a huge fan of it. However it simply comes down to the fact that it really isn't my kind of movie.
I will say this, things do pick up after the first 20 minutes or so. The first part of the movie is the film equivalent of having someone shriek loudly into your face. At this point in time I wasn't even sure I would be able to handle this. Thankfully the volume is turned down a notch from that point on and I was able to enjoy it more.
Abba certainly isn't my favourite band, but I don't mind them and recognized a good chunk of the songs that appeared in the movie. The musical sequences are usually fun and well done, with a few standing out more than others (Mamma Mia and Dancing Queen immediatly spring to mind). Liking these songs is of course key to enjoying the movie, and a lot of the songs were pretty meh to me. Again, I'm just not the crowd this one movie is aiming towards.
The actors in this movie do a very good job, with maybe Pierce Brosnan being the weakest of the bunch. He wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting but he is definitely at the bottom of the Mamma Mia actor/singing ladder. Amanda Seyfriend is the surprise of the movie for me. I've always liked her, from her roles in Mean Girls, Veronica Mars and other things, so it's nice to see her in such an important lead role. I really hope this does a lot for her because I would love to see more of her in the future. Meryl Streep also does a great job, but are we really surprised? I mean the lady can act. Have you seen River Wild? That shit is awesome. The characters of Meryl Streep's friends however, kind of got on my nerves and I almost dreaded scenes they were in. I KNOW I'm going to be in the minority on that one but damn it, that's how I felt.
It's hard for me to even identify just what it was about this movie that prevented me from enjoying it more. I've said it a few times in this review already so I have to just go back to it...it simply wasn't a movie aimed at me. It's well made and will definitely be enjoyed by its target audience, thats just not me.
***/5
I'm not really a big musical person, which is why it's surprising that in the last year there were actually 2 movies based on broadway musicals that I highly enjoyed, Hairspray and Sweeney Todd. I thougth maybe this was the beginning of a huge turn around for me and I would start to widely embrace the genre. Unfortunatly Mamma Mia kind of ruins that streak. I say kind of because it wasn't a bad movie, I just wasn't a huge fan of it. However it simply comes down to the fact that it really isn't my kind of movie.
I will say this, things do pick up after the first 20 minutes or so. The first part of the movie is the film equivalent of having someone shriek loudly into your face. At this point in time I wasn't even sure I would be able to handle this. Thankfully the volume is turned down a notch from that point on and I was able to enjoy it more.
Abba certainly isn't my favourite band, but I don't mind them and recognized a good chunk of the songs that appeared in the movie. The musical sequences are usually fun and well done, with a few standing out more than others (Mamma Mia and Dancing Queen immediatly spring to mind). Liking these songs is of course key to enjoying the movie, and a lot of the songs were pretty meh to me. Again, I'm just not the crowd this one movie is aiming towards.
The actors in this movie do a very good job, with maybe Pierce Brosnan being the weakest of the bunch. He wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting but he is definitely at the bottom of the Mamma Mia actor/singing ladder. Amanda Seyfriend is the surprise of the movie for me. I've always liked her, from her roles in Mean Girls, Veronica Mars and other things, so it's nice to see her in such an important lead role. I really hope this does a lot for her because I would love to see more of her in the future. Meryl Streep also does a great job, but are we really surprised? I mean the lady can act. Have you seen River Wild? That shit is awesome. The characters of Meryl Streep's friends however, kind of got on my nerves and I almost dreaded scenes they were in. I KNOW I'm going to be in the minority on that one but damn it, that's how I felt.
It's hard for me to even identify just what it was about this movie that prevented me from enjoying it more. I've said it a few times in this review already so I have to just go back to it...it simply wasn't a movie aimed at me. It's well made and will definitely be enjoyed by its target audience, thats just not me.
***/5
Shawn's Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Review
2008 Movie #80 - Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
After this long, was anyone really begging for this movie to be made? When I first heard the announcement for this movie I kind of assumed it was going to be a straight to DVD sequel. But then look at that, most of the original cast came back (well two of them anyway) and the bad boy was getting a big ole theatrical release. Jet Li being in it though did lend some credibility to the project. What does the movie do with Jet Li though? Fucking wasted him. That being said, the whole movie kind of feels like a waste, and just brings me back to my initial reaction to this movie, was just wondering why they bothered making this one.
That’s really the main problem I had with this movie, is that there really doesn’t seem to be any clear reason why this movie needed to be made. It doesn’t expand the story in any interesting way. It’s just a rehash of the older movies, which I didn’t think anybody liked that much anyway. So why bother, especially after 6 years. I mean sure Indiana Jones just came out with a new movie after almost 20 years but that’s Indiana fucking Jones. You’re the Mummy, and if even the Indiana Jones movie ended up being a let down, what chance do you have Mummy?
Another thing that slightly angered me about this movie as well is that most of it doesn’t even make any fucking sense. For example, in the beginning they talk about all the powers the mummy has, including but not limited to controlling fire, ice, I think steel, shape shifting and all sorts of wild shit. So…why does he never do that? Why does he waste the heroes time with sword fights and car chases and what not when he could just fire or ice or shape shift their asses?
Sometimes he does it, but the heroes always easily escape because he never seems to do it right. When he shoots a fireball it just doesn’t shoot out all of a sudden, the fire ball forms in his hand for 5 fucking minutes so the heroes can have plenty of time to realize “Uh oh he’s gonna shoot that, better duck behind this rock.” Another example is when he makes sharp icicles come out of the ground where our heroes are standing. However he makes them shoot up in front of them and then they slowly make their way towards them, giving them again plenty of time to back up to safety. Why the hell wouldn’t he just have them immediately shoot up underneath them?! There’s no getting away from that! You have to think these things through Mr. Mummy. He also morphs into some creatures later on in the movie, including a three headed dragon which I'll admit is kind of awesome. Again it doesn't make much sense though because he only changes into them for a few minutes (most of the time seconds) at a time, and never really does anything cool or productive when he's in those forms. Overall as far as mummies go, this one could use a little studying up.
The yeti sequence was one from the trailers that I was actually looking forward to and for the most part it was kind of neat except it leaves me with one question...how in the fuck do these yetis know about american football?! That moment took me completely out of the movie because it doesn't only make no sense at all, but it's not even funny. In fact it's painfully unfunny. So why sink your movie even further for the sake of a lame joke?
Good lord long review, but it ain't over yet. The acting in this movie certainly doesn't help the situation either. Brendan Frasier basically does the same shit that he always does, shout his dialogue, make goofy faces, and generally not quite piss you off, but you can't really like him either. Maria Bello does her best to replace Rachel Weisz but it just doesn't work. Just everything about the character feels wrong this time around. Their son, played by I believe Luke Ford, doesn't make sense as a character because he looks like he would be Brendan Frasier's brother, definitely not his son. Also the actor is just god awful. He looks like he thinks hes fucking amazing and that just angered me more. Any attempts to be suave are just pathetic and overall his performance was just bad, bad. His girlfriend was also quite terrible. Also as mentioned above Jet Li is maybe in the movie for 6 or 7 minutes which is just a fucking waste of epic porportions.
When I look back over this review it looks like I really hated this movie. I didn't hate it, but it wasn't very good either. It just feels pointless overall, with decent but underwhelming action and annoying performances, except of course Jet Li but that barely counts as a performance since his character is CGI for 95% of the movie. I'll give this one the score I do because it was never boring at least, and kept me entertained but mostly because of just how damn goofy the whole thing was.
**/5
After this long, was anyone really begging for this movie to be made? When I first heard the announcement for this movie I kind of assumed it was going to be a straight to DVD sequel. But then look at that, most of the original cast came back (well two of them anyway) and the bad boy was getting a big ole theatrical release. Jet Li being in it though did lend some credibility to the project. What does the movie do with Jet Li though? Fucking wasted him. That being said, the whole movie kind of feels like a waste, and just brings me back to my initial reaction to this movie, was just wondering why they bothered making this one.
That’s really the main problem I had with this movie, is that there really doesn’t seem to be any clear reason why this movie needed to be made. It doesn’t expand the story in any interesting way. It’s just a rehash of the older movies, which I didn’t think anybody liked that much anyway. So why bother, especially after 6 years. I mean sure Indiana Jones just came out with a new movie after almost 20 years but that’s Indiana fucking Jones. You’re the Mummy, and if even the Indiana Jones movie ended up being a let down, what chance do you have Mummy?
Another thing that slightly angered me about this movie as well is that most of it doesn’t even make any fucking sense. For example, in the beginning they talk about all the powers the mummy has, including but not limited to controlling fire, ice, I think steel, shape shifting and all sorts of wild shit. So…why does he never do that? Why does he waste the heroes time with sword fights and car chases and what not when he could just fire or ice or shape shift their asses?
Sometimes he does it, but the heroes always easily escape because he never seems to do it right. When he shoots a fireball it just doesn’t shoot out all of a sudden, the fire ball forms in his hand for 5 fucking minutes so the heroes can have plenty of time to realize “Uh oh he’s gonna shoot that, better duck behind this rock.” Another example is when he makes sharp icicles come out of the ground where our heroes are standing. However he makes them shoot up in front of them and then they slowly make their way towards them, giving them again plenty of time to back up to safety. Why the hell wouldn’t he just have them immediately shoot up underneath them?! There’s no getting away from that! You have to think these things through Mr. Mummy. He also morphs into some creatures later on in the movie, including a three headed dragon which I'll admit is kind of awesome. Again it doesn't make much sense though because he only changes into them for a few minutes (most of the time seconds) at a time, and never really does anything cool or productive when he's in those forms. Overall as far as mummies go, this one could use a little studying up.
The yeti sequence was one from the trailers that I was actually looking forward to and for the most part it was kind of neat except it leaves me with one question...how in the fuck do these yetis know about american football?! That moment took me completely out of the movie because it doesn't only make no sense at all, but it's not even funny. In fact it's painfully unfunny. So why sink your movie even further for the sake of a lame joke?
Good lord long review, but it ain't over yet. The acting in this movie certainly doesn't help the situation either. Brendan Frasier basically does the same shit that he always does, shout his dialogue, make goofy faces, and generally not quite piss you off, but you can't really like him either. Maria Bello does her best to replace Rachel Weisz but it just doesn't work. Just everything about the character feels wrong this time around. Their son, played by I believe Luke Ford, doesn't make sense as a character because he looks like he would be Brendan Frasier's brother, definitely not his son. Also the actor is just god awful. He looks like he thinks hes fucking amazing and that just angered me more. Any attempts to be suave are just pathetic and overall his performance was just bad, bad. His girlfriend was also quite terrible. Also as mentioned above Jet Li is maybe in the movie for 6 or 7 minutes which is just a fucking waste of epic porportions.
When I look back over this review it looks like I really hated this movie. I didn't hate it, but it wasn't very good either. It just feels pointless overall, with decent but underwhelming action and annoying performances, except of course Jet Li but that barely counts as a performance since his character is CGI for 95% of the movie. I'll give this one the score I do because it was never boring at least, and kept me entertained but mostly because of just how damn goofy the whole thing was.
**/5
Shawn's Hancock Review
2008 Movie #79 - Hancock
I kept going back and forth about whether or not I was excited about this one or not. I do like Will Smith, so it had that going for it. However the trailers didn’t do a whole lot for me. Then the reviews started coming in. As a result I let this one go ignored for the most part of July, seeing it in the end almost entirely because it was leaving theatres the next day. In the end, I’m not unhappy I waited this long to see it, although it was a little better than I thought it would be.
The main problem with this movie is that it is just trying to be too many things at once. I’m all for a totally original superhero movie. There’s no need to stay loyal to the source material to please fans, you’re free to just do whatever the hell you want. They really missed an opportunity with that though. They could have gone any route they wanted, god only knows why they chose the one they did. This definitely feels like an R rated movie that was toned down to be PG-13. There also feels like there are just huge sequences missing as the movie (especially the last third) feels disjointed and just all the fuck over the place.
I will say though that the first half of this movie is quite good and I really wish they had kept the same tone throughout. It has a darker sense of humor with Will Smith cursing out citizens and generally being a dick. We’ve seen the reluctant superhero before but never quite to this extent, so I enjoyed it. However once Hancock decides to turn his life around, the movie also turns itself around…but to face a shitty direction. That was terrible I’m sorry, but you get my point I hope.
At this point in the movie we get into the origin story, which is pretty lame actually. It’s one of those “wow, really?” kind of moments, but not in a good way. Then of course we get the pointless plot twists and then the movie kind of just stops. There has to be stuff missing and if there is an unrated cut of this movie when it comes out on DVD I will definitely be checking it out because I have to believe it would be an improvement.
The action in the movie is decent, if not a little by the numbers. The action scenes are definitely entertaining, but they’re not anything that special at the same time. The humor works in the beginning when Hancock is in his hostile mood, but as mentioned earlier the humor takes a back seat in the last half and the movie suffers for it. It just doesn’t do drama so well.
So Hancock kind of works as a comedy, kind of works as an action movie, and doesn’t really work as a drama. So as a result, it only kind of works as a good movie.
** ½ / 5
I kept going back and forth about whether or not I was excited about this one or not. I do like Will Smith, so it had that going for it. However the trailers didn’t do a whole lot for me. Then the reviews started coming in. As a result I let this one go ignored for the most part of July, seeing it in the end almost entirely because it was leaving theatres the next day. In the end, I’m not unhappy I waited this long to see it, although it was a little better than I thought it would be.
The main problem with this movie is that it is just trying to be too many things at once. I’m all for a totally original superhero movie. There’s no need to stay loyal to the source material to please fans, you’re free to just do whatever the hell you want. They really missed an opportunity with that though. They could have gone any route they wanted, god only knows why they chose the one they did. This definitely feels like an R rated movie that was toned down to be PG-13. There also feels like there are just huge sequences missing as the movie (especially the last third) feels disjointed and just all the fuck over the place.
I will say though that the first half of this movie is quite good and I really wish they had kept the same tone throughout. It has a darker sense of humor with Will Smith cursing out citizens and generally being a dick. We’ve seen the reluctant superhero before but never quite to this extent, so I enjoyed it. However once Hancock decides to turn his life around, the movie also turns itself around…but to face a shitty direction. That was terrible I’m sorry, but you get my point I hope.
At this point in the movie we get into the origin story, which is pretty lame actually. It’s one of those “wow, really?” kind of moments, but not in a good way. Then of course we get the pointless plot twists and then the movie kind of just stops. There has to be stuff missing and if there is an unrated cut of this movie when it comes out on DVD I will definitely be checking it out because I have to believe it would be an improvement.
The action in the movie is decent, if not a little by the numbers. The action scenes are definitely entertaining, but they’re not anything that special at the same time. The humor works in the beginning when Hancock is in his hostile mood, but as mentioned earlier the humor takes a back seat in the last half and the movie suffers for it. It just doesn’t do drama so well.
So Hancock kind of works as a comedy, kind of works as an action movie, and doesn’t really work as a drama. So as a result, it only kind of works as a good movie.
** ½ / 5
Shawn's Rogue Review
2008 Movie #78 - Rogue
I’m going to come right out and say it, I’m a huge sucker for any movie where a huge alligator or crocodile comes on the scene and fucks with everyone’s shit. I may have said that already in my Lake Placid 2 review but even I don’t ever want to read that review again so I guess we’ll never know for sure. Unfortunately my thirst for this kind of movie is very rarely quenched because not only are they rare, but 99% of the time they’re fucking terrible. Sure I have a soft spot for the first Lake Placid and even Primeval had it’s moments despite some terrible marketing. There’s an old one from the 70’s or 80’s that was also pretty damn entertaining. Other than that though, the pickings are very very slim. So what the hell is a blood hungry crocodile fan to do? Well I now have the answer, watch the movie Rogue.
This one was supposed to come out early last year but was delayed, presumably because of the release of Primeval around the same time. That’s really too bad because this movie is so much better in just about every way imaginable. Technically I think this would actually be a 2007 movie but by this point in the adventure we’ve pretty much thrown rules out the window so who cares.
The first thing to note about this movie is that it avoids being cheesy. I expected it to be pretty stupid but this is actually a pretty well made little horror movie. There are some genuinely suspenseful sequences here and for the most part the tension never lets up for at least the middle part of the movie. It takes a little while to get going in the start but this is because it actually tries to get you to care for its characters, which isn’t completely successful but they certainly do a much better job than most other movies like this.
For the most part the crocodile stays offscreen, which is pretty effective for the most part. I’m guessing this was done for both suspense reasons and to hide the special effects, which works for me because nothing takes you out of the movie faster than awful special effects *looks at Lake Placid 2, then runs at it and kicks it in the throat for being so stupid*. You do see the creature in plain view eventually but the special effects are just decent enough to not ruin things.
This is a great example of a movie being better than it has any right to be. It’s nothing groundbreaking but it does what it does well, and for a killer crocodile movie that’s very rare. Keep ‘em coming Hollywood!
*** ½ /5
I’m going to come right out and say it, I’m a huge sucker for any movie where a huge alligator or crocodile comes on the scene and fucks with everyone’s shit. I may have said that already in my Lake Placid 2 review but even I don’t ever want to read that review again so I guess we’ll never know for sure. Unfortunately my thirst for this kind of movie is very rarely quenched because not only are they rare, but 99% of the time they’re fucking terrible. Sure I have a soft spot for the first Lake Placid and even Primeval had it’s moments despite some terrible marketing. There’s an old one from the 70’s or 80’s that was also pretty damn entertaining. Other than that though, the pickings are very very slim. So what the hell is a blood hungry crocodile fan to do? Well I now have the answer, watch the movie Rogue.
This one was supposed to come out early last year but was delayed, presumably because of the release of Primeval around the same time. That’s really too bad because this movie is so much better in just about every way imaginable. Technically I think this would actually be a 2007 movie but by this point in the adventure we’ve pretty much thrown rules out the window so who cares.
The first thing to note about this movie is that it avoids being cheesy. I expected it to be pretty stupid but this is actually a pretty well made little horror movie. There are some genuinely suspenseful sequences here and for the most part the tension never lets up for at least the middle part of the movie. It takes a little while to get going in the start but this is because it actually tries to get you to care for its characters, which isn’t completely successful but they certainly do a much better job than most other movies like this.
For the most part the crocodile stays offscreen, which is pretty effective for the most part. I’m guessing this was done for both suspense reasons and to hide the special effects, which works for me because nothing takes you out of the movie faster than awful special effects *looks at Lake Placid 2, then runs at it and kicks it in the throat for being so stupid*. You do see the creature in plain view eventually but the special effects are just decent enough to not ruin things.
This is a great example of a movie being better than it has any right to be. It’s nothing groundbreaking but it does what it does well, and for a killer crocodile movie that’s very rare. Keep ‘em coming Hollywood!
*** ½ /5
Shawn's In Bruges Review
2008 Movie #77 - In Bruges
I wanted to see this movie when it was first playing in my local theatre but just never got around to it. New movies kept coming out and I would see them, constantly putting this one on the backburner. The only available online copy was crap so I figured I would just bite the bullet with this one and wait until it came out on DVD. That day has arrived and I finally got to see this movie.
I had heard very mixed things about this one and really had no idea what to expect. I didn’t know if it was supposed to be a crime movie, a drama, an action movie, a comedy, a dark comedy, or what. In the end it turns out to be a damn good mix of just about all of those genres. If I had to pick one of those that best describes the movie it would probably be a dark (very dark) comedy. However it never sticks to one thing for too long and yet the movie never feels like it’s trying to do too many things at once.
The cast in this is just fantastic. Before I watched this movie I took a look through Colin Farrell’s filmography only to discover that well, the man just hasn’t made that many good movies. At least not movies I enjoyed. In fact overall his filmography is kinda crap. American Outlaws, Alexander, The Recruit, Miami Vice, S.W.A.T, Daredevil…not a whole hell of a lot to work with there. Though I’ll give him Phone Booth and I’ll definitely give him Minority Report, although it doesn’t really count as his movie. Anyway that was basically just an unnecessarily long way of saying that the man is really fucking good in this movie, in fact I would say he’s the highlight. He puts in a really funny and moving performance that makes a character that is very much an asshole, sympathetic and easy to route for.
Brendan Gleeson is also great as his partner, but Ralph Fiennes almost steals the whole thing late in the game. He doesn’t show up until near the end but when he does, prepare to have your fucking face rocked off. I could go on and on about the cast…actually no that’s just about everything I wanted to say about them. Nevermind.
Another thing about this movie that I have to give it huge credit for is that I had no idea what was going to happen or how the whole was going to end. That is getting rarer and rarer it seems these days. I mean even with the really good movies (Wall-e, Iron Man, etc) you pretty much know how everything is going to turn out, it’s the journey there that’s entertaining. In Bruges was one of those times where I honestly had no idea how the hell everything was going to turn out. So huge kudos for that one.
Definitely check this movie out, although it’s probably not going to be for everyone. In somes ways it reminded me of Lucky Number Slevin, a movie that will be very love it or hate it, since many people may find the movie smarmy and thinking it’s better than them. Well guess what? In Bruges is better than you so fucking deal with it.
****/5
I wanted to see this movie when it was first playing in my local theatre but just never got around to it. New movies kept coming out and I would see them, constantly putting this one on the backburner. The only available online copy was crap so I figured I would just bite the bullet with this one and wait until it came out on DVD. That day has arrived and I finally got to see this movie.
I had heard very mixed things about this one and really had no idea what to expect. I didn’t know if it was supposed to be a crime movie, a drama, an action movie, a comedy, a dark comedy, or what. In the end it turns out to be a damn good mix of just about all of those genres. If I had to pick one of those that best describes the movie it would probably be a dark (very dark) comedy. However it never sticks to one thing for too long and yet the movie never feels like it’s trying to do too many things at once.
The cast in this is just fantastic. Before I watched this movie I took a look through Colin Farrell’s filmography only to discover that well, the man just hasn’t made that many good movies. At least not movies I enjoyed. In fact overall his filmography is kinda crap. American Outlaws, Alexander, The Recruit, Miami Vice, S.W.A.T, Daredevil…not a whole hell of a lot to work with there. Though I’ll give him Phone Booth and I’ll definitely give him Minority Report, although it doesn’t really count as his movie. Anyway that was basically just an unnecessarily long way of saying that the man is really fucking good in this movie, in fact I would say he’s the highlight. He puts in a really funny and moving performance that makes a character that is very much an asshole, sympathetic and easy to route for.
Brendan Gleeson is also great as his partner, but Ralph Fiennes almost steals the whole thing late in the game. He doesn’t show up until near the end but when he does, prepare to have your fucking face rocked off. I could go on and on about the cast…actually no that’s just about everything I wanted to say about them. Nevermind.
Another thing about this movie that I have to give it huge credit for is that I had no idea what was going to happen or how the whole was going to end. That is getting rarer and rarer it seems these days. I mean even with the really good movies (Wall-e, Iron Man, etc) you pretty much know how everything is going to turn out, it’s the journey there that’s entertaining. In Bruges was one of those times where I honestly had no idea how the hell everything was going to turn out. So huge kudos for that one.
Definitely check this movie out, although it’s probably not going to be for everyone. In somes ways it reminded me of Lucky Number Slevin, a movie that will be very love it or hate it, since many people may find the movie smarmy and thinking it’s better than them. Well guess what? In Bruges is better than you so fucking deal with it.
****/5
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Shawn's Hottie and the Nottie Review
2008 Movie #76 - The Hottie and the Nottie
This one is sort of an example of torturing myself for no real reason. This movie doesn't fall into the rules that were set up for this experiment and I easily could have gone through life without ever having to watch it. I could have just listened to all the god awful reviews from critics and humans alike and pretended it didn't even exist. So where the fuck did I go wrong? I guess it was one of those things where you have to see just how bad it really is. Well adding one more review to the cauldron of shit reviews this one already has certainly isn't going to change much but for the record...yes it's bad...yes it's THAT bad.
All the bad stuff that needs to be said about this movie has pretty much already been said by a ton of other people and I really don't have anything new to add to all of that. This movie was number 1 on the bottom 100 on IMDB and with good reason. It also only made something like 27 bucks at each theatre when it opened, although that still means people were willing to pay to see it, even if it was that few.
Paris Hilton...I mean what else is there to say? Why is she famous, I don't even think she fucking knows. Can she act? No. Can she sing? No. Is she attractive? If you ask me, no. So what....the....fuck? Don't you just want to sit down every person who is a fan of hers and just pick their brain about why that is? You probably still wouldn't understand and would just end up slapping them around for a couple hours to feel better about things. She really is terrible in this movie. Even an actress with crazy talent couldn't elevate this material above basement level shit. So what chance does Paris stand? That's right, no fucking chance whatsoever.
The rest of the cast doesn't fare much better. In the lead role Joel David Moore doesn't seem to understand that he's starring in an unfunny pile of garbage. he gives it his all which just makes the movie even more unbearable. Even worse is his friend who I'm pretty positive is credited as "The Greg Wilson." Wow he put a the before his name? That motherfucker must be just wacky and fucking zany to no end huh? Nope. He's a low rent version of a low rent version of a low rent version of Jack Black. But worse. Again the problem is that I think the guy believes hes fucking hilarious which makes it so frustrating to watch!
This is all not even mentioning the basic premise of the movie, which boils to down to hot people deserving happines, and ugly people deserving ridicule. Basically hot people = awesome, ugly people = fuck you, go die. Thats' how this movie thinks. Unless the ugly person becomes hot, then it's ok for them to be happy and be liked. How did anyone ever think they were making a movie with a positive message? I mean this is worse than that show The Swan, and that show was FUCKING BAD! *ROAR*
At least I can take away the satisfaction of knowing this movie was a huge flop that was hated by every single person who saw it. That's about the only positive thing to come from this. Too bad I had to gouge out my left eye before the movie was over just to make sur eI could still feel. Ah well.
.5 / 5
This one is sort of an example of torturing myself for no real reason. This movie doesn't fall into the rules that were set up for this experiment and I easily could have gone through life without ever having to watch it. I could have just listened to all the god awful reviews from critics and humans alike and pretended it didn't even exist. So where the fuck did I go wrong? I guess it was one of those things where you have to see just how bad it really is. Well adding one more review to the cauldron of shit reviews this one already has certainly isn't going to change much but for the record...yes it's bad...yes it's THAT bad.
All the bad stuff that needs to be said about this movie has pretty much already been said by a ton of other people and I really don't have anything new to add to all of that. This movie was number 1 on the bottom 100 on IMDB and with good reason. It also only made something like 27 bucks at each theatre when it opened, although that still means people were willing to pay to see it, even if it was that few.
Paris Hilton...I mean what else is there to say? Why is she famous, I don't even think she fucking knows. Can she act? No. Can she sing? No. Is she attractive? If you ask me, no. So what....the....fuck? Don't you just want to sit down every person who is a fan of hers and just pick their brain about why that is? You probably still wouldn't understand and would just end up slapping them around for a couple hours to feel better about things. She really is terrible in this movie. Even an actress with crazy talent couldn't elevate this material above basement level shit. So what chance does Paris stand? That's right, no fucking chance whatsoever.
The rest of the cast doesn't fare much better. In the lead role Joel David Moore doesn't seem to understand that he's starring in an unfunny pile of garbage. he gives it his all which just makes the movie even more unbearable. Even worse is his friend who I'm pretty positive is credited as "The Greg Wilson." Wow he put a the before his name? That motherfucker must be just wacky and fucking zany to no end huh? Nope. He's a low rent version of a low rent version of a low rent version of Jack Black. But worse. Again the problem is that I think the guy believes hes fucking hilarious which makes it so frustrating to watch!
This is all not even mentioning the basic premise of the movie, which boils to down to hot people deserving happines, and ugly people deserving ridicule. Basically hot people = awesome, ugly people = fuck you, go die. Thats' how this movie thinks. Unless the ugly person becomes hot, then it's ok for them to be happy and be liked. How did anyone ever think they were making a movie with a positive message? I mean this is worse than that show The Swan, and that show was FUCKING BAD! *ROAR*
At least I can take away the satisfaction of knowing this movie was a huge flop that was hated by every single person who saw it. That's about the only positive thing to come from this. Too bad I had to gouge out my left eye before the movie was over just to make sur eI could still feel. Ah well.
.5 / 5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)