Shawn's Look Back At January

For the first time ever, I've actually managed to see every movie that's come out during a month, before the month actually comes to an end. It's a weird feeling. So far I'm actually kind of enjoying this whole seeing every movie thing. Sure it has it's downsides, but there's something kind of fun about it. Like a scavenger hunt or something. I don't know I can't exactly explain it...shut up. I say I enjoy it now but I say probably as soon as the start of March my spirits will just be shattered. So here is my look back at month one of twelve of these damn things.

At the start of the month I refered to it as the dumping ground for shit movies. While there were certainly examples of this throughout the month, it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. If anything, February looks like it could be a lot worse. But we'll get to that in the next update.

So as of now I'm still not exactly sure how I want to do these end of the month summaries so the pattern could change month by month. For this one, I'm choosing to use categories, so here we go.

Best Movie - Cloverfield

No real surprise here. I think this might be the first time ever that a movie I saw in January will stand a great chance of being in my top 10 movies of the year once December hits. If you haven't seen this one yet get off my planet.

Worst Movie - Meet the Spartans

I've already written close to 3000 words about this movie so there really isn't any need to say anymore about it. It's the worst movie of the month, will almost definitely be the worst movie of the year, and is one of the worst movies ever released. Wow...I just said in like 20 words what took me two rants to get across.

Biggest Surprise - Untraceable

This category was actually kind of hard because there really wasn't one movie this month that I thought was going to be terrible but actually turned out to be great. I was thinking about putting Mad Money because it was worse than I even thought it would be. I decided on this one because I expected it to be just horrible but it was actually surprisingly entertaining. It's getting a lot more shit from critics than it really deserves.

Biggest Disappointment - Bucket List

This movie had the potential to be so much better than it was. If it wasn't for the two actors performances this would not have been very good.

Trend that has to stop IMMEDIATLY - Unfunny spoofs/japanese horror remakes/dance movies

This one had to be a three way tie because all three of these genres need to be stopped. The fact that there are more movies in each of these genres scheduled for release (some of them coming out very soon), this wish won't be granted anytime soon.

That's really all of the categories I have right now. Perhaps if I think of more I will update this thing. Goodbye January! You weren't as terrible as I was expecting you to be.

Overall January Rating - 6.5/10 (yes movie ratings are out of 5 and month ratings are out of 10, DEAL WITH IT!)

Shawn's How She Move Review

2008 Movie #14 - How She Move

This movie wasn't included in the schedule listed at the start of the month but since it was playing in about 1,600 theatres it counted as a release that I was required to see in this quest. Lucky me....

First off, let it be said that I have absolutely no interest in any movie like this one. You Got Served, Stomp the Yard, Step Up (and of course the upcoming sequel), I just have no interest in any of them, despite having watched the first two. I know a lot of people enjoy them purely for the dancing, which even I'll admit can be pretty cool, but overall even the dancing does nothing to pull me into these types of movies. It especially doesn't help that the plot and characters that attempt to hold it all together between dance sequences are usually not only not interesting, but just completely dull.

That just about sums up How She Move. The plot and characters are just not interesting to watch. It's not that it's horrible, it's just so completely dull that it really isn't anything. The dancing sequences, while undeniably impressive, aren't even as good as some of the other movies in this genre. Therefore it's simply not worth wading through all of the generic plotlines and what not to get to them.

The dialogue is essentially the same story, very uninteresting. Again, I really have nothing further to say about this movie. Again I may have gone into it kind of biased since I have no interest at all in these movies, but the movie still did nothing to impress me. I was bored throughout and was honestly excited for this movie to end. Wow, it's really hard to write reviews for movies unless I either loved them or violently disliked them.

*/5

Well that wraps up January. Stay tuned for my month in review, as well as my preview of the shitfest that appears to be February.

Shawn's Meet the Spartans Review

Well I already wrote a rant about this movie that was longer than any review I've written and I hadn't even seen the damn movie yet. Well now I have and well....let's see what I have to say.

2008 Movie #13- Meet the Spartans

I'll admit that it was an honest fear that somehow, even after writing that enraged rant, I would walk away from this movie pleasantly surprised. I was actually afraid of this, waking up in cold sweats in the middle of the night. After having watched the movie I can say that those fears were groundless because not only was the movie terrible, it was actually more terrible than I ever could have antipated, and I anticipated the shit out of it already.

Now I already covered in the rant the whole aspect that these movies don't really have jokes. They just make references to other movies/shows/basically any reference that will be old in 2 weeks, or in many cases is already old now. There aren't any jokes within the reference, they simply just show you them and move along to the next one.

So the writers already insult your intelligence by piling on 64 minutes (yes thats actually how long it is, barely the length of an episode of TV) of constant, unfunny references to other, more entertaining movies. However, they then proceed to call your intelligence's mom a fat bitch (oh which by the way, the movie does contain a 2-3 minute long sequence of horrible "yo mama" jokes the writers probably got out of a 1960's joke book). See it's not enough to make the reference, they feel it's needed to explain each and every reference just in case you don't get it. Now it's one thing to tell a really bad joke, but then to have the fucking nerve to explain the bad joke to us. What, did you think we didn't get it? We fucking see Ghost Rider you don't have to say his fucking name. How does this not piss anyone else off? The writers think all of you are idiots who need every joke in a movie flat out explained to them. Did they think they were just so fucking clever the rest of the world would never get their marvelous wit and humour? Jesus christ.

....wow. ok...breathe. Anyway let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. There's a scene in the movie that reflects the one in 300 where they speak with the Oracle. In Meet the Spartans, when we first see the oracle's face, it's revealed to be a look alike of Ugly Betty. After her face is shown for a few seconds, the character then proceeds to actually say the words "Ugly Betty?" Ugly Betty then says "Save the cheerleader, save the world." No joke, just the exact quote. See we're supposed to laugh because we know it's from Heroes. Unless you didn't know, but don't worry because Meet the Spartans has you covered. The character then says "I don't really care for Heroes." And it just goes on like this the whole movie! Show another movie/character, tell us what the reference is, lather, rinse, repeat. I'm not even exagerating either. You want more examples? I got examples out the ass.

-One character is refered to having a "venomous reaction" to something, and then is wearing the black spidersuit. after saying that and showing us the spiderman suit for a few seconds, the narrator then says "just like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 3" Gee, thank you. Now the one person who doesnt know who Spiderman is can rest easy that they too can be on your brilliant jokes.

-A grand theft auto parody features a shot of a "San Andreas" tattoo for at least 5 seconds.

You know what, it's making me too mad listing these. I could seriously bitch about this movie forfuckingever. Let me leave you with one more example of these guys and their "wit". When Britney Spears shows up (for no reason mind you) they spend 2,3 minutes making jokes about how Britney is a tad irresponsable. Wow, good thing we haven't heard those jokes ad nasuem for the last 2 years from every talk show host, DJ, comedian, website, tabloid, random person on the street, etc.

In conclusion, this movie is a fucking abomination made by 2 people that hate you and think you're all fucking idiots. Giving this movie money is the equivalent of paying someone to tell you how fucking dumb you are for just over an hour. Trust me, these guys are laughing their asses off right now that people actually spent 20 million dollars on this thing. A year from now I'm sure their next movie will be out in theatres. I too will be at the theatre, with a billy club waiting to smash the kneecaps of anyone buying a ticket for that show.

Seacrest Out! (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! RANDOM AMERICAN IDOL REFERENCE! GIMME 20 MILLION DOLLARS!)

fucking -10000/5

Shawn's Bucket List and 27 Dresses Reviews

So let's get things started here with 2 more reviews...

2008 Movie #11 - The Bucket List

So this is one of the few movies so far in this quest that I probably would have gone to see regardless. It's pretty much for the two actors because let's face it Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are two of the greatest actors ever and can elevate even the shittiest movies in at least some way *cough* Evan Almighty *cough*. After having actually watched the movie I have to say that with any other two actors in the starring roles, this movie wouldn't have been very good. However these two take what is overall pretty standard, run of the mill material and take it to much higher levels than it should be capable of.

The plot is about two men who are told they have around a year to live. Therefore they create a bucket list, a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket". Along the way they learn about themselves and go through plenty of sometimes a little too sappy, sentimental moments.

As mentioned above, the acting is the best part of this movie with both Nicholson and Freeman turning in great (although certainly not their best) performances. Sean Hayes is also good as Nicholson's assistant.

There are some generally pretty effective moments in this movie in terms of both humour and emotion. A few parts are just a tad over the top and manipulative in terms of sentimentality but for the most part these moments work.

Wow, you know I thought I would have a bit more to say about this movie than that but I really don't. Decent story, good moments throughout and two great main performances that hold it all together. That's everything you really need to know right there.

***/5


2008 Movie #12 - 27 Dresses

I just typed up the entire review for this movie only to have it screw it up when being published and not actually go through. So now I have to retype the whole fucking and I'm really not as motivated this time, which is too bad because the original review was actually quite good I must say. Anyway, on to the second 27 Dresses review I've written in the last 15 minutes...

So let's face it, nobody goes to see romantic comedies in order to be surprised. They all pretty much take the exact same route with very few strays from the formula. 27 Dresses falls strictly into this category. It follows the route you would completely expect it to follow. There's never some moment where Katherine Heigl murders someone or James Marsden just starts smacking her around. However, since all romantic comedies are essentially the exact same movie its very important that they accomplish at least two things to make them enjoyable.

1. Likable leads
2. Good chemistry between these leads

Thankfully 27 Dresses accomplishes both of these quite well. I've been a fan of Katherine Heigl since back when she was in Bride of Chucky...that's right, how many of you can make that claim? I've always been pretty indifferent to James Marsden but he's actually quite good here. Overall this is very similar to the Bucket List in the fact that the two leads manage to take what is in the long run some very basic, predictable material and elevate it to levels that it probably doesn't even deserve.

As mentioned before, of course this movie is predictable, as are all romantic comedies. They are follow what is essentially the same overall checklist...

[] Two people meet. One person doesn't like the other one at first but gradually falls for them as the movie continues
[] There is always a best friend who encourages the lead to have tons of meaningless sex and always makes "jokes" about how they dont get the lead would rather have love instead
[] A usually over the top bonding scene (such as karoke, as is the case with this movie) that would never play out like that in real life (perfectly choreographed dance numbers anyone?)
[] Make sure to have a fight between the two leads around the 3/4 mark
[] Fight is reconciled and everyone winds up happy
[] Have someone learn something about themselves along the way that they tell the other person in a sentimental speech

27 Dresses does not stray at all from this checklist. Thankfully the path it follows as it goes from point to point is decently entertaining. There are a few funny lines here and there, the performances are quite good, the characters likable (except the sister, she needs a good smacking around) and a few scenes generally enjoyable. As far as romantic comedies go you could certainly do a lot worse than 27 Dresses and I'm sure I myself will do a lot worse with other ones in the coming weeks *stares directly at "Fool's Gold"*

***/5

Shawn's First Rant

So in the spirit of the occasion I have decided to introduce a brand new feature to the blog in which I simply rant about something movie related (or maybe sometimes unrelated if it's pissing me off enough) that's making me mad. The occasion I'm refering to right now is of course....

How in the FUCK is Meet the Spartans the number 1 movie this weekend?!

I don't even know where to begin on how terrible this is. Granted yes I haven't seen the movie but I've seen Date Movie and Epic Movie and what a fucking waste they are so I can only imagine about this one.

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are without a doubt the worst thing to happen to movies since....well ever. I mean Uwe Boll is bad but even he can't touch these fucking clowns. I don't mean clowns as in funny (which does anyone even think clowns are anyway? anyone?) but in the saddest fucking way possible. The fact that they have now written, released and profited from THREE movies means the following things...

1) Society has reached an all new low
2) We're maybe 2 years away from Ass: The Movie becoming a reality (kudos to anyone who gets that reference)
3) You can officially write anything and release it as a movie. In fact, here is my 40 million dollar hit script right here...

SHOW SCENES FROM ANY POPULAR MOVIE THAT'S COME OUT IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS AND HARDLY CHANGE THEM AT ALL. 6 MONTHS IS KEY BECAUSE WE WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT NO JOKES IN THIS MOVIE ARE RELEVANT BY THE TIME IT HITS DVD. ANYWAY, ALL WE'LL DO IS SIMPLY REFERENCE THE MOVIE AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME WE'RE BEING CLEVER. HOWEVER MAKE SURE THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE DO THESE JOKES ACTUALLY BECOME CLEVER OR FUNNY. I REPEAT NOTHING FUNNY GOES IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE! ANYWAY JUST FILL 60 MINUTES WITH THAT AND SOME PUKE AND SHIT JOKES AND WE SHOULD BE GOOD.

THE END

How did that sound? Do you think I have another number 1 hit on my hands here? It's no different than Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans so why the hell not?

I just can't wrap my head around this whole thing. How could people see the commercials for this pile of duck shit and say "Oh my sweet jesus yes!" I mean I know different people find different things funny but come on really?! This isn't comedy! Making pop culture references for the hell of it isn't comedy! It's just fucking lazy! Just because you recognize Spider-Man or Sanjaya doesn't mean it's funny! Something funny has to actually happen with them, not just showing them or acknowledging that they do indeed exist. By that rational I could walk up to anyone who enjoyed this movie and simply say "Donald Trump" and they will laugh their motherfucking ass off.

That brings us to, did anyone really enjoy this movie? I've talked to a few who have yes. The movie had a 0% on rottentomatoes.com for days but now it's been ruined with one good review that's brought it up to a 4%. However this one good review certainly doesn't help the movie's case. Let me demonstrate with a sentence taken from this "good" review.

"One of the film's funnier moments arrives when internet curiosity Chris Crocker appears on screen delivering the "Leave Britney Alone!" rant on YouTube that landed him his 15 minutes of fame."

Ok....so you're saying one of the film's funnier moments is when they show us a youtube video that's already existed for months and has nothing to do with the filmmakes themselves? They just showed us something else funny. By that rational I could release a movie where 3 people simply sit around and watch Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters already exists and is already funny, therefore by showing it my movie is automatically funny now too.

Anyone who says they want to see this movie always follows it with the same thing..."Well I want to see it because it's stupid" or "I want to see how stupid it is." What the fuck? So you're basically admitting you just want to waste 10 dollars. Why not just toss it on the street or pay it to someone to punch you in the face? Maybe that will teach you some sense at least. People like that shouldn't even be allowed to have access to money. I just can't trust anyone who spends money on things "just to see how stupid they are." That's how WWIII is gonna start somehow, you watch. These are the same people who see a movie like There Will Be Blood and say it's boring or see Cloverfield and say "that looks so stupid! Oh my god Meet the Spartans referenced Deal or No Deal! I know what that show is! They are SO FUCKING CLEVER I CAN'T STAND IT!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!".

It just depresses me that we live in a world where in 3 days Meet the Spartans can make more money than fucking Shoot 'Em Up (trust me I'm saving that for a different rant about action movies that will be coming soon).

I think that about does it for my rant. Though I'm sure things won't improve when I actually sit down and watch the movie. Now before I finish up here, I'm aware that some people who enjoyed it don't fit into these categories and are even friends of mine. I still love you guys but if you don't start making better decisions soon, I'm going to have no choice but to steal your dogs.

damnit i always mess up you'll have to highlight it to read it... sorry!

Jenny's 27 Dresses and Cloverfield reviews

Alrighty!! So, I've only seen two more movies that are 2008 material. I saw Juno though, too bad that's not part of the movie quest!!! That movie is so awesome!!! I also attempted to see bucketlist, but then I fell asleep because i had just finished 6 straight hours of class on 4 hours sleep, so basically it was an ok movie and funny for the 15 minutes total that I watched it. I'll write a real review of it when I actually DO see it. Ok so here goes for the two movies I did watch in their Entireties.

Movie Review #1: 27 Dresses

Ok. I must admit that I was actually really excited about this movie and I watched it one and a half times, the half being just to kill time. I watched it at first with one of my really good friends and she really wanted to see the movie as well, so basically our built up excitement resulted in numerous squeals and bursts of laughter during the movie, except of course for the already known moments revealed from commercials. Seriously, most people laugh harder at the moments in the movie that are shown and given away in previews than in any other part of the movie, what's up with that? It's like they laugh more because they are already acquainted with the joke and feel like they must own up to it's wit, even if it's not that great. Anyway, the movie's plot is rather simple. Girl likes boss, but can't have him. Girls sister comes to town and falls for boss, boss falls for sister, of course Girl is the one who introduced them. Girls sarcastic friend is really awesome, and the best part of the movie, and encourages girl to confront sister for being a giant liar about who she is. Oh and Girl has decided since she was eight that she wanted to help people plan their weddings. That's basically it. The only thing that complicates story is the presence of another man who is a journalist for the commitments section of the newspaper(weddings). Basically, he discovers that Jane (formerly referred to as Girl, but now that it's getting kind of old, will now be referred to by her real name.) has attended 27 weddings as a bridesmaid and decides to write a bashing article about how her life revolves around planning and how she doesn't have her own personality because she is so lost in other peoples lives. so the plot thickens... mildly. Ok, it has a super predictable ending. But who cares, I really enjoyed it, because the characters are all charmers to me. except of course the antagonist sister who is actually crazy annoying and the boss, who isn't even good looking or charming in the first place. why are they so hung up on him?? anyway. If I had written a review right after the first time I saw it, I may have been way more optimistic, but then in the 45 minutes that I watched it with Simon, he bashed it so badly that I guess my positive outlook on the movie diminished somewhat. My favorite people though were the main ones(which is kind of the point, but not always the case...) because I love Katherine Heigl's kind of awkwardness in certain situations and she's just endearing, i dunno I just enjoy her acting. But the best friend, i forget her name... is kind of a balance, because she doesn't give a shit about the weddings and is just there for the booz and the guys. So other than the annoying moments with the boss and the sister, and the first five minutes of the movie showing her helpfulness at her first wedding when she's eight(that was a terrible way to start the movie, and in fact I didn't see the first five minutes the first time i saw it cuz i was late and only saw it the second when i walked in with simon) I quite liked this movie. not a five star, not quite a four...

***.5/5 (that does indeed look awkward shawn, haha.)

Movie Review #2: Cloverfield

I expected this movie to be a little less amazing than Shawn was making it out to be and it was about what I felt when I came out of there. It kept my attention the whole time, except it was freaking stupid for them to go back for the dying could-be-girlfriend when they could have escaped the city at the beginning of the movie.

So the movie is all based on the fact that this one guy is filming another guys goodbye party because he's leaving for Japan the next day. At one point during the party there is a crazy disturbance and the building shakes and the lights go out, etc. Turns out there's a giant monster roaming the streets! So everyone starts to freak out and go into the streets to try to escape and there's a giant congestion on the bridge and while the main group of 5-6 people are trying to cross, the main guys cellphone rings and the girl who he was in a relationship with calls and she's stuck somewhere and needs him to rescue her, etc. SO! they all go back to save her. But then, of course all goes to hell and they go right back into the monster's reach. SO all this awesomeness ensues with they find themselves amongst explosions and small buglike monster things and then theres the presence of the actual monster itself on the screen for like 3 minutes, but it's crazyy anyway! And it turned out to be almost how I imagined it somehow! Anyway, it was awesome, it's all done on the home video so it's centered on the little groups point of view, so it's meant to be seen as if you'd been there yourself. some people apparenlty feel nauseous from this, but hey, I was totally fine, I loved it. So yeah hope you all go see it!

****/

Shawn's Untraceable and Rambo Reviews

Shawn again, with my next two reviews, bringing the total to 8. Jenny still has 0 :( But I hear rumours we'll be getting something from her soon. Anyway tonight the GF and I had our R rated gory movie double bill. So away we go...

2008 Movie # 9 - Untraceable

Before I get into the bulk of this review, please allow me to rant for a moment. There was a woman during this movie who for a good 10 minutes had her cell phone open and was sending text messages. The glow from the phone was very noticeable as we were watching this in a theatre that more closely resembled someone's nice basement than an actual movie theatre. Anyway finally the guy behind her politely asked her to shut off the phone and what happens? She gets pissed, tells him to mind his own business. Well since you're ruining the movie he paid to watch I'm pretty sure it is his business. It's too bad Rambo wasn't there, he would have set shit straight. But we'll get to that.

So I'd read a lot of terrible things going into this movie but I gotta say, it's really not that bad. Sure it feels like it should be a mid-nineties Ashley Judd or Sandra Bullock movie, but it's honestly a pretty decent movie. Yes it's a pretty standard by the numbers thriller but it kept me interested at least.

The plot centers around a web site that shows a live feed of someone being brutally tortured. The more people who log onto the site, the faster the person dies. Diane Lane doesn't like this and tries to stop the killer before he claims his next victim. (that my friends, is a back of the DVD sentence).

First thing I have to say is this movie was a lot more brutal than I expected. I knew the website showed people dying but I had no idea how insane some of those deaths would be. There are some highly cringe worthy moments in this thing. It's no Saw in terms of gore, but it's a lot more violent than I expected. Also, the opening scene instantly makes you not only want the killer dead, but to die in the slowest, most painful way possible. You'll see what I mean....unless you don't plan on seeing it. In which case drop me a line and I'll be glad to spoil it.

The acting is pretty good, with Diane Lane doing a good job as the lead and Colin Hanks is quite likeable as her partner. Some of the dialogue is a little on the cheesy side, with one line in particular coming to mind ("I may be good at many things....but I'm not good at losing people. I'm BAD, at losing people"). There's a bit of computer techie talk but not too much that it's distracting or boring.

I was a little disappointed with how they handle the killer at times. Their reveal is a little anti climatic and happens way too early. Although the way they figure it all out is kind of cool. The character of the killer is a tad on the "get the fuck out of here" side however. This guy (or girl) can do things with a computer that I'm pretty sure are way out of the hands of everyone except God himself and perhaps also Penny from Inspector Gadget. Oh and Nicholas Cage.

In the end, it's a decent, fairly by the book thriller that doesn't bore and has a decent storyline. It tries to have a message as well, that actually kind of works on some levels.

***/5

2008 Movie # 10 - Rambo

Ahhhh Rambo. You all know I was pretty excited about this one. I've only ever seen First Blood but I purchased the Rambo DVD set tonight so I'll be watching the other ones very shortly. Now I didn't have high expectations for this one in that I thought it would be a great film. No I had high expectations for this one in that I thought Rambo was gonna get in there and fuck shit up. And fuck shit up he did.

As with Untraceable, I was kind of surprised by the violence in this movie. Don't get me wrong of course I expected it to be violent, but this is a much more brutal violence than I anticipated. It shows the Burmese soldiers doing all sorts of terrible things such as shooting children and raping women. It's not until the last 20 minutes or so that we get the really over the top, borderline cartoonish violence. It's a little strange to go from violence that is supposed to shock us, to violence that is intended to make us cheer.

But maybe I'm just looking into it too much. Rambo is what it is. It's a fairly simple story with Rambo and a team of mercernaries trying to save a group of missionary workers who have been taken captive by Burmese soldiers. In the process Rambo kills a lot of people. That's really all there is story wise but at just over 80 minutes in length, the movie really doesn't need much more than that. And as mentioned above, those last 10-20 minutes are just balls out fucking crazy. You would need the killer from Untraceable just to count how many people Rambo kills during this period of the movie.

I've always had a soft spot for Stallone and he does a good job here, taking on the role of not only the star but the director and co-writer as well. He portrays Rambo as someone who doesn't want to be killing all these people, but it's basically in his blood. He also gets a couple of really badass moments that I won't ruin here.

Overall, Rambo is definitely entertaining. It's an odd movie in terms of shocking violence mixed in with ridiculous, people getting torn apart by bullets violence, but it's overall a good time and the DVD will one day be owned by me.

***.5 /5 (damn that looks awkward, but so does ***1/2 /5)

So just about done with January movies. My Bucket List review should be up tomorrow, with 27 Dresses coming the next day. That only leaves Meet the Spartans (god help me). Then I'll do the month in review round-up and start on the ole' February predictions. This is only the beginning.

Shawn's Veggie Tales Review

2008 Movie #8 - Veggie Tales: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

You know, I've been thinking about it and I really don't think I have anything to say about this movie. I still hate the title with a passion, but I didn't hate the movie nearly as much as I thought I would. Granted I certainly didn't enjoy the movie, it was just kind of there. Obviously I'm not in the target market for this movie but I think it's a decent enough kids movie at least. It's not stupidly overly energetic like a shitload of kids shows today and actually seems to think kids are patient enough to sit and watch a movie with a story and characters and not just a bunch of hyperactive bullshit for 80 minutes. I can't see adults being too into it but at least the movie seems to occasionally try and throw something their way. It's a movie that you can't really hate, and at the same time can't say "oh it was really good." So I'm just going to give it an average score since you can certainly do a lot worse out there for kids movies. Other than that, I really have nothing to say about this one. Certainly not the worst movie of the month, but one that I'll probably forget I even watched as soon as next week.

Looks like tomorrow night there will be an Untraceable/Rambo double bill so that should make for some much more exciting review reading.

**/5

Shawn's Mad Money Review

2008 Movie #7 - Mad Money

You know, I really don't have anything much to say about this movie. I went into it thinking it would be terrible and sure enough, it ended up being terrible. It's not funny, the characters are one dimensional, boring and often times irritating, the plot isn't interesting in the slightest (which is not a good thing for what is supposed to be kind of a caper movie), and it just kind of plods along until the end, boring the shit out of you the entire time. Even with the other reviews for movies I didn't like I managed to write a decent chunk of text about them, but for this one I really don't think I can. I guess it ties into my theory that my reviews are going to get shorter and shorter as time goes on. Well I have to write something, so here's 10 other things you could spend 10 dollars on that would be a better investment than a ticket for this movie.

1. Get your 10 dollars made into very small change, put it all in a kiddy pool and then roll around in it
2. Download Bubble Bobble on the Wii...if you don't own a Wii, pay someone 10 bucks to steal you one
3. Buy the Rambo 3 DVD and watch shit get fucked
4. Purchase an exacto knife and jam it into your eye
5. Buy a ticket for Cloverfield, even if you don't want to watch it, it deserves your money way more than this recycled piece of shit
6. Buy 10 dollars worth of Reeses Pieces cuz god damn them shits is good
7. Get a lock and use it to lock yourself in your house forever since if you want to go out and pay money to watch this movie, you should be sealed away from the rest of society
8. Buy 10 dollars worth of scratch tickets. Use any money won to make a better movie than Mad Money. Trust me it won't be hard.
9. Give it to charity....nope, no joke here.
10. Buy an old Fresh Prince CD and realize just how far Will Smith has come...or better yet buy a Will Smith CD and realize why he probably stopped releasing CDs

There, 10 things you could spend your money on that would be a far better decision than seeing this movie. Is it the worse movie I've seen so far in 2008? Yes I think so. Sure In the Name of the King was terrible but at least I could make fun of it in parts. This one is just tragic. It is a fucking tragedy.

0/5


In Addition : Since this is a movie blog I would just like to take a brief moment to pay my respects to the late Heath Ledger. He was a great actor and it's terrible that he is gone at such a young age. He had a bright future ahead of him and his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight looked like it was going to really do great things for him. He was one of the best young actors out there and it's crushing to know that this is how it's ended.

Shawn's First Sunday and Cloverfield reviews

Shawn once again. Today is a big day for reviews. This is good though because I was already starting to fall way behind on my 2008 movie watching. After the earlier King review, I now present another one. After how that last one ended I'm sure the subject of this next review won't come as any surprise. That's right everyone, my long awaited, and yours too I'm sure, review of....


2008 Movie #5 - First Sunday

FUCK YEAH! ...wait a second what? That's right, the next review is for First Sunday. Don't worry (you're not I know), the review mentioned earlier will still be coming. I just want to save that one for after I'm done dealing with this one first.

So as mentioned in my previews for the January movies, I obviously don't think too highly of a lot of Ice Cube's film decisions. In fact, I feel the Are We...? movies, are two of the worst things to ever hit the screen in the last ever. I to this day believe that Are We Done Yet? was some sort of bet between two studio execs that one of them could fund a sequel to Are We There Yet and not only turn a profit, but at the same time make an even worse movie. Whoever was on the losing side of that bet must be depressed now, for several reasons.

With those feelings I didn't have a whole lot of hope for First Sunday (considering the movie's plot that may be a pun, I'm not entirely sure). Now comedies are probably the hardest genre of movies to review, and it's probably going to prove more and more frustrating for me to do as the year continues. It really comes down to whether it was funny or not. Nothing else usually matters. However in certain cases, there are comedies that may not be all that funny, but for some reason still manage to keep your interest and in the end you wind up not hating the movie, but not particularly liking it either. This is the section where you will find First Sunday, a comedy that actually turns out to be more of a drama than I expected.

The plot centers around Ice Cube and Tracey Morgan, who are both in desperate need of some quick money. Through a series of events that I'm really not in the mood to detail (hating plot summaries remember kids?) they decide one night to break into a local church to steal their donation money. One thing leads to another and soon enough they got themselves a hostage situation.

That's pretty much it plotwise. No real good laughs, and some unexpected sentimental stuff as the movie goes on. I'll admit I smiled at a couple of Tracey Morgan's lines but really, I've been a fan of his ever since his days on Saturday Night Live. Ice Cube on the other hand, every role he plays can barely be distinguished from each other now. He acts the exact same way in every single movie he's in. For some reason in my mind the man used to make decent movies but no matter how hard I think I can only remember Three Kings as a good one. I swear there were other ones but I could be very wrong.

As stated above, comedies are very hard to review, especially bland ones like this. I can't recommend it, but I can't say to avoid it either, like I have with my previous two reviews. I pretty much have nothing more to say about this one. Moving on to....

**/5

2008 Movie #6 - Cloverfield

It's no secret that I have been psyched about this movie forever, since way back when that first trailer hit before Transformers. I'm a huge fan of Lost so seeing J.J Abrahm's name certainly didn't hurt my excitement. I'll admit I was one of the many people obsessively checking websites and taking full part in the viral marketing. I couldn't wait for this movie. I've been doing everything in my power to make it to the first viewing knowing as little as possible, since spoilers have been on the internet for days now. It was very exciting when the lights went down and I knew that finally after like 8 months, I was about to watch Cloverfield.

...and what a piece of shit!! I can't believe it!! I mean what a waste! Nah just fuckin' with ya. It's incredible! I'm so happy that after all this time it not only wasn't disappointing, but completely lived up to all of my ridiculous expectations. This was an experience that has to be done theatrically. If you're thinking of waiting for the DVD, don't. See this beast in a theatre, it's the only way to do it right. Anyone who doesn't see this movie in theatres is a racist, there I said it.

I pretty much refuse to give away anything about this movie. It's best to go into knowing as little as possible. You all know exactly what you need to know. A monster attacks New York and the whole thing is caught on a video camera by the people who are caught up in the middle of it all. Of course there's a lot more to it than that and I think many people may be surprised/disappointed to learn that the human characters are the central focus of this story, not the creature. These are actually people you care about though, unlike almost every other horror movie in the world ever.

A lot of people are saying the whole hand held camera thing is too gimmicky and too Blair Witchy. At first I kind of thought so too but trust me it works. It really makes you feel like you're a part of everything and it really adds to the fear and tension of the whole situation. You start to imagine what it would be like if you were there in the midst of all this shit and it's quite something. Some others say the shaky camera gives them motion sickness. To them I simply say man up...pussy.

I mentioned fear and tension earlier and let me just say, this movie is indeed scary. It has a good mix of those sudden jump scares (almost all of which work well in this movie) and a lot of edge of your seat moments. In fact once the carnage starts almost the entire thing is an edge of your seat moment. It's a 90 minute ass raping of fear! (I want that quote on that poster)

As for the monster itself, I won't say anything about what it is but I will say that yes you do see it and yes it is badass. You don't want this motherfucker anywhere near your city because he is going to fuck all that shit up. The movie picks all the best moments to show you the monster and even when you're just seeing little pieces at a time, it works perfectly.

In short, I will definitely be seeing this movie at the very least one more time before it leaves my theatre. If this thing doesn't make at least 180 million dollars this weekend, I will eat a live duck.

*****/5

Shawn's In the Name of the King review

Well it's been a really long time since one of us has done a review for an actual official 2008 movie. At least for me it's been a while, Jenny hasn't done a review in ever. IN EVER! I really wish I was returning to the official reviewing world with a better movie, but alas that's not always how the world works.

2008 Review # 4 - In the Name of the King

Anyone who knows who Uwe Boll is essentially has no reason to even read this review. They know the movie is not worth seeing, and that it's sheer existence is nothing short of a miracle. Now I'll admit I got some sort of bizarre kick out of House of the Dead. There's something about a movie that not only splices in random videogame footage, but videogame footage that doesn't even match the location of the scene. Alone in the Dark had a couple so stupid they're funny moments but for the most part was just a really bad movie. Bloodrayne on the other hand was just boring. Needless to say I didn't even bother with the sequel. That brings us to the next movie in this baffling chain, In the Name of the King.

Watching a Uwe Boll movie is sort of like watching a certain performance in your high school talent show. We all remember that one performer/performance who was out there completely embarassing themselves in front of the whole school. At first people would laugh at how ridiculous it is. However after a little bit of time, the laughter stops. It starts to become more and more uncomfortable, watching this person thinking they're doing such a great job crashing and burning in front of everyone. You feel bad for them in a way and just want it all to end for both their, and your own benefit. Then that same person proceeds to come back the next year and do it again. Then again the year after that. And so on it goes. After doing this same performance every year you stop feeling bad for them because by this point, they deserve all the shit coming their way for simply not learning. That's where we are by this movie.

The plot centers around....oh who am I kidding it doesn't matter.

There's pretty much nothing redeemable about this movie, save for the usual scattered moments that are just so fucking stupid you have to laugh. Let's start with the main bad guys of the movie, the Krugs. Anytime the heroes were fighting these things I kept waiting for one of them to yell "Ok guys, IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!" One glimpse of these things and you'll know exactly what I mean.

Now the acting. Jason Statham deserves better than this...and War.....and London....and Revolver. Really Jason Statham gets shafted a lot. The man was in Crank and the Transporter though so in my book he gets at least two more shitty movies before I start to question my allegiance. I remember reading an interview with Ron Perlmen from when he was filming this movie and openly refered to it as a "piece of shit." That automatically gets him off the hook right there.

Remember when Ray Liotta made good movies? Better yet remember when Ray Liotta well....acted? I don't know when he decided "fuck this" and started doing this over the top, grade 9 drama schtick but my god. How could anyone during production of this movie not have taken him aside and just said "Ray, quick performance note, try doing it less like a fucking douchebag and maybe more like an actor *slap*". Matthew Lillard, I don't know if he ever really counted as an actor even before so whatever. His performance sucking isn't much of a surprise. Although he was Shaggy, which gets him some credit.

So we've established the plot is useless, the acting terrible, the special effects piss poor...let's never forget the writing and the directing. The directing we basically covered simply by saying the director's name. He spends the full two hours copying every other epic movie ever filmed, mostly Lord of the Rings.

As for the writing, some of it is simply mind boggling in how anyone could write these lines, look back at it and go "oh my good god yes this is genius!" But the fact is, someone looked at this script and then threw 70 million fucking dollars at it. If that person isn't being peed on right now there is no justice in this world.

In conclusion, fuck this movie. Cloverfield in 4 hours!

0/5

Bonus Review #2

Shawn again. Since a lot of official movies haven't been seen (working on it don't you worry) here's another bonus review. This weekend is definitely going to be catch up time, with Cloverfield being seen on Friday night and then hopefully 27 Dresses the next day. In the meantime, here is another review. If you've been paying close attention then this shouldn't be a surprise. But since I'm sure nobody has been.....SURPRISE!

2008 Movie #3 - White Noise: The Light

That's right. Mentioned in my Boogeyman review was this one. Another straight to DVD sequel that I'm sure not a single person was asking for. I'll admit that I didn't hate the first White Noise. I didn't like it but I pretty much support anything that Michael Keaton does so that right there gives me a soft spot for it. Since the first one isn't a classic, I didn't expect much from this one. However, as with Boogeyman 2, this one is better than the first one. Although, unlike Boogeyman, it's not better as in one piece of shit is slightly better than another piece of shit, but White Noise: The Light is in fact, a good movie. It even borders on being a very good movie.

The plot has literally nothing to do with the first movie which is good because it always feels very forced when these DTD movies try to connect back to the originals. This one follows Nathan Fillion (very underrated actor) as a man who is dining with his wife and child (on his anniversary no less) when a man walks in, shoots the wife and child, and then himself. Unable to go on without them, Fillion tries to kill himself. He sees a white light with his wife and child at the end (I'll admit this whole sequence is actually really really stupid) but OH, what do you know the doctors bring him back from death. It's then he starts to see and hear weird shit.

That's about all I knew going into it so I'm going to stop right there. The fun of the movie is not knowing what the fuck is going to happen next. The story actually is pretty interested and pays everything off nicely in the end.

The acting is pretty good across the board. As stated earlier I feel Fillion is a very underrated actor (if you haven't seen Firefly, Serenity and Slither, I fucking hate you) who does a very good job in the role here. Also doing well is...I forget the actor's name but she plays Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica. She's so adorable in this movie it sometimes hurts to watch.

The movie is more of a thriller than a straight up horror movie but it does have a few of those "OH MY GOD A SUDDEN LOUD NOISE!" scares that work better than many actual horror movies. Most of them are actual ghosts or something appearing, not like in say One Missed Call where the jump scare comes from one of the other characters walking in from off screen. What the fuck is up with those scares anyway? In real life you would have seen that person coming a long time beforehand. Just because they're offscreen doesn't mean the character shouldn't be able to see them. Sure sometimes they appear behind the person but oftentimes they just walk casually in beside them and it still scares the shit out of them. Anyway, rant over.

So in conclusion, this movie is actually kind of worth checking out. It's a decent way to kill 90 minutes and trust me, you can do a hell of a lot worse.

***/5

Shawn's One Missed Call Review

Shawn here. Well this is the moment you've all been eagerly anticipating, the first official review of a 2008 movie.

2008 Movie # 2 - One Missed Call

It's the first movie of 2008 and it's certainly not the best way to kick off the year or this quest as a whole. It wasn't an absolutely awful movie, but it was definitely a bad movie. I thought we were done with this whole remaking of japanese horror movies. I mean the Ring was good but has there been one good one since? Let's look at the list: The Ring 2, The Grudge, The Grudge 2, Dark Water, Pulse. I'm sure I'm missing quite a few in there too. I'll admit I have a slight soft spot for the first Grudge but the rest of those movies are simply bad. We still have the remake of the Eye to look forward to as well. One Missed Call can safely be added to the list of bad remakes. In fact I read that the director didn't watch the original movie and made sure the cast didn't as well. So what the fuck? Why remake something if you're not even familiar with the original source material?

So the plot is basically about a group of people who get a phone call from a dead person. They don't pick up but the dead person is thankfully polite enough to leave a message. When the message is played, that person hears his or her own death, as well as the exact date and time when it will happen. Now the main girl has to team up with a cop to find out what exactly is going on before her predicted death time rolls around.

The first thing I have to mention is the utter stupidity of the main characters. Granted it's a horror movie so that should be expected but I can almost always look past that. Here it was pissing me off to no end. To begin with, the first rational thought that should come to anyones mind in this situation is either don't listen to the message, or get rid of your phone all together. Eventually they do think of this but it comes way too late. I'll admit if you looked at your phone and saw that it was your dead friend calling you would be pretty damn tempted to answer just to see what the hell. But if you already knew that picking up the phone meant you would hear your death, you should probably just stay the hell away from it.

Let's get hypothetical for a second. Let's say you picked up the phone and you heard yourself on the other end saying "Yea well I figure I would just step out for a burger, maybe grab something to eat and then I was thinking...OH MY GOD!!" and then you're dead. Thats the kind of thing that sticks in your mind. So if a couple days later you found yourself saying those exact words you'd think around mid-sentence you would remember those are your pre-death words and be on your guard. That doesn't happen here. It never even occurs to people that they are saying the exact words they say in the death message at the exact same time the phone predicted they would die. It's not like they're unaware of the time. Every character looks at a clock right before their death. So what the fuck? I mean they're just making it easy.

The actors portraying these characters certainly didn't make it any better. Everyone looks completely bored and you can almost see some sadness in their eyes that this is the best material being offered to them. In fact, the two lead actors ,Ed Burns and Shannyn Sossamon, have each starred in a movie that I would consider one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Those would be Sound of Thunder for Burns and Undiscovered for Sossamon. At least One Missed Call is a very, very small step up in terms of quality. If this keeps up, by 2016 we should see a 6/10 quality film by them.

The only thing that kept me at least kind of interested in what was going on was the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, they would be able to provide a decent explanation as to why this is happening. They did not. It's a pretty generic answer with a few unneeded twists thrown in there just to play it safe. It sort of feels like they had the premise, loved it, but then late in the process realized they needed at least some sort of story to tie it all together. It feels very thrown together and reminds me of about 18 other movies.

That's kind of the problem with the movie. The whole thing has a familiar, boring feel to it. It offers nothing new, just kind of going through the motions until it's over. It never tries anything different or exciting and overall its existence just feels completely unneccessary. At least it does offer a few laughably bad moments, such as when a TV preacher attempts to exercise a cell phone. Overall, after the Eye let's hope it's the end of the japanese horror movies. Welcome to 2008, movies can really only go up from here...as long as you ignore In the Name of the King, First Sunday, Veggie Tales and Meet the Spartans. God I can't wait until February...

*/5

one more quick update...

apparently Be Kind Rewind is now coming out February 22nd, making our January release schedule now very very wrong. In the end it should look as follows...


January 4th 2008
One Missed Call

January 11th 2008
First Sunday
Veggie Tales
In the name of the King


January 18th 2008
27 Dresses
Mad Money
Cloverfield

January 25th
Meet the Spartans
Untraceable
Rambo

Ladies and Gentlemen January somehow just got a whole lot shittier.

A Bonus Review! plus some general clean up

Bonjour, c'est Shawn. So I didn't end up seeing One Missed Call I'm afraid so the first official review is yet to come. Hopefully on Thursday though that one will be taken care of.

Also it has been brought to my attention that the January releases are missing a few entries. The website I was using as a reference failed to mention these so I'm going to add them in here and give my thoughts on them. Jenny you can do the same afterwards.

Meet the Spartans - January 25th
Seeing as how Date Movie and Epic Movie are two of not only the worst comedies ever, but two of the worst movies ever, this one doesn't stand much of a chance. The writers/directors of these movies seem to be doing everything in their power to create the most unfunny movies ever. I don't even care if I offend anyone but if you think either of those movies are hilarious you should be banned from movie theatres forever and maybe, MAYBE, eaten. This movie will be terrible and may in fact take over as the movie I think will be the worst this month.

Mad Money - January 18th
I don't even know what the fuck this is.

Bucket List - January 11th
Honestly this one has some potential. Got two really got actors in the lead and a decent plot that may run the risk of becoming way too sentimental. This one could really go either way but I'm going to hope for the best.

So in the future I'll have to find a better release date reference so that this debacle will never happen again.



Anyway, in the meantime, i'm going to offer the first of what I'm sure will be many bonus reviews done over the next 300 and whatever days. These will be reviews for movies that aren't part of the major releases, but are going to be reviewed regardless. Usually they will be straight to DVD releases, such as this first one here. So I proudly present the first bonus review of the 2008 Movie Quest.



2008 Movie # 1 - Boogeyman 2

You read that correctly. Someone out there actually watched the first Boogeyman and decided to themselves "ok there is a lot more story to be told here." Anyone who has seen the first Boogeyman knows that certainly isn't true seeing as it was an awful, awful movie. I to this very day have no idea why I own the DVD. I don't remember buying it or acquiring it in anyway but there it sits.

Anyway that's beside the point. The point is that this movie is undeniable proof that you can make a direct to DVD sequel to any movie. So far the wonderful world of direct to DVD sequels have provided us with such neccessary movies as: Road House 2: Last Call, Single White Female 2 : The Obsession, Glass House 2: The Good Mother, Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, White Noise 2: The Light (review coming soon I'm sure, yay! something to look forward to), and of course the brillaint trifecta of Bring it On Again, Bring it On: All or Nothing, and Bring it On In It to Win It. That's not even mentioning the slew of direct to DVD crap Disney has been releasing in some sort of bizarre goal to tarnish the reputations of all of their classic films. It used to be just horror movies that got all these kinds of sequels but now the possibilites seem just about endless. There is a career for just about anyway in the world of direct to DVD sequels. All you apparently need to do is rehash the first movies plot with new actors. Oh and make sure to have a subtitle. It seems to be very important with these things.

Anyway, now that ive typed several hundred words without even mentioning the movie that I'm supposed to be reviewing let's move on. You're all going to come to learn over the next year that I hate writing plot summaries for movies in reviews and by March I bet I stop even trying all together. Since this is my first one I'll give it a shot. The movie follows a brother and sister who at a young age see their parents murdered by the "boogeyman" (who looks almost exactly like a member of Slipknot, which certainly does not help make the movie scarier). Now granted in the beginning I was distracted by making apple turnovers (fuckin' right) so I may have missed out on some key details but as far as I can tell, the brother goes to a mental hospital because of this, then gets out as a adult. Then his sister immediatly goes into the same mental hospital right afterwards. Either way, the sister is a mental hospital. Soon enough people start to be killed by their worst fears, sister claims it's the boogeyman, nobody believes, blah blah blah you know how this all goes.

First off, the boogeyman franchise (if you can even call it that) seems to have two rules when it comes to casting: get someone who used to be on 7th Heaven and someone else who used to be on Xena. Also if every single male actor can look the exact same than even better.

So the movie certainly isn't good, but at least I was never bored like I was during the first one. If my memory serves me correctly, the first Boogeyman was 80 minutes of a guy looking a closet door until finally at the end a CGI bald man came out and tried to scare us. This one at least does a few things right. First of all, it's violent as all hell. Nothing left to the imagination in this beast. Some of the deaths are actually quite gruesome and memorable to boot.

Hmm, maybe thats the only thing it did right. The fact that the boogeyman is essentially just some dude in a mask really makes it pretty generic. Also this one tries to half assedly (oh it's a word now) connect itself to the first movie which they really didn't even have to do. I'm already depressed enough that I'm watching the sequel to a movie the entire world hate, you don't have to remind me.

So in conclusion, when it comes to fairly generic, violent slasher movies, you could honestly do worse than this one. It ain't bad, but it certainly ain't good.

**/5

Wow, I didn't read any of your predictions before writing out my own, in order to keep myself from being influenced by your opinion, and I feel sorry for anyone reading mine, haha, Shawn you are such a witty man. I get my points through, but with less humour, as I predicted hehe. Thank god there are people like you in advertising, maybe commercials will stop sucking so much.
-Jenny

Jenny's Intro and prediction's!

Hola todos!
Sorry I'm super lame-sauce and didn't post earlier! I actually tried two days ago and realized I just didn't know where to sign in so yeah, I had to learn how to first... But all is good now, I obviously have learned the ways of a blogger. So what the hell Shawn? Why so impatient? hehe. So yeah! I'm super excited about this challenge of ours, I'm really going to stick to this movie commitment thing! yeah yeah! I think it might actually be more challenging for me to stay awake in the damn movies than to make it to them, hehe. So here go the movie predictions and my first review of the year!

To start off 2008, I went to see a movie titled "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" at the Bytowne cinema. It was actually released in 2007, so it doesn't count in anyway towards this movie quest dealio, but I liked it enough to post about it. It's pretty sad, my mom kept having to wipe her eyes through almost the entire movie. I had just finished watching Big Daddy prior to watching this, and the opposite effect of these two movies (seriously being a wacked out combo) seemed to prevent me from being able to shed a tear, haha. The movie is about a man who was some big shot guy, editor of Elle magazine in Paris (this is a french movie with english subtitles) and he gets a stroke resulting in his whole body being paralyzed, except for his one eye. His other eye had to be sewn shut for some reason... anyway, he writes his autobiography, with the help of his physiotherapist, one letter at a time. His only means of communicating is by blinking, so they develop this system with letters and blinks for yes and no, etc. So the movie goes through his life as he tells it to his physio and we see how it horribly difficult it is to live in a body that is his own prison. The development of relationships between himself and his family and friends is also one of the main issues. It's based on a true story. It won an award at the Cannes films festival and I thought it was pretty mindblowing, so thumbs up on this one!

As for the movies released in January, these are my predictions after watching their previews.

One Missed Call is based on a Japanese movie, and I tend to be entertained by their ridiculous horror/thrillers that they come out with. This looks kind of like it's along the same lines as Ringu or the Ring, so I expect I'll be entertained but not too scared. Maybe there'll be an occasional jump of suspense, hopefully it'll be waaayy better than Dead Silence, which has got to be one of the worst horror/suspense movies ever, but my level of expectancy isn't too high.

In the Name of the King looks like it's just a bunch of "epic" battles and music thrown together with Medieval way of speaking to try to lure in all the Lord of the Rings and Beowolf fans, only to dissapoint. I enjoyed LOTR veyr much, not Beowolf though, and I'm really not looking forward to seeing this movie. Of course, this is probably the one we're going to end up watching together Shawn, so at least we can poke fun at it, hehe.

Veggie Tales just makes me want to hurt myself. Honestly. Why would they have crappily animated vegetables have "adventures" that look lame enough to bore a six year old. I cringe at the thought of sitting in a theatre watching what looks like it's going to be 2 hours of torture, the voices of the veggies are sooo annoying! They remind of the crap cartoons my friend's little siblings watch day in and out and are literally consumed by their poor humour and lack of imagination. I'll be very surprised if I end up enjoying this movie.

Oh dear God, First Sunday looks fucking terrible. The Are we There Yet? couple of movies were crap and the most I expect out of this one will be a couple of funny puns maybe jokes but that's about it. I'm not sure if I feel more sorry for someone who is willingly seeing this movie for having such bad taste, or for someone being dragged into it for having to waste their time despite their better judgment.

I don't know what to think of Fanboys. It looks... eccentric? I suppose hardcore Star Wars fans are just easy to make fun of and they decided to make a movie of it... we'll have to see!

Cloverfield. After having Shawn claim that this movie will most definitely kick his ass repeatedly ever since we first heard about it months ago, you just can't believe that it's not awesome. If this movie ends up being crap after all the built up anticipation, I think Shawn might actually cry.

SO. For 27 Dresses, I'm going to be a complete Girly-girl and admit that I actually really want to see this movie. After seeing Katherine Heigl in Knocked up and watching following Grey's Anatomy religiously for two seasons, I can't not want to see it right? Besides we need a bit of a chick-flick to break up all this horror and or crappy movie streak that seems to be developing in January.

ok, almost done!

To be honest I haven't seen any other Rambo movie, so I don't know if I'll like this one. It seems like it's the most manly movie you can possibly watch, so maybe I'll wait to see 27 dresses and watch these two movies back to back, haha.

Untraceable looks like one of those movies that has potential but if it's not twisted enough, it won't be satisfying at all to watch. It's an all or nothing type of deal and I think I'll be pleased or disappointed depending on the outcome of the plot.

I have been wanting to see Be Kind Rewind ever since I saw the poster in the lobby at the theatre. It looks mindblowingly funny and I expect nothing less than that from Jack Black. The storyline is fucking fantastic.

SO the movie that looks most promising to me: Be Kind Rewind
Least promising: the pirate veggies

whew. ok i'm suuuuper tired, and that was a crazy long post. I'm pretty sure I destroyed you with the length of this post Shawn, mouahaha. Also, I think Teeth comes out in January, as well as Mad Money, are those not counting for major movies?

January Releases/Shawn's Predictions

Shawn again. Since Jenny still hasn't blogged (what the hell Jenny? what the hell?) I'm going to go ahead and post what's in store for us in January and how I think the month might go down. I'm sure Jenny's thoughts will soon follow....right Jenny? So here's what we got for the first month of our adventure.

January aka The Month Where Studios Dump Their Shitty Movies In Hopes of Maybe Making a Quick Buck

4th
One Missed Call

11th
In the Name of the King : A Dungeon Siege Tale
Veggie Tales: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
First Sunday

18th
Fanboys
Cloverfield
27 Dresses

25th
Rambo
Untraceable
Be Kind Rewind


So here are my predictions on how I think this month will go. To begin with, we have One Missed Call, which I should be seeing on Tuesday. I don't expect much from it, as long as I'm not bored or angry then I'm sure it will get at least a passing grade. From what I'm hearing though, my chances of that might be very slim.

Then we get to the 11th. What a pile of shit we have on the 11th. Not one good one in the bunch. Not even that, not even a tolerable one in the bunch. First off, Veggie Tales, what the fuck is with your name? "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" I don't even know what else to say about it other than what the hell? They must have been seconds away from releasing the advertising for this movie and realized "Shit we don't have a title" and come up with this gem of a name in 6 seconds.

"Hey Ice Cube we have a new comedy script you should look at?"
"Is it funny?"
"Oh good god no"
"Would you say it's painfully unfunny?"
"Yes I would"
"I'll do it!"
As far as I can tell thats the conversation that takes place between Ice Cube and his agent before pretty much every movie he makes. That is also my summary of my thoughts on First Sunday.

As for In the Name of the King, all I need to know is that Uwe Boll is behind it to know it will be bad. Not even "it's so bad it's good" bad, but "it's so bad I would rather be on fire than watching this" bad. I hear it's really long too. Goody.

Now the 18th is when shit gets good. I have been obsessing over Cloverfield for months and months now and can't wait to see it. I will be there opening night to have this movie grab me and relentlessly kick my ass.

Don't have much to say about the other two. Maybe they'll be good, maybe they'll suck. I say they will both be movies that are watchable and that you forget mere seconds after leaving the theatre.

Finally, the 25th could go either way. I won't lie I am pumped as shit for Rambo. I can't wait to see a guy older than my dad kick the shit out of thousands of soldiers. But really he made the new Rocky good, so why not this? Possibly because the other Rambos weren't even that good, but who cares, I'll still be there giddy as hell to watch this one.

Untraceable looks like someone just took a script template full of fill in the blank sections and went from there. Generic looking but it still has some potential. Cool poster though...that we aren't even hanging up in our theatre. What the hell?!

Finally, Be Kind Rewind. The fact it's coming out in January kind of freaks me out but hopefully this one doesn't suck. The trailer is funny as hell. But god help me if this movie turns out to be a disappoint I'm going to set 4 of my co-workers on fire. And then after dousing the flames off them, make them watch Dungeon Siege so they realize "wow I was happier when I was on fire."

So that about sums it all up. That was longer than I expected it to be. Good luck matching that one for sheer length Jenny.

In conclusion, my picks for January are...

Best Movie - Cloverfield
Worst Movie - God this one is tough, either In the Name of King or Veggie Tales

In the beginning...

Hey all, Shawn here. Nobody is reading this right now but I guarantee a few weeks from now we're going to have at least four times the amount of readers...which would actually still be zero. Well shit. Anyway, this is the blog where you and your loved ones can keep track of Jenny and I and our quest to see every single movie that comes out in the year 2008. To begin, let's give a brief backstory on how this endeavor began.

"Hey we should see every movie that comes in 2008!"
"I agree!"

And that pretty much brings us up to speed. So the rules are that any movie playing on over 1,000 screens has to be watched, no matter how undeniably terrible it may in fact look. The movie should be viewed in theatres, but if this proves to be impossible than it's ok to watch the dvd or if needed, view the movie through other illegal means.

So here we are on January 5th, 360 days to go in this thing. Right now I'm personally pretty excited but we'll see how excited I remain after 5-10 horribly shitty movies. To kick things off, one of us will post the releases for this first month so you know what we're in for. We'll then make our predictions of how the month will go and from there, review the movies as we go along. Then at the end of the month we'll see how accurate our predictions were.

So friends, family, lovers, and those with nothing better to do, sit back and enjoy....Shawn and Jenny's 2008 Movie Quest.