2008 Movie #51 - The Bank Job
Well it's finally time to start catching up on the backlog of reviews. I only have a couple more to watch from the past couple of months and as planned, I have to be caught up by the time the summer movies start to roll out.
I actually started to watch this one before it even came out in theatres but only got through about the first 10 minutes of it before I turned it off for whatever reasons. Well almost a month and a half later I finally went back to it and I really have no idea why I waited this long to watch it because it definitely ranks as one of the pleasant surprises of this year so far.
In terms of plot it's a pretty run of the mill caper movie, but it's a really well done caper movie. It's always entertaining and engaging which is pretty much what one looks for in a heist movie. It's nowhere up there with ones like Heat and Ocean's 11, but it's better than ones such as Heist, Thomas Crown Affair (I barely even remember if this one was a heist movie) and definitely better than Ocean's 12....and just the round out the trilogy, i would say it's probably on part with the third Ocean's movie.
It's nice to see Jason Statham in a good movie finally. After all of the crap he's been stuck in lately he was due for something like this. He's a good actor, he's good in this movie and hopefully this trend continues for him...and with Crank 2 and apparently also Transporter 3 on the way, I'm pretty excited about what the man has coming up.
The rest of the cast also does well, although Statham was really the only actor I recognized. Well him and the girl from Deep Blue Sea, at least I think that was her. She also does a good job, well they all do we'll just leave it at that.
There is a lot going on in this movie with a whole lot of different sub-plots and threads running throughout the whole movie. A lot of credit has to be given to this movie because it never feels like too much. Each story, character, etc is focused on with an even amount of attention so that one element isn't put in the forefront while another one goes completely ignored. It's always key that a movie such as this remains easy enough to follow and give this one credit that it never loses the audience even though so there's a ridiculous amount of shit going on in this movie.
I definitely have to recommend this movie and again, I'm kind of upset that I waited this long to sit down and watch it. It's weird how much crap I chose to watch over this one. Oh well, live and learn I guess.
*** 1/2 /5
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Shawn's Forgetting Sarah Marshall Review
2008 Movie #50 - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
50 fucking 2008 movies, that's pretty insane. It's weird to look back at when I started this thing and how far I've come. I'm actually pretty amazed I've managed to stay with it, for the most part anyway. I may not be as punctual as I was way back in January but I plan to be completely caught up by the end of this month.
Anyone who has been keeping track of those first 50 reviews knows that at least 40 of those movies got bad/mediocre reviews. It wasn't until pretty recently that things started to look up, with the exception of Prom Night of course. Well thankfully that trend is continuing with this one because Forgetting Sarah Marshall is hilarious!
I still haven't quite figured out where it ranks in the grand scheme of Judd Apatow related movies but I can tell you it's right up there with Knocked Up and Superbad in terms of laughs. Hardly a minute goes by in this one where you aren't laughing at something which is extremely fucking rare so I enjoyed every second of it.
It carries on the Apatow tradition of being able to walk the line perfectly between adult humour and actual heart. It also sometimes ventures into the realm of ridiculousness (that a word? whatever im too fucking tired to fix it) but never to the point where things seem unrealistic or that you are taken out of the movie. You actually care about these characters and are generally interested in whats going to happen to them. This is one of those very rare romantic comedies where I actually wasn't completely sure how it was going to play out. That alone makes it worth recommending for sure.
The cast is terrific without a weak link in the bunch. Jason Segal proves he has what it takes to carry a movie, as well as write a fantastic screenplay. Kristen Bell is gorgeous of course but does a great job making what could be a typical villainous ex-girlfriend role and making her actually sympathetic. Mila Kunis is great as the new girl for Jason as well. Also Russel Brand (apparently he's a love him or hate him comedian in the UK but I had never heard of him until now) is fucking hilarious as Bell's new rock star boyfriend.
That's not even mentioning the great supporting cast which includes Bill Hader, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill and a ton of other really funny motherfuckers. The bartender actually had my two favourite lines of the whole movie.
I can't recommend getting out there and seeing this one enough. Even if most of the movies I had seen this year weren't garbage, this one would still be beyond easy to recommend. It's incredibly funny and practically demands multiple viewings. See this, see it now! In fact why aren't you watching it this very second?! Go to your local theatre and demand they open so you can get in there and watch it! If the cops show up, convince them to watch it too, they'll love it!
****1/2 /5
50 fucking 2008 movies, that's pretty insane. It's weird to look back at when I started this thing and how far I've come. I'm actually pretty amazed I've managed to stay with it, for the most part anyway. I may not be as punctual as I was way back in January but I plan to be completely caught up by the end of this month.
Anyone who has been keeping track of those first 50 reviews knows that at least 40 of those movies got bad/mediocre reviews. It wasn't until pretty recently that things started to look up, with the exception of Prom Night of course. Well thankfully that trend is continuing with this one because Forgetting Sarah Marshall is hilarious!
I still haven't quite figured out where it ranks in the grand scheme of Judd Apatow related movies but I can tell you it's right up there with Knocked Up and Superbad in terms of laughs. Hardly a minute goes by in this one where you aren't laughing at something which is extremely fucking rare so I enjoyed every second of it.
It carries on the Apatow tradition of being able to walk the line perfectly between adult humour and actual heart. It also sometimes ventures into the realm of ridiculousness (that a word? whatever im too fucking tired to fix it) but never to the point where things seem unrealistic or that you are taken out of the movie. You actually care about these characters and are generally interested in whats going to happen to them. This is one of those very rare romantic comedies where I actually wasn't completely sure how it was going to play out. That alone makes it worth recommending for sure.
The cast is terrific without a weak link in the bunch. Jason Segal proves he has what it takes to carry a movie, as well as write a fantastic screenplay. Kristen Bell is gorgeous of course but does a great job making what could be a typical villainous ex-girlfriend role and making her actually sympathetic. Mila Kunis is great as the new girl for Jason as well. Also Russel Brand (apparently he's a love him or hate him comedian in the UK but I had never heard of him until now) is fucking hilarious as Bell's new rock star boyfriend.
That's not even mentioning the great supporting cast which includes Bill Hader, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill and a ton of other really funny motherfuckers. The bartender actually had my two favourite lines of the whole movie.
I can't recommend getting out there and seeing this one enough. Even if most of the movies I had seen this year weren't garbage, this one would still be beyond easy to recommend. It's incredibly funny and practically demands multiple viewings. See this, see it now! In fact why aren't you watching it this very second?! Go to your local theatre and demand they open so you can get in there and watch it! If the cops show up, convince them to watch it too, they'll love it!
****1/2 /5
Shawn's Prom Night Review
2008 Movie # 49 - Prom Night
Thank god this wasn't movie 50. That's a pretty huge milestone for me and I would hate for it to be tainted by a terrible movie. Thankfully it looks like that position will belong to Forgetting Sarah Marshall so I'm not too worried.
I've ripped this movie apart already in other entries that I've posted but now I've seen it and thankfully I can now confirm that it deserves all the shit that I have given it in the past few weeks. This should be the final nail in the PG-13 slasher genre but of course it made a shitload of money (probably already made its budget back plus much more by now) so if anything we're going to see the number dramatically increase. Goody.
Instead of going paragraph by paragraph let's do this similar to the 27 Dresses review and just do a checklist. This time the theme of the checklist is going to be "Count The Stupid Fucking Things About This Movie."
[] People get stabbed 5 times or more, then we immediatly see a dead body with absolutely no blood on it. I know the PG-13 rating doesn't along much room for gore, but then why even put the knife stabs. It just makes it look retarded.
[] False scares out the ass, which is no real surprise. We get the usual ones of someone appearing behind a character in a mirror when they close a cabinet door, running into characters from offscreen, hallucinating that the killer is standing there and then he's gone, etc. However this one contains probably the dumbest jump scare in history. She runs into a lamp and then screams like it was a fucking dinosaur. Not only that, we clearly see the lamp in the shot and that shes going to back into it. However the movie still has the fucking audacity to play the loud jump scare noise even though they spent forever telegraphing it. EVEN WORSE...the audience screamed! Feel a twitching sensation inside you? That was your faith in humanity leaving.
[] The killer himself makes no real sense. First off, he's a teacher, and yet he escaped from a maximum security prison. How the fuck did he do that?! Did I just miss the explanation?! It wouldn't matter because I'm still being lead to believe a fucking high school teacher escaped from a MAXIMUM security prison. Unless the subject he taught was Magic, I can't buy that. Also, when he gets out, why does he just start killing random people? I thought he was just obsessed with the lead girl? So why is he going out of his way to kill people who have nothing to do with anything? To make the movie more exciting? Cuz guess what...
[] This movie is boring. I can't even fully blame the PG-13 rating for this because even if the kills were gory, it would still be a boring movie. It's characters wandering around calling out each other's names and that's essentially it. There's no suspense or tension at any point.
[] It's all so predictable. There's no doubt how this thing is going to play out. So why does this movie exist? We've seen it 1000 times before, done both better and worse. Well apparently it exists because people still throw fucking money at them. Do teenage girls really have nothing better to do with their money or time than go and see this? Also have they never been to a movie before in their entire lives? How do they not know to shut the fuck up? Then they seem surprised when people complain and they eventually get kicked out.
Anyway I'm getting offtrack. The important thing is that this movie sucks. I might have taken it easier on this movie had it not made so much money because that really fueled the fires of hatred, but even had it flopped it would still be terrible. Unless you're stuck watching every movie that comes out this year, stay far, FAR, away from this one.
.5 / 5
Thank god this wasn't movie 50. That's a pretty huge milestone for me and I would hate for it to be tainted by a terrible movie. Thankfully it looks like that position will belong to Forgetting Sarah Marshall so I'm not too worried.
I've ripped this movie apart already in other entries that I've posted but now I've seen it and thankfully I can now confirm that it deserves all the shit that I have given it in the past few weeks. This should be the final nail in the PG-13 slasher genre but of course it made a shitload of money (probably already made its budget back plus much more by now) so if anything we're going to see the number dramatically increase. Goody.
Instead of going paragraph by paragraph let's do this similar to the 27 Dresses review and just do a checklist. This time the theme of the checklist is going to be "Count The Stupid Fucking Things About This Movie."
[] People get stabbed 5 times or more, then we immediatly see a dead body with absolutely no blood on it. I know the PG-13 rating doesn't along much room for gore, but then why even put the knife stabs. It just makes it look retarded.
[] False scares out the ass, which is no real surprise. We get the usual ones of someone appearing behind a character in a mirror when they close a cabinet door, running into characters from offscreen, hallucinating that the killer is standing there and then he's gone, etc. However this one contains probably the dumbest jump scare in history. She runs into a lamp and then screams like it was a fucking dinosaur. Not only that, we clearly see the lamp in the shot and that shes going to back into it. However the movie still has the fucking audacity to play the loud jump scare noise even though they spent forever telegraphing it. EVEN WORSE...the audience screamed! Feel a twitching sensation inside you? That was your faith in humanity leaving.
[] The killer himself makes no real sense. First off, he's a teacher, and yet he escaped from a maximum security prison. How the fuck did he do that?! Did I just miss the explanation?! It wouldn't matter because I'm still being lead to believe a fucking high school teacher escaped from a MAXIMUM security prison. Unless the subject he taught was Magic, I can't buy that. Also, when he gets out, why does he just start killing random people? I thought he was just obsessed with the lead girl? So why is he going out of his way to kill people who have nothing to do with anything? To make the movie more exciting? Cuz guess what...
[] This movie is boring. I can't even fully blame the PG-13 rating for this because even if the kills were gory, it would still be a boring movie. It's characters wandering around calling out each other's names and that's essentially it. There's no suspense or tension at any point.
[] It's all so predictable. There's no doubt how this thing is going to play out. So why does this movie exist? We've seen it 1000 times before, done both better and worse. Well apparently it exists because people still throw fucking money at them. Do teenage girls really have nothing better to do with their money or time than go and see this? Also have they never been to a movie before in their entire lives? How do they not know to shut the fuck up? Then they seem surprised when people complain and they eventually get kicked out.
Anyway I'm getting offtrack. The important thing is that this movie sucks. I might have taken it easier on this movie had it not made so much money because that really fueled the fires of hatred, but even had it flopped it would still be terrible. Unless you're stuck watching every movie that comes out this year, stay far, FAR, away from this one.
.5 / 5
Shawn's Long Overdue April Preview and Predictions
Well the month is more than half over and I've already seen a few of the movies that have come out, but I can't break tradition and just not have one of these so I'm going to write it now. Better late than never right? Fuck you.
April aka When Things Finally Start To Get Good
4th
Leatherheads
Nim's Island
The Ruins
11th
Prom Night
Street Kings
Smart People
18th
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forbidden Kingdom
88 Minutes
Expelled
25th
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Baby Mama
Deception
I think that about sums it all up. Of course there are the lesser movies that I don't have to see but will try to see at some point, including Pathology and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? In the meantime, let's look at what we have.
Leatherheads, Nim's Island and The Ruins I have already watched and reviewed so you pretty much know my thoughts on those. Good start to the month overall.
Street Kings is apparently so ridiculous that it's entertaining and with Neo and House in the same cast, I am fucking in for this one. Will be watching this one this weekend sometime.
Prom Night you already know my feelings on if you read my review of The Ruins. Sure I haven't seen it yet but come on, we all know it's going to be terrible. I've now had two seperate opportunities to watch this movie but just can't bring myself to actually do it.
Smart People was one that kind of came out of nowhere for me but it's playing on more than 1000 screens and therefore has to be watched. I like Ellen Page and I like Dennis Quaid (at least I think he's in this movie) so hopefully this one turns out to be a pleasant surprise.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall I am going to see tonight so there will hopefully be a review up of that one before the night is through. I am fucking excited about this one.
Forbidden Kingdom has a lot of potential but the word of mouth I'm hearing for this one isn't so great. With Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same movie you would think you can do no wrong, but when you look at their recent film choices (War and Rush Hour 3 being just awful), it starts to become clearer how things could very well go wrong. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one.
Expelled I learned about literally 5 seconds before I started typing this. I had sort of heard of it but assumed it would be released on like 10 screens. Well times that by a hundred and you get the number of screens it's actually on and therefore has to be seen by me. It doesn't sound that interesting and I can't really imagine listening to Ben Stein's voice for a full length movie. Not looking forward to having to watch this one.
88 Minutes I saw months ago and it's nice to not have to worry about watching that one now. It's fun to watch people discovering how bad this is now when I made that same discovery weeks and weeks ago.
Baby Mama I think will be good. The advance word is good and I'm a huge Tina Fey fan. It will be really cool to see her and Amy Poehler together again. Throw in a great supporting cast and this one will hopefully be a winner.
Harold and Kumar is officially when I start to get really fucking excited about movies. The first one is one of my all time favourite comedies and I've seen it a ridiculous amount of times. I don't expect this one to be as good but I'm pretty damn positive I will get some good laughs out of it.
Deception is pretty much the definition of generic cookie cutter movie. From it's painfully unoriginal title, poster and plot, this looks like something you will watch, not hate but not really enjoy, and then forget about it on the way home from the theatre.
Best Movie - Since I'm such a huge fan of the first one I'm going to have to say Harold and Kumar for this one.
Worst Movie - Prom Night without a doubt.
That brings this months preview to a close, despite there only being 12 days left in the actual month. The goal is to be completely caught up on movies by the end of the month so I can go right into the summer movie season without any movies in the backlog. I can't wait to wait to write my May predictions because that is going to be an absolutely amazing month for movies.
April aka When Things Finally Start To Get Good
4th
Leatherheads
Nim's Island
The Ruins
11th
Prom Night
Street Kings
Smart People
18th
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forbidden Kingdom
88 Minutes
Expelled
25th
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Baby Mama
Deception
I think that about sums it all up. Of course there are the lesser movies that I don't have to see but will try to see at some point, including Pathology and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? In the meantime, let's look at what we have.
Leatherheads, Nim's Island and The Ruins I have already watched and reviewed so you pretty much know my thoughts on those. Good start to the month overall.
Street Kings is apparently so ridiculous that it's entertaining and with Neo and House in the same cast, I am fucking in for this one. Will be watching this one this weekend sometime.
Prom Night you already know my feelings on if you read my review of The Ruins. Sure I haven't seen it yet but come on, we all know it's going to be terrible. I've now had two seperate opportunities to watch this movie but just can't bring myself to actually do it.
Smart People was one that kind of came out of nowhere for me but it's playing on more than 1000 screens and therefore has to be watched. I like Ellen Page and I like Dennis Quaid (at least I think he's in this movie) so hopefully this one turns out to be a pleasant surprise.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall I am going to see tonight so there will hopefully be a review up of that one before the night is through. I am fucking excited about this one.
Forbidden Kingdom has a lot of potential but the word of mouth I'm hearing for this one isn't so great. With Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same movie you would think you can do no wrong, but when you look at their recent film choices (War and Rush Hour 3 being just awful), it starts to become clearer how things could very well go wrong. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one.
Expelled I learned about literally 5 seconds before I started typing this. I had sort of heard of it but assumed it would be released on like 10 screens. Well times that by a hundred and you get the number of screens it's actually on and therefore has to be seen by me. It doesn't sound that interesting and I can't really imagine listening to Ben Stein's voice for a full length movie. Not looking forward to having to watch this one.
88 Minutes I saw months ago and it's nice to not have to worry about watching that one now. It's fun to watch people discovering how bad this is now when I made that same discovery weeks and weeks ago.
Baby Mama I think will be good. The advance word is good and I'm a huge Tina Fey fan. It will be really cool to see her and Amy Poehler together again. Throw in a great supporting cast and this one will hopefully be a winner.
Harold and Kumar is officially when I start to get really fucking excited about movies. The first one is one of my all time favourite comedies and I've seen it a ridiculous amount of times. I don't expect this one to be as good but I'm pretty damn positive I will get some good laughs out of it.
Deception is pretty much the definition of generic cookie cutter movie. From it's painfully unoriginal title, poster and plot, this looks like something you will watch, not hate but not really enjoy, and then forget about it on the way home from the theatre.
Best Movie - Since I'm such a huge fan of the first one I'm going to have to say Harold and Kumar for this one.
Worst Movie - Prom Night without a doubt.
That brings this months preview to a close, despite there only being 12 days left in the actual month. The goal is to be completely caught up on movies by the end of the month so I can go right into the summer movie season without any movies in the backlog. I can't wait to wait to write my May predictions because that is going to be an absolutely amazing month for movies.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Shawn's Leatherheads Review
2008 Movie #48 - Leatherheads
Completing this review will mean that for the first time in I don't even know how many weeks, I will be caught up in reviewing the movies I've watched. It's a pretty good feeling actually. It's not so much a good feeling knowing how fucking far behind I still am on watching movies, with one from February still waiting to be viewed, but what the hell, it's a start.
You wouldn't know it since I haven't gotten around to writing any sort of preview for the month of April (trust me it's coming, even if I write it on April 29th it's fucking coming), Leatherheads would have been mentioned as one I was genuinely looking forward to. George Clooney is one of my favourite actors and I'll support anything John Krasinski does based on The Office alone. I was also very much in favour of a throwback to the screwball comedies of the early century. Thankfully this movie delivered and was actually really good. It's not really fall down hilarious, but it's consistently enjoyable throughout it's entire running time.
It's nice to watch a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and where everyone involved just seems to be having a good time. The feeling ends up being contagious because the viewer just begins to have a fun time watching them and watching the movie play itself out. That's really the best word you can use to describe this movie, fun. It's just fucking fun to watch. It's also something unique, and that's an element that's becoming more and more rare in movies. It's not very often anymore you can say a movie does something different, which is a fantastic reason why you should go and check this one out.
If you don't have fun watching this movie, then I hate to inform you but you may in fact be some sort of emotionless robot. If that's the case you have no place on this planet and will no doubt be destroyed in the near future by an angry mob of villagers. So...you know enjoy that. The rest of you enjoy Leatherheads, it's a damn good time.
****/5
Completing this review will mean that for the first time in I don't even know how many weeks, I will be caught up in reviewing the movies I've watched. It's a pretty good feeling actually. It's not so much a good feeling knowing how fucking far behind I still am on watching movies, with one from February still waiting to be viewed, but what the hell, it's a start.
You wouldn't know it since I haven't gotten around to writing any sort of preview for the month of April (trust me it's coming, even if I write it on April 29th it's fucking coming), Leatherheads would have been mentioned as one I was genuinely looking forward to. George Clooney is one of my favourite actors and I'll support anything John Krasinski does based on The Office alone. I was also very much in favour of a throwback to the screwball comedies of the early century. Thankfully this movie delivered and was actually really good. It's not really fall down hilarious, but it's consistently enjoyable throughout it's entire running time.
It's nice to watch a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and where everyone involved just seems to be having a good time. The feeling ends up being contagious because the viewer just begins to have a fun time watching them and watching the movie play itself out. That's really the best word you can use to describe this movie, fun. It's just fucking fun to watch. It's also something unique, and that's an element that's becoming more and more rare in movies. It's not very often anymore you can say a movie does something different, which is a fantastic reason why you should go and check this one out.
If you don't have fun watching this movie, then I hate to inform you but you may in fact be some sort of emotionless robot. If that's the case you have no place on this planet and will no doubt be destroyed in the near future by an angry mob of villagers. So...you know enjoy that. The rest of you enjoy Leatherheads, it's a damn good time.
****/5
Shawn's Stop Loss Review
2008 Movie # 47 - Stop Loss
Welcome to most likely my shortest review yet. I decided I wanted to talk about this movie without getting into any of my personal feelings on Iraq and the war and everything. As a result of that decision, I find with myself with very little to say about the actual movie itself. I'll admit this is one of the first movies this year that was more of a backgrounder. I paid enough attention to it to get the whole story and everything, but it never completely got my full attention. Did it deserve it? I don't even really know.
I wasn't that invested really in what was happening. The story was interesting enough and I was actually kind of invested in what was going to happen with Ryan Phillipe's character. I just wasn't all that invested in what was happening with anyone else in the story. By the end I found I was starting to lose interest in Ryan's story as well, which didn't leave me with much to care about in this movie.
The acting was fine. I've always liked both Ryan Philippe and Joseph Gordon Levitt (if you haven't seen The Lookout starring him I highly recommend it) and they do well in this movie. I have no opinion on Channing Tatum but he does fine here as well.
In the end, maybe I just wasn't in the right mood while watching it or something but I just couldn't bring myself to get into this movie. It wasn't horrible, it wasn't great...I don't know. I am actually struggling to come up with something to say here. It is kind of interesting though that every single movie to be released in the last year or so about Iraq (and there has actually been a fairly high number of them) hasn't done well. This is the first one of those movies I've actually watched and I don't know...whatever.
**/5
Welcome to most likely my shortest review yet. I decided I wanted to talk about this movie without getting into any of my personal feelings on Iraq and the war and everything. As a result of that decision, I find with myself with very little to say about the actual movie itself. I'll admit this is one of the first movies this year that was more of a backgrounder. I paid enough attention to it to get the whole story and everything, but it never completely got my full attention. Did it deserve it? I don't even really know.
I wasn't that invested really in what was happening. The story was interesting enough and I was actually kind of invested in what was going to happen with Ryan Phillipe's character. I just wasn't all that invested in what was happening with anyone else in the story. By the end I found I was starting to lose interest in Ryan's story as well, which didn't leave me with much to care about in this movie.
The acting was fine. I've always liked both Ryan Philippe and Joseph Gordon Levitt (if you haven't seen The Lookout starring him I highly recommend it) and they do well in this movie. I have no opinion on Channing Tatum but he does fine here as well.
In the end, maybe I just wasn't in the right mood while watching it or something but I just couldn't bring myself to get into this movie. It wasn't horrible, it wasn't great...I don't know. I am actually struggling to come up with something to say here. It is kind of interesting though that every single movie to be released in the last year or so about Iraq (and there has actually been a fairly high number of them) hasn't done well. This is the first one of those movies I've actually watched and I don't know...whatever.
**/5
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Shawn's Day of the Dead Review
2008 Movie #46 - Day of the Dead
I think I'm going to remake the original Die Hard only in my version, the main character is a pussy, we're going to get rid of the building and have all of the action take place in a department store, the bad guys now have super powers, Hans Gruber would be some sort of robot, there would be no one-liners, and there would be a fuck load more musical numbers. It would still be called "Die Hard" though. Doesn't sound a thing like the original huh? Well that was my incredibly long winded way of saying that this movie is Day of the Dead in name only. A couple of the characters have the same or similar names and yes there are zombies (although even thats a stretch since in this movie they just seem to be suffering from extreme colds, so who knows maybe some Tylenol is all they need) but thats where the similarities completely stop.
I'm sure they called this Day of the Dead to attract interest and get people to watch what is nothing more than a bottom of the barrel piece of shit horror movie. I mean this thing is just god awful. It might be kind of fun to make fun of with your friends but there are way better movies out there for that. I think by the end you would just kind of get bored with the whole thing. The movie is so fucking ridiculous already it's like it's almost daring you to try and make fun of it more, because it's almost impossible.
I don't even really know where to begin in talking about how god damn stupid this movie is. I already mentioned that the zombies are merely people with bad colds, at least that's what I got out of it. Oh and these "zombies" can also climb on fucking walls and ceilings, run faster than most gold medal athletes, and leap from several stories off a building and not be phased. Zombie or not, that would shatter every fucking bone in your leg. Then let's see them climb on the damn ceiling.
Also there is one zombie who doesn't eat people, like in the original Day of the Dead. However instead of giving him an actual story and reasoning for it, we're just told he's a vegetarian and thats why he wont eat people. I'm not even fucking kidding. Even worse, this line of dialogue is delivered in the most dead fucking serious way ever. Anyone who could say that line and not follow it with a look at the camera and a "Are you absolutely shitting me?" is fucking Batman. By that rationale, a giant portion of the zombie population shouldn't be eating people. Are they actually saying this guy is the only vegetarian on the entire planet? I can almost believe wall crawling zombies but this? Come on now.
The acting will make you want to vomit out of your eyesocket. Mena Suvari could not be more miscast as the badass, and there are not enough feet in the world to kick Nick Cannon's ass as much as he needs it. His character is the absolute definition of fucking annoying. No death they could deliver would be enough. I don't care if he is slowly tortured if front of us for weeks on end, I would still say "eh, that could have been worse for him." I think we're actually supposed to like his character and find him funny, further evidence that the people behind this movie either have no idea what they're doing, or just fucking hate people who watch movies and wanted to punish us.
I can't even recommend this one as a stupid make fun of it time waster. For that kind of movie, might I suggest seeking out The Sleeping Car. Look it up, it's fucking hilarious. As for this one, walk into your nearest rental or retail store and just smash it to pieces. The managers will thank you for it.
.5 /5 (it gets half a point because the vegetarian line delivery made me laugh harder than I had in quite some time)
I think I'm going to remake the original Die Hard only in my version, the main character is a pussy, we're going to get rid of the building and have all of the action take place in a department store, the bad guys now have super powers, Hans Gruber would be some sort of robot, there would be no one-liners, and there would be a fuck load more musical numbers. It would still be called "Die Hard" though. Doesn't sound a thing like the original huh? Well that was my incredibly long winded way of saying that this movie is Day of the Dead in name only. A couple of the characters have the same or similar names and yes there are zombies (although even thats a stretch since in this movie they just seem to be suffering from extreme colds, so who knows maybe some Tylenol is all they need) but thats where the similarities completely stop.
I'm sure they called this Day of the Dead to attract interest and get people to watch what is nothing more than a bottom of the barrel piece of shit horror movie. I mean this thing is just god awful. It might be kind of fun to make fun of with your friends but there are way better movies out there for that. I think by the end you would just kind of get bored with the whole thing. The movie is so fucking ridiculous already it's like it's almost daring you to try and make fun of it more, because it's almost impossible.
I don't even really know where to begin in talking about how god damn stupid this movie is. I already mentioned that the zombies are merely people with bad colds, at least that's what I got out of it. Oh and these "zombies" can also climb on fucking walls and ceilings, run faster than most gold medal athletes, and leap from several stories off a building and not be phased. Zombie or not, that would shatter every fucking bone in your leg. Then let's see them climb on the damn ceiling.
Also there is one zombie who doesn't eat people, like in the original Day of the Dead. However instead of giving him an actual story and reasoning for it, we're just told he's a vegetarian and thats why he wont eat people. I'm not even fucking kidding. Even worse, this line of dialogue is delivered in the most dead fucking serious way ever. Anyone who could say that line and not follow it with a look at the camera and a "Are you absolutely shitting me?" is fucking Batman. By that rationale, a giant portion of the zombie population shouldn't be eating people. Are they actually saying this guy is the only vegetarian on the entire planet? I can almost believe wall crawling zombies but this? Come on now.
The acting will make you want to vomit out of your eyesocket. Mena Suvari could not be more miscast as the badass, and there are not enough feet in the world to kick Nick Cannon's ass as much as he needs it. His character is the absolute definition of fucking annoying. No death they could deliver would be enough. I don't care if he is slowly tortured if front of us for weeks on end, I would still say "eh, that could have been worse for him." I think we're actually supposed to like his character and find him funny, further evidence that the people behind this movie either have no idea what they're doing, or just fucking hate people who watch movies and wanted to punish us.
I can't even recommend this one as a stupid make fun of it time waster. For that kind of movie, might I suggest seeking out The Sleeping Car. Look it up, it's fucking hilarious. As for this one, walk into your nearest rental or retail store and just smash it to pieces. The managers will thank you for it.
.5 /5 (it gets half a point because the vegetarian line delivery made me laugh harder than I had in quite some time)
Shawn's 2nd Rant
I wasn't sure if this would be a segment of the blog that would make a return but damn it, sometimes the world of movies makes me so mad that I really don't have a choice but to rant about it. This one may not quite be as heated as my Meet the Spartans rant but it's still worthy of one. In fact I think I may have hinted at this one way back when I wrote the first one.
Rant #2 - Stop Bitching About No 'R' Rated Movies When You Don't Even See The Ones We Get
This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time but I hadn't really been inspired enough to write it until right now. You see I just took a look at the top 10 movies for this past weekend and surprise, surprise Prom Night is number one. It's not even just number one but it's number one by quite a bit. Now don't get me wrong it's not just that factor that makes me mad, although believe me it definitely angers me. It's fact that in just 3 days (2 basically actually) Prom Night has made just about double the amount of money that The Ruins has made. That's where we get into the bulk of this rant because of course Prom Night is a PG-13 movie and The Ruins is rated R.
It's no secret that horror fans both hardcore and casual are very vocal about their feelings on PG-13 horror. Many agree that horror movies should be R rated and feel that there are simply not enough of them. Anytime a horror movie that was originally supposed to be rated R is watered down and given a PG-13 rating, there is a ton of vocal outcry from horror fans about how it's a bad move. The problem is, it's getting harder and harder to blame the movie studios for this because it's becoming quite clear that PG-13 horror makes money but R rated usually does not, at least not in the same scale.
Am I saying that you can't make a good PG-13 horror movie? Absolutely not. I highly enjoyed the first Ring, and the recent Cloverfield was PG-13 but no less fantastic. I am saying that 90% of PG-13 horror is recycled garbage. I mean we've seen Prom Night 1000 times before. People die horrible deaths that we never get to actually see and then don't spill an ounce of blood. The movie is spent making loud noises and having people bump into things and scream. I've only seen maybe 10 minutes of Prom Night and it's quite clear that's really all the movie has to offer. This exact movie is released at least once or twice a year but they always make money so they show no signs of stopping anytime soon.
The other type we get are the ones mentioned above, the ones that were going to be rated R until the studio pussied out and lowered the rating. These movies can be even worse since it's always clear that a lot of stuff was cut to get the new rating. In fact sometimes the cuts are so bad that the movie no longer makes any narrative sense (The Darkness and Pulse for some reason come to mind, granted the R rated versions of those movies weren't that good either but still).
My point really is that PG-13 horror for the most part is lazy garbage, but they always make their budgets back, plus tons more. Then every now and then an R rated horror movie comes along. Sometimes even a really good R rated movie. We've had two really good R rated horror movies in the past few months, The Ruins and The Mist. Both R rated, both basically flopped at the box office. So you see what I'm getting at right? People bitch and bitch and bitch about R rated horror movies but then nobody seems to go and see them when they finally get released. This is exactly why studios keep making PG-13 ones!! You can't fucking complain about no R rated movies if you don't even go and see the ones that we get!!!
It's not just horror either. Many people also bitch about R rated action movies and how few of those we get. In fact I still read about that all the time. However last year I can recall not only two R rated action movies, but two fucking fantastic R rated action movies. I'm speaking of course of Grindhouse and Shoot 'Em Up. These movies were just fucking phenomenal. Everyone who saw them pretty much loved them (at least with Grindhouse), but the problem is that nobody went to go and see them. Both were considered huge flops. You don't think studios pay attention to that shit?!
When it was announced that Live Free or Die Hard would be released as a PG-13 movie people just about lost their fucking minds. Granted the movie still was kick-ass, but if you've seen the Unrated cut you know that it just feels much more like a real Die Hard movie. PG-13 Die Hard still made crazy fucking money though. This is just more reason for studios to go the PG route in the future.
I'm not saying all hope is lost. 300 was R-rated and made ridiculous money, and this year's Rambo did quite well also. I'm just saying that I know a lot of people and read comments by a lot of people who do nothing but bitch about not enough R rated movies, yet don't even go and see the ones we do get. The next time someone I know complains about no R rated action or horror movies I'm going to simply ask them, "Well did you see Grindhouse and The Ruins?" If the answer is no to either one of them, I'm going to kick them square in the junk. FACT!!
Rant #2 - Stop Bitching About No 'R' Rated Movies When You Don't Even See The Ones We Get
This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time but I hadn't really been inspired enough to write it until right now. You see I just took a look at the top 10 movies for this past weekend and surprise, surprise Prom Night is number one. It's not even just number one but it's number one by quite a bit. Now don't get me wrong it's not just that factor that makes me mad, although believe me it definitely angers me. It's fact that in just 3 days (2 basically actually) Prom Night has made just about double the amount of money that The Ruins has made. That's where we get into the bulk of this rant because of course Prom Night is a PG-13 movie and The Ruins is rated R.
It's no secret that horror fans both hardcore and casual are very vocal about their feelings on PG-13 horror. Many agree that horror movies should be R rated and feel that there are simply not enough of them. Anytime a horror movie that was originally supposed to be rated R is watered down and given a PG-13 rating, there is a ton of vocal outcry from horror fans about how it's a bad move. The problem is, it's getting harder and harder to blame the movie studios for this because it's becoming quite clear that PG-13 horror makes money but R rated usually does not, at least not in the same scale.
Am I saying that you can't make a good PG-13 horror movie? Absolutely not. I highly enjoyed the first Ring, and the recent Cloverfield was PG-13 but no less fantastic. I am saying that 90% of PG-13 horror is recycled garbage. I mean we've seen Prom Night 1000 times before. People die horrible deaths that we never get to actually see and then don't spill an ounce of blood. The movie is spent making loud noises and having people bump into things and scream. I've only seen maybe 10 minutes of Prom Night and it's quite clear that's really all the movie has to offer. This exact movie is released at least once or twice a year but they always make money so they show no signs of stopping anytime soon.
The other type we get are the ones mentioned above, the ones that were going to be rated R until the studio pussied out and lowered the rating. These movies can be even worse since it's always clear that a lot of stuff was cut to get the new rating. In fact sometimes the cuts are so bad that the movie no longer makes any narrative sense (The Darkness and Pulse for some reason come to mind, granted the R rated versions of those movies weren't that good either but still).
My point really is that PG-13 horror for the most part is lazy garbage, but they always make their budgets back, plus tons more. Then every now and then an R rated horror movie comes along. Sometimes even a really good R rated movie. We've had two really good R rated horror movies in the past few months, The Ruins and The Mist. Both R rated, both basically flopped at the box office. So you see what I'm getting at right? People bitch and bitch and bitch about R rated horror movies but then nobody seems to go and see them when they finally get released. This is exactly why studios keep making PG-13 ones!! You can't fucking complain about no R rated movies if you don't even go and see the ones that we get!!!
It's not just horror either. Many people also bitch about R rated action movies and how few of those we get. In fact I still read about that all the time. However last year I can recall not only two R rated action movies, but two fucking fantastic R rated action movies. I'm speaking of course of Grindhouse and Shoot 'Em Up. These movies were just fucking phenomenal. Everyone who saw them pretty much loved them (at least with Grindhouse), but the problem is that nobody went to go and see them. Both were considered huge flops. You don't think studios pay attention to that shit?!
When it was announced that Live Free or Die Hard would be released as a PG-13 movie people just about lost their fucking minds. Granted the movie still was kick-ass, but if you've seen the Unrated cut you know that it just feels much more like a real Die Hard movie. PG-13 Die Hard still made crazy fucking money though. This is just more reason for studios to go the PG route in the future.
I'm not saying all hope is lost. 300 was R-rated and made ridiculous money, and this year's Rambo did quite well also. I'm just saying that I know a lot of people and read comments by a lot of people who do nothing but bitch about not enough R rated movies, yet don't even go and see the ones we do get. The next time someone I know complains about no R rated action or horror movies I'm going to simply ask them, "Well did you see Grindhouse and The Ruins?" If the answer is no to either one of them, I'm going to kick them square in the junk. FACT!!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Shawn's Funny Games Review
2008 Movie #45 - Funny Games
This movie is without a doubt going to be my toughest review to write so far. I can't even verbally express my opinion on this movie, let alone in written form. I was worried I wouldn't get to see this one since it was playing in such limited release. However one of my local theatres got it and I got to check it out. Am I glad? Well, for the most part yes I am. I'm going to try very hard not to spoil anything, which is going to be hard but here goes nothing.
This movie is the absolute definition of a love it or hate it kind of movie. In fact it's almost dead even on rottentomatoes right now. Many people are going to dismiss it as nothing more than another movie in the long line of torture films, going for pure shock value and nothing more. However this movie has a lot more going on than just shocking the audience for the hell of it. Is it hard to watch? Oh god yes. It's almost constantly making the audience uncomfortable with whats going on. I mean when it comes down to it, the movie really is 90 minutes of a family going through hell and being tortured. There's no white light or bright area, it's constant abuse in the worst ways imaginable.
This movie is one that needs to be seen with someone else so that you can discuss it afterwards. Our post movie discussion made me realize a lot about the movie I hadn't even noticed myself. It's quite clear that the whole thing is a comment on movie audience's obsession with watching violence, torture and generally people being killed in horrible ways. I mean why do the Saw movies do so well? Unlike movies like Untraceable and the Condemned (both movies tried to relay a similar message), this one does so in a non-hypocritical way. It's constantly toying with the audience, as well as their expectations with this kind of movie.
For example, none of the violence happens on screen. A lot of absolutely, despicable acts happen in this movie, but we never see any of them. The one thing we do see happen in front of us is the only bit of violence that can be considered satisfying, but then we have it immediatly taken away from us. This movie knows what the audience expects/wants and absolutely refuses to give it to us. Watch the movie and you'll see exactly what I mean.
Another example, it knows the audience wants a motive for why these people are doing what they're doing. Again, we never get it. We're told motives, then told they're complete bullshit. We never find out why this is happening, and it makes things that much more horrifying to witness. The killers even go as far as to break the 4th wall, bringing the audience into their terrible acts and making us a part of them. All of it comes back to the theme of toying with the audience, killing their expecations and hopes, as well as commenting on the fact that we're sick bastards for deep inside, wanting to see these acts played out.
The acting is phenomenal by everyone. There is really only 5 central cast members in the whole thing but they all do a great job, especially Naomi Watts and Tim Roth. There is one shot in this movie that plays out for at least 7 or 8 minutes and never once cuts that shows just how great these two actors are. The two killers are also great and effectively creepy.
When we were leaving this movie you can hear the mixed reactions of the crowd. One person said it was amazing, another said it was "fucked", another said it was boring. I'm willing ot bet the guy who found it boring was expecating everyhthing that the movie didn't give him and danced around the whole time. I'm hesistant to recommend this movie because I know many people will hate it with every fibre of their being. I do think it's something that should be experienced though because it's rare these days to see something different and this movie definitely qualifies.
****/5
This movie is without a doubt going to be my toughest review to write so far. I can't even verbally express my opinion on this movie, let alone in written form. I was worried I wouldn't get to see this one since it was playing in such limited release. However one of my local theatres got it and I got to check it out. Am I glad? Well, for the most part yes I am. I'm going to try very hard not to spoil anything, which is going to be hard but here goes nothing.
This movie is the absolute definition of a love it or hate it kind of movie. In fact it's almost dead even on rottentomatoes right now. Many people are going to dismiss it as nothing more than another movie in the long line of torture films, going for pure shock value and nothing more. However this movie has a lot more going on than just shocking the audience for the hell of it. Is it hard to watch? Oh god yes. It's almost constantly making the audience uncomfortable with whats going on. I mean when it comes down to it, the movie really is 90 minutes of a family going through hell and being tortured. There's no white light or bright area, it's constant abuse in the worst ways imaginable.
This movie is one that needs to be seen with someone else so that you can discuss it afterwards. Our post movie discussion made me realize a lot about the movie I hadn't even noticed myself. It's quite clear that the whole thing is a comment on movie audience's obsession with watching violence, torture and generally people being killed in horrible ways. I mean why do the Saw movies do so well? Unlike movies like Untraceable and the Condemned (both movies tried to relay a similar message), this one does so in a non-hypocritical way. It's constantly toying with the audience, as well as their expectations with this kind of movie.
For example, none of the violence happens on screen. A lot of absolutely, despicable acts happen in this movie, but we never see any of them. The one thing we do see happen in front of us is the only bit of violence that can be considered satisfying, but then we have it immediatly taken away from us. This movie knows what the audience expects/wants and absolutely refuses to give it to us. Watch the movie and you'll see exactly what I mean.
Another example, it knows the audience wants a motive for why these people are doing what they're doing. Again, we never get it. We're told motives, then told they're complete bullshit. We never find out why this is happening, and it makes things that much more horrifying to witness. The killers even go as far as to break the 4th wall, bringing the audience into their terrible acts and making us a part of them. All of it comes back to the theme of toying with the audience, killing their expecations and hopes, as well as commenting on the fact that we're sick bastards for deep inside, wanting to see these acts played out.
The acting is phenomenal by everyone. There is really only 5 central cast members in the whole thing but they all do a great job, especially Naomi Watts and Tim Roth. There is one shot in this movie that plays out for at least 7 or 8 minutes and never once cuts that shows just how great these two actors are. The two killers are also great and effectively creepy.
When we were leaving this movie you can hear the mixed reactions of the crowd. One person said it was amazing, another said it was "fucked", another said it was boring. I'm willing ot bet the guy who found it boring was expecating everyhthing that the movie didn't give him and danced around the whole time. I'm hesistant to recommend this movie because I know many people will hate it with every fibre of their being. I do think it's something that should be experienced though because it's rare these days to see something different and this movie definitely qualifies.
****/5
Shawn's Nim's Island Review
2008 Movie # 44 - Nim's Island
It's very strange that this movie is sandwiched between two of the most fucked horror movies I've seen in quite some times. However this movie reminds me in a way of my thoughts on The Ruins. In that review I ranted about how rare it is that horror movies get it right lately. Well another kind of movie like this are kid's movies, at least in the eyes of an adult.
It's very rare these days that a kid's movie has some entertainment value for the adult. It's very important that theres something in there for the parents to enjoy, but there usually isn't sadly. Pixar has perfected this art. All of their movies are great for both kids and parents. Other movies have done alright with this too, including the recent Horton Hears A Who. I think it's a great thing when the entire family can enjoy a movie, not just the kids. It would make the experience that much better for everyone and can make for a great family night. That's why it's disheartening to see a movie like Nim's Island, a movie aimed solely at the kids and giving the adults virtually nothing.
It's hard for me to review this movie because, as with Veggie Tales, I am clearly not in the target audience. I think that kids would enjoy this movie as it has a sense of adventure I think they would find appearling. I myself was just not interested in what was going on. It reminded me sometimes of Penelope in that it was just a bit too loud and in your face. A lot of the comedy is slapstick in nature, with a couple sequences reminding me a little of the Home Alone ripoff period of the 90's.
The cast done a fine job. It's kind of cool to see Jodie Foster attempt to do a light-hearted comedy, it's just too bad she didn't pick a better movie to do it in. I hope we see more from her in the comedy genre because she looks like she has potential there. Abigail Breslin is quickly becoming one of the better young actors we have and I hope she takes over for the Village of the Damned-ish Dakota Fanning.
I really don't have that much more to say about this one. I can't say it was terrible but I didn't like it either. However I think kids would enjoy it and they are obviously the main audience here. In the future though, I hope we get more kids movies that at least TRY to have something for the older audience to enjoy too. The parents are the ones paying the 50 fucking dollars to get everyone in the movie, why do you have to punish them once they're there?
**/5
It's very strange that this movie is sandwiched between two of the most fucked horror movies I've seen in quite some times. However this movie reminds me in a way of my thoughts on The Ruins. In that review I ranted about how rare it is that horror movies get it right lately. Well another kind of movie like this are kid's movies, at least in the eyes of an adult.
It's very rare these days that a kid's movie has some entertainment value for the adult. It's very important that theres something in there for the parents to enjoy, but there usually isn't sadly. Pixar has perfected this art. All of their movies are great for both kids and parents. Other movies have done alright with this too, including the recent Horton Hears A Who. I think it's a great thing when the entire family can enjoy a movie, not just the kids. It would make the experience that much better for everyone and can make for a great family night. That's why it's disheartening to see a movie like Nim's Island, a movie aimed solely at the kids and giving the adults virtually nothing.
It's hard for me to review this movie because, as with Veggie Tales, I am clearly not in the target audience. I think that kids would enjoy this movie as it has a sense of adventure I think they would find appearling. I myself was just not interested in what was going on. It reminded me sometimes of Penelope in that it was just a bit too loud and in your face. A lot of the comedy is slapstick in nature, with a couple sequences reminding me a little of the Home Alone ripoff period of the 90's.
The cast done a fine job. It's kind of cool to see Jodie Foster attempt to do a light-hearted comedy, it's just too bad she didn't pick a better movie to do it in. I hope we see more from her in the comedy genre because she looks like she has potential there. Abigail Breslin is quickly becoming one of the better young actors we have and I hope she takes over for the Village of the Damned-ish Dakota Fanning.
I really don't have that much more to say about this one. I can't say it was terrible but I didn't like it either. However I think kids would enjoy it and they are obviously the main audience here. In the future though, I hope we get more kids movies that at least TRY to have something for the older audience to enjoy too. The parents are the ones paying the 50 fucking dollars to get everyone in the movie, why do you have to punish them once they're there?
**/5
Shawn's The Ruins Review
2008 Movie # 43 - The Ruins
I haven't read the book upon which this movie is based but I had wanted to, and after watching the movie definitely still want to. It's very rare that I get to say this, but this is a horror movie that gets it fucking right. It's by no means perfect, but it's damn good and it's really a shame this it didn't make more money.
So what exactly do I mean when I say this is a horror movie that gets it right? Well let's count the ways that it actually gets it right. First off, the jump scares aren't bullshit "HEY I JUST BANGED ON THE WINDOW REALLY LOUD" sudden loud noise scares but actual well earned scares. Almost every horror movie relys on this old tired trick. The Ruins has jump scares yes, but they're actual scares and not just the character bumping into some jackass offscreen and having a loud noise play. I'm sure this weekend the Prom Night remake will be throwing a fuckload of those kinds of scares at us.
Next, we actually care about these characters. Most horror movies (see my Diary of the Dead review for more on this) are full of one dimensional characters who only exist so that they can be killed off. In this movie these characters (with one exception) are humanized and made into actual people. They also don't spend the entire running time making one fucking retarded decision after another. "Hey a weird noise outside, I better investigate. Don't you even think about giving me something to defend myself with!!!" You don't get a whole lot of that shit with this one. I'm sure we can count on the Prom Night remake to give us exactly the types of characters I just ranted against.
Third, this movie doesn't fuck around with the gore. This movie is rated R and it really shows. It's not gore for gore's sake either (well somewhat), like say the Saw movies seem to be now. In fact some of the worst things in this movie happen offscreen and are left to the imagination. But the stuff you see is fucked and at sometimes worthy of looking away from the screen. Again, I look forward to the PG-13 Prom Night giving us a lot of violence cut aways and tiny amounts of blood.
I could keep going but the point is, this is a horror movie that actually works which is getting rarer and rarer as time goes on. This is what horror should be. As you can also see I'm not the biggest fan of the Prom Night remake, despite of course not having seen it yet. I feel though it epitomizes everything that is wrong with the horror genre. See The Ruins, it will kick your ass.
****/5
I haven't read the book upon which this movie is based but I had wanted to, and after watching the movie definitely still want to. It's very rare that I get to say this, but this is a horror movie that gets it fucking right. It's by no means perfect, but it's damn good and it's really a shame this it didn't make more money.
So what exactly do I mean when I say this is a horror movie that gets it right? Well let's count the ways that it actually gets it right. First off, the jump scares aren't bullshit "HEY I JUST BANGED ON THE WINDOW REALLY LOUD" sudden loud noise scares but actual well earned scares. Almost every horror movie relys on this old tired trick. The Ruins has jump scares yes, but they're actual scares and not just the character bumping into some jackass offscreen and having a loud noise play. I'm sure this weekend the Prom Night remake will be throwing a fuckload of those kinds of scares at us.
Next, we actually care about these characters. Most horror movies (see my Diary of the Dead review for more on this) are full of one dimensional characters who only exist so that they can be killed off. In this movie these characters (with one exception) are humanized and made into actual people. They also don't spend the entire running time making one fucking retarded decision after another. "Hey a weird noise outside, I better investigate. Don't you even think about giving me something to defend myself with!!!" You don't get a whole lot of that shit with this one. I'm sure we can count on the Prom Night remake to give us exactly the types of characters I just ranted against.
Third, this movie doesn't fuck around with the gore. This movie is rated R and it really shows. It's not gore for gore's sake either (well somewhat), like say the Saw movies seem to be now. In fact some of the worst things in this movie happen offscreen and are left to the imagination. But the stuff you see is fucked and at sometimes worthy of looking away from the screen. Again, I look forward to the PG-13 Prom Night giving us a lot of violence cut aways and tiny amounts of blood.
I could keep going but the point is, this is a horror movie that actually works which is getting rarer and rarer as time goes on. This is what horror should be. As you can also see I'm not the biggest fan of the Prom Night remake, despite of course not having seen it yet. I feel though it epitomizes everything that is wrong with the horror genre. See The Ruins, it will kick your ass.
****/5
Shawn's Diary of the Dead Review
2008 Movie #42 - Diary of the Dead
I was actually pretty disappointed when it was announced that this movie would only be released in a very limited number of theatres. I was interested in seeing it and was actually close to watching it during my New York trip just because I didn't think I would have the chance otherwise. Thankfully this movie has become...readily available...so I was able to view. It's probably for the best I didn't waste my precious New York time watching it, but it's still a good movie.
Well let me clarify that more. If this was a zombie movie made by just some random people you had never heard of, then it would be borderline great. However knowing that it was George A Romero who wrote and directed it sours things a little because you know the man is capable of better. His Dead movies are classics in the zombie genre (a genre that I must say I am a pretty large fan of) and I was expecting the same from this one. Instead we get a much better than average zombie movie, but one that falls short of his past movies.
Those who know the movie know that it's filmed in Blair Witch style...which from now on I'm going to refer to as Cloverfield style because fuck Blair Witch. It feels a little gimmicky in the beginning but actually starts to work in the movie's favor as it continues. One thing I liked is that the camera doesn't flail around wildly like it's prone to do in the above mentioned movie. The shots are steady and the camera work is well done. As with Cloverfield it's a bit of a stretch that these characters would still be filming after the constant slew of shit they had been through, but otherwise we wouldn't even have a movie so whatever works. Plus who knows, maybe we would keep filming in that situation, we don't really have a real life situation to go by. I myself would be too busy crying in the corner to film anything, I know that.
The acting is frankly quite bad for the most part. It doesn't ruin the movie too much but it does sometimes remind you that yes, this is a movie. Granted I doubt people would start to believe they're actually watching footage of a real zombie outbreak, but it's nice to really escape into that movie world and the bad acting prevents that from happening often. The characters are, as expected, completely one note and disposable. Thankfully, the zombie movie genre is one of the few types of movies that can get away with that and still be alright.
Of course one of the most important aspects of any zombie movie is the gore level and in this area, Diary of the Dead definitely delivers (alliteration for the win!). Zombies are dispatched in many gruesome ways and the special effects are pretty damn good as well. There's also a really cool shot involving a swimming pool that was a highlight of the movie.
In the grand scale of George A Romero zombie movies, this one is sadly closer to the bottom of the pile. However that still makes it a shitload better than 90% of other zombie movies, and also better than at least 70% of horror movies in general. It will be tricky to see this one in theatres but it's worth a look on DVD.
***/5
I was actually pretty disappointed when it was announced that this movie would only be released in a very limited number of theatres. I was interested in seeing it and was actually close to watching it during my New York trip just because I didn't think I would have the chance otherwise. Thankfully this movie has become...readily available...so I was able to view. It's probably for the best I didn't waste my precious New York time watching it, but it's still a good movie.
Well let me clarify that more. If this was a zombie movie made by just some random people you had never heard of, then it would be borderline great. However knowing that it was George A Romero who wrote and directed it sours things a little because you know the man is capable of better. His Dead movies are classics in the zombie genre (a genre that I must say I am a pretty large fan of) and I was expecting the same from this one. Instead we get a much better than average zombie movie, but one that falls short of his past movies.
Those who know the movie know that it's filmed in Blair Witch style...which from now on I'm going to refer to as Cloverfield style because fuck Blair Witch. It feels a little gimmicky in the beginning but actually starts to work in the movie's favor as it continues. One thing I liked is that the camera doesn't flail around wildly like it's prone to do in the above mentioned movie. The shots are steady and the camera work is well done. As with Cloverfield it's a bit of a stretch that these characters would still be filming after the constant slew of shit they had been through, but otherwise we wouldn't even have a movie so whatever works. Plus who knows, maybe we would keep filming in that situation, we don't really have a real life situation to go by. I myself would be too busy crying in the corner to film anything, I know that.
The acting is frankly quite bad for the most part. It doesn't ruin the movie too much but it does sometimes remind you that yes, this is a movie. Granted I doubt people would start to believe they're actually watching footage of a real zombie outbreak, but it's nice to really escape into that movie world and the bad acting prevents that from happening often. The characters are, as expected, completely one note and disposable. Thankfully, the zombie movie genre is one of the few types of movies that can get away with that and still be alright.
Of course one of the most important aspects of any zombie movie is the gore level and in this area, Diary of the Dead definitely delivers (alliteration for the win!). Zombies are dispatched in many gruesome ways and the special effects are pretty damn good as well. There's also a really cool shot involving a swimming pool that was a highlight of the movie.
In the grand scale of George A Romero zombie movies, this one is sadly closer to the bottom of the pile. However that still makes it a shitload better than 90% of other zombie movies, and also better than at least 70% of horror movies in general. It will be tricky to see this one in theatres but it's worth a look on DVD.
***/5
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Shawn's Shutter Review
2008 Movie #41 - Shutter
Sadly I think April brings an end to our monthly pattern of at least one japanese horror remake. Things didn't get off to a great start with the awful One Missed Call but picked up slightly with the surprisingly decent The Eye in February. Now we wrap things up with Shutter, which sadly is much closer to One Missed Call in terms of quality.
The sad truth is that you've already seen this movie at least 12 times in the past few years. Absolutely nothing happens that you don't expect. In case you're worried that maybe this remake doesn't feature a creepy japanese girl ghost popping out of random places for most of its running time, there's no need for those fears. Scared that maybe there isnt heaps and heaps of unneccessary back story about all of the characters? Or maybe that there isn't a twist revealing one of the protagonist's has a dark secret they're hiding? Well you can put all of those fears to rest because Shutter absolutely bathes in predicatable story telling and seen it before plot points.
It borrows pretty liberally from a ton of other movies that are usually better than this one. There's a plot twist (already spoiled in most of the trailers) taken out of What Lies Beneath. Everything else just reminds me of every other j-horror remake, especially The Grudge. Needless to say, a movie that reminds you heavily of the Grudge, may not be the best movie.
The movie also commits one of the main sins that a horror movie can...it's dull. There are long stretches of time where nothing exciting happens and whatever does happen you already knew was coming probably before you even sat down to watch the movie. The only thing that comes in to try and wake you up is the typical "HOLY SHIT A LOUD NOISE" type jump scares. There are a couple of semi-creepy moments near the end of the movie but nothing you haven't seen before, as I keep saying.
As is the case with many horror movies, the characters are very one-dimensional and have no qualities that make you care about them. Joshua Jackson does alright in the role he's given, however the same can't be said for whoever is playing his wife. I'd look it up but I really just don't give a shit. There are a few points in the movie that highlight that she's really not that strong of an actor. Then again the role doesn't ask much from her except to look scared or yell. So maybe it's not the most fair evaluation of her abilities.
I can't say that I'm upset we won't be getting any more of these remakes for a while. I think they just need to be put to rest for a good long while. They aren't doing anything to help the always struggling horror genre but I guess as long as they continue to make money, they won't die. However my next two reviews will be for horror movies that actually, for the most part anyway, get it right. In the meantime, if you see Shutter walking down the street, kick it in the chest.
* 1/5 /5
Sadly I think April brings an end to our monthly pattern of at least one japanese horror remake. Things didn't get off to a great start with the awful One Missed Call but picked up slightly with the surprisingly decent The Eye in February. Now we wrap things up with Shutter, which sadly is much closer to One Missed Call in terms of quality.
The sad truth is that you've already seen this movie at least 12 times in the past few years. Absolutely nothing happens that you don't expect. In case you're worried that maybe this remake doesn't feature a creepy japanese girl ghost popping out of random places for most of its running time, there's no need for those fears. Scared that maybe there isnt heaps and heaps of unneccessary back story about all of the characters? Or maybe that there isn't a twist revealing one of the protagonist's has a dark secret they're hiding? Well you can put all of those fears to rest because Shutter absolutely bathes in predicatable story telling and seen it before plot points.
It borrows pretty liberally from a ton of other movies that are usually better than this one. There's a plot twist (already spoiled in most of the trailers) taken out of What Lies Beneath. Everything else just reminds me of every other j-horror remake, especially The Grudge. Needless to say, a movie that reminds you heavily of the Grudge, may not be the best movie.
The movie also commits one of the main sins that a horror movie can...it's dull. There are long stretches of time where nothing exciting happens and whatever does happen you already knew was coming probably before you even sat down to watch the movie. The only thing that comes in to try and wake you up is the typical "HOLY SHIT A LOUD NOISE" type jump scares. There are a couple of semi-creepy moments near the end of the movie but nothing you haven't seen before, as I keep saying.
As is the case with many horror movies, the characters are very one-dimensional and have no qualities that make you care about them. Joshua Jackson does alright in the role he's given, however the same can't be said for whoever is playing his wife. I'd look it up but I really just don't give a shit. There are a few points in the movie that highlight that she's really not that strong of an actor. Then again the role doesn't ask much from her except to look scared or yell. So maybe it's not the most fair evaluation of her abilities.
I can't say that I'm upset we won't be getting any more of these remakes for a while. I think they just need to be put to rest for a good long while. They aren't doing anything to help the always struggling horror genre but I guess as long as they continue to make money, they won't die. However my next two reviews will be for horror movies that actually, for the most part anyway, get it right. In the meantime, if you see Shutter walking down the street, kick it in the chest.
* 1/5 /5
Shawn's Meet the Browns Review
2008 Movie #40 - Meet the Browns
Ah movie #40 and I'm still not even caught. There's a good chance I could crack 50 movies by the end of the week. That's quite an important milestone...and a sad one in some way. I really hope that my 50th movie is a whole hell of a lot better than my 40th cuz my god.
I'm not overly familiar with the works of Tyler Perry. I watched some of Madea's Family Reunion and shut it off rather quickly, knowing I would never ever go back and finish it. It was just irritating to watch. Other than that, I knew that most people (critics and audiences alike) hate the movies yet they still go on to make shit loads of cash. After watching Meet the Brows, Perry's success completely baffles me. If this is the kind of stuff he generally releases, then I really have no understanding of what is making this man popular.
I won't lie, I did not watch this in a theatre and thank god for that. I was watching a download but still could hear the audience's reaction of course. The audience who was watching this showing laughed hysterically at anything. I would actually have to rewind the movie just to try and find the fucking joke. I would say that 90% of the time I had no clue what they were laughing at. Maybe they were laughing at how bad the movie is but sadly I just don't have much faith in that.
I am now seriously so confused about Tyler Perry's success. Yes I haven't seen any of his other movies but I have read in numerous places that Meet the Brown's is essentially like all of his other ones so I'm choosing to take that at face value. The plot is nothing you haven't seen 1000 times before, and usually done better at that. The characters are way too over the top and a couple of them are so fucking irritating I would mute the movie until they went away. Even seeing the characters wild, spastic gestures made me angry however.
I'm happy to have this movie behind me because it was I think the only movie I hadn't watched yet that I was absolutely dreading having to partake in. Even the list of upcoming movies is looking pretty good with very few weak links among them. In the meantime, ignore this movie and continue to ignore any other movies Perry comes out with and we'll just have to hold on to the hope that maybe he will go away.
0.5 /5
Ah movie #40 and I'm still not even caught. There's a good chance I could crack 50 movies by the end of the week. That's quite an important milestone...and a sad one in some way. I really hope that my 50th movie is a whole hell of a lot better than my 40th cuz my god.
I'm not overly familiar with the works of Tyler Perry. I watched some of Madea's Family Reunion and shut it off rather quickly, knowing I would never ever go back and finish it. It was just irritating to watch. Other than that, I knew that most people (critics and audiences alike) hate the movies yet they still go on to make shit loads of cash. After watching Meet the Brows, Perry's success completely baffles me. If this is the kind of stuff he generally releases, then I really have no understanding of what is making this man popular.
I won't lie, I did not watch this in a theatre and thank god for that. I was watching a download but still could hear the audience's reaction of course. The audience who was watching this showing laughed hysterically at anything. I would actually have to rewind the movie just to try and find the fucking joke. I would say that 90% of the time I had no clue what they were laughing at. Maybe they were laughing at how bad the movie is but sadly I just don't have much faith in that.
I am now seriously so confused about Tyler Perry's success. Yes I haven't seen any of his other movies but I have read in numerous places that Meet the Brown's is essentially like all of his other ones so I'm choosing to take that at face value. The plot is nothing you haven't seen 1000 times before, and usually done better at that. The characters are way too over the top and a couple of them are so fucking irritating I would mute the movie until they went away. Even seeing the characters wild, spastic gestures made me angry however.
I'm happy to have this movie behind me because it was I think the only movie I hadn't watched yet that I was absolutely dreading having to partake in. Even the list of upcoming movies is looking pretty good with very few weak links among them. In the meantime, ignore this movie and continue to ignore any other movies Perry comes out with and we'll just have to hold on to the hope that maybe he will go away.
0.5 /5
Monday, April 7, 2008
Shawn's 21 Review
2008 Movie # 39 - 21
You know I always say that it's the comedies that are the hardest to review. This is pretty much true but a close second to that would be mediocre movies as whole. Unless you really like something or really hate it, it can sometimes be hard to really be at all passionate about something. That's pretty much the main reason why this review, as well as several other ones now, have gone unwritten even though I saw the movies days and days ago. It's that I just don't really have that much to say about them.
I remember watching the documentary on the true story 21 is based upon. It was very interesting to watch and is overall a fantastic story. I had been debating reading the book for quite some time but then after hearing they were making a movie out of it, decided I might as well just wait for it. However, after watching the movie I think I'm now more inclined than ever to read the book. It's a great non-fiction story that this movie hollywood-izes just a little too much.
It's not a bad movie by any means. The story as mentioned is good and it remains interesting throughout the running time. The problem is that it's overall a pretty by the numbers movie with very few surprises along the way. Of course they couldn't just tell the story the way it happened as it wouldn't make for a hollywood movie. They have to add in the love interest, the villian, the twists and turns, and so on. I see what they were going for with all of this, it just tends to bog the movie down in mediocrity.
The performances are across the board quite good. Kate Bosworth does well and is certainly nice to look at. Jim Sturgess (I think that's his name anyway) does fine in the lead, if not just a little on the bland side. Kevin Spacey is of course great and is probably the stand out of the picture. His character is a little over the top but at least brings some much needed energy to an otherwise meh picture. Laurence Fishburne is stuck in a fairly thankless role but does just fine with what little he has to work with.
The film certainly looks good and is very slick. The problem is the old situation of style over substance. They had the material for a really great movie here but instead settled for your average thriller/caper movie.
** 1/2 /5
You know I always say that it's the comedies that are the hardest to review. This is pretty much true but a close second to that would be mediocre movies as whole. Unless you really like something or really hate it, it can sometimes be hard to really be at all passionate about something. That's pretty much the main reason why this review, as well as several other ones now, have gone unwritten even though I saw the movies days and days ago. It's that I just don't really have that much to say about them.
I remember watching the documentary on the true story 21 is based upon. It was very interesting to watch and is overall a fantastic story. I had been debating reading the book for quite some time but then after hearing they were making a movie out of it, decided I might as well just wait for it. However, after watching the movie I think I'm now more inclined than ever to read the book. It's a great non-fiction story that this movie hollywood-izes just a little too much.
It's not a bad movie by any means. The story as mentioned is good and it remains interesting throughout the running time. The problem is that it's overall a pretty by the numbers movie with very few surprises along the way. Of course they couldn't just tell the story the way it happened as it wouldn't make for a hollywood movie. They have to add in the love interest, the villian, the twists and turns, and so on. I see what they were going for with all of this, it just tends to bog the movie down in mediocrity.
The performances are across the board quite good. Kate Bosworth does well and is certainly nice to look at. Jim Sturgess (I think that's his name anyway) does fine in the lead, if not just a little on the bland side. Kevin Spacey is of course great and is probably the stand out of the picture. His character is a little over the top but at least brings some much needed energy to an otherwise meh picture. Laurence Fishburne is stuck in a fairly thankless role but does just fine with what little he has to work with.
The film certainly looks good and is very slick. The problem is the old situation of style over substance. They had the material for a really great movie here but instead settled for your average thriller/caper movie.
** 1/2 /5
Friday, April 4, 2008
Shawn's Superhero Movie Review
First off for those who read this (aka me) a couple of quick housekeeping points. First off you may have noticed that the movie number count has jumped up. That's because I decided to go back and count my bonus reviews as actual 2008 movies. I mean they came out this year, even if they didn't open in theatres. It's just easier this way, especially when it comes to listing the best and worst 2008 movies and what not. Plus it makes my task look that much more impressive since the number of 2008 movies watched will sky rocket upwards.
The second thing is that I will very rarely do multiple reviews within one update. Each movie will get their own. That way it doesn't sit unfinished forever like my Penelope and Run Fatboy Run reviews unfortunatly did. I for some reason find myself much less motivated to write them when there's a shitload of movies to review in one single update. I think that about does it.
2008 Movie # 38 - Superhero Movie
Those who know me even the slightest bit know that I was not a fan of Meet the Spartans. Meet the Spartans angered me. It angered me to no fucking end. I still think about that movie and get ridiculously pissed off. Even just seeing the announcement of the DVD made me angry. In fact I'm sure if I were all of you I would look forward to the release of that DVD because I am definitely planning on reviewing the DVD itself. I just have to see how fucking self congratulatory those fuckers will be on the behind the scenes features and commentary. I have to see how they justify the movies existence, as well as their own.
Needless to say after that movie I didn't have high hopes for another spoof just a couple of months later. I mean I think the Scary Movie movies are decently funny, parts 1 and 3 especially so the idea that the people behind those movies were involved in this one at least gave me a faint glimmer of hope. Sadly they have let me down.
Now this review isn't going to be the verbal raping that was my Meet the Spartans review. Superhero Movie didn't anger me, it just wasn't that funny. It does a lot of the things Meet the Spartans (which from this point on will be refered to simply as Shitfuck) does which includes references that won't be relevant in the next few months, a ton of "hey aren't we hip for saying that" references (things such as: myspace, youtube, wikipedia, top 5 on cell phones, pretty much any flavour of the month you can think of), theres even a Two Girls One Cup "joke" that doesn't even make any sense except to say the name of the site.
However at least this movie, unlike Shitfuck, keeps it's focus on one genre instead of any movie to come out within the last 12 months. In fact not only does it focus on just one genre, it pretty much focuses on just one movie, and that's the original Spider-Man movie from years ago. So this movie is almost the exact opposite of Shitfuck in that it's spoofing target isn't too recent, it's kind of too old.
Another problem is that Superhero Movie doesn't so much spoof Spider-Man as it does recreate the story and insert prat falls, farts and shit jokes. There are at least a couple of decent attempts at actually spoofing the genre, which Shitfuck certainly never tried to do. So that's something.
The final and biggest problem is that, as briefly mentioned above, the movie just isn't that funny. There are a whole lot of lame roll your eyes jokes scattered throughout that really overpower the couple of genuinely funny moments the movie does have. I did laugh at least twice (smiled anyway), which is twice as much as Shitfuck.
So I can't recommend this movie, not at all. But it's a very, very, very small step forward for the spoof genre after the tragedy that was Shitfuck.
*/5
The second thing is that I will very rarely do multiple reviews within one update. Each movie will get their own. That way it doesn't sit unfinished forever like my Penelope and Run Fatboy Run reviews unfortunatly did. I for some reason find myself much less motivated to write them when there's a shitload of movies to review in one single update. I think that about does it.
2008 Movie # 38 - Superhero Movie
Those who know me even the slightest bit know that I was not a fan of Meet the Spartans. Meet the Spartans angered me. It angered me to no fucking end. I still think about that movie and get ridiculously pissed off. Even just seeing the announcement of the DVD made me angry. In fact I'm sure if I were all of you I would look forward to the release of that DVD because I am definitely planning on reviewing the DVD itself. I just have to see how fucking self congratulatory those fuckers will be on the behind the scenes features and commentary. I have to see how they justify the movies existence, as well as their own.
Needless to say after that movie I didn't have high hopes for another spoof just a couple of months later. I mean I think the Scary Movie movies are decently funny, parts 1 and 3 especially so the idea that the people behind those movies were involved in this one at least gave me a faint glimmer of hope. Sadly they have let me down.
Now this review isn't going to be the verbal raping that was my Meet the Spartans review. Superhero Movie didn't anger me, it just wasn't that funny. It does a lot of the things Meet the Spartans (which from this point on will be refered to simply as Shitfuck) does which includes references that won't be relevant in the next few months, a ton of "hey aren't we hip for saying that" references (things such as: myspace, youtube, wikipedia, top 5 on cell phones, pretty much any flavour of the month you can think of), theres even a Two Girls One Cup "joke" that doesn't even make any sense except to say the name of the site.
However at least this movie, unlike Shitfuck, keeps it's focus on one genre instead of any movie to come out within the last 12 months. In fact not only does it focus on just one genre, it pretty much focuses on just one movie, and that's the original Spider-Man movie from years ago. So this movie is almost the exact opposite of Shitfuck in that it's spoofing target isn't too recent, it's kind of too old.
Another problem is that Superhero Movie doesn't so much spoof Spider-Man as it does recreate the story and insert prat falls, farts and shit jokes. There are at least a couple of decent attempts at actually spoofing the genre, which Shitfuck certainly never tried to do. So that's something.
The final and biggest problem is that, as briefly mentioned above, the movie just isn't that funny. There are a whole lot of lame roll your eyes jokes scattered throughout that really overpower the couple of genuinely funny moments the movie does have. I did laugh at least twice (smiled anyway), which is twice as much as Shitfuck.
So I can't recommend this movie, not at all. But it's a very, very, very small step forward for the spoof genre after the tragedy that was Shitfuck.
*/5
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Shawn's 10,000 BC Review
2008 Movie # 37 - 10,000 B.C.
Again proving that I don't know shit about shit when it comes to predicting things at the start of the month, I said that this movie would most likely be the best movie of March. This one and Funny Games which by the looks of it I will actually probably get to see it in theatres which is pretty exciting. I'm sure you already figured it out by that introduction but this movie certainly isn't the best movie of March. It's not even a good movie at all.
Roland Emmerich's movies certainly aren't for everyone. This is the man who made Independence Day (which doesn't hold up as well as you might think) and Day After Tomorrow, which has a really kick ass first hour but then it's like they ran out of money and lost the second half of the script and had to make shit up right there on the spot. These are movies that you either hate, or enjoy purely on a "well at least it's entertaining" level. At the very least I figured this was the level of enjoyment I would get out of 10,000 BC.
I certainly didn't get that level since this movie simply isn't entertaining. I hadn't heard a single good thing about it before I saw it. In fact I hadn't even heard a single mediocre thing about it. Everyone who saw it said it was just bad. I thought it was going to be laughably "oh my god this is so stupid" bad. But if anything, it's just boring. There are a couple of action sequences scattered throughout the movie that are alright, but for the most part nothing really happens and the whole affair is just rather dull.
I do have to comment on one thing though. Now I'm no geographist but I'm pretty damn sure that you can't be walking in a frozen tundra one minute, and then in the middle of a rainforest the next. You especially can't emerge from that rainforest into a vast desert. However that seems to be how this movie thinks. Also I know it's a movie but why do some tribes speak perfect english and others don't?
And why the fuck was the sabre tooth tiger only in the movie for maybe 2 minutes total. It's on all the god damn posters and is the money shot at the end of almost all of the trailers for the movie so what the fuck? Where is my sabre tooth tiger? I got wooly mammoths out the ass but just one brief sabre tooth tiger appearence?! Ridiculous.
Thankfully the movie is pretty short (about 100 minutes) since I was positive this was going to try and be one of those 2 and a half hour epics. So you're bored, but you're not bored for as long as you could be. That's pretty much the best thing I can say about this movie. I'm choosing to give this movie 2 stars because the wooly mammoth is an underappreciated animal and at least I finally got even just a little sabre tooth tiger action in my movie going life. I could always use much much more however.
**/5
Again proving that I don't know shit about shit when it comes to predicting things at the start of the month, I said that this movie would most likely be the best movie of March. This one and Funny Games which by the looks of it I will actually probably get to see it in theatres which is pretty exciting. I'm sure you already figured it out by that introduction but this movie certainly isn't the best movie of March. It's not even a good movie at all.
Roland Emmerich's movies certainly aren't for everyone. This is the man who made Independence Day (which doesn't hold up as well as you might think) and Day After Tomorrow, which has a really kick ass first hour but then it's like they ran out of money and lost the second half of the script and had to make shit up right there on the spot. These are movies that you either hate, or enjoy purely on a "well at least it's entertaining" level. At the very least I figured this was the level of enjoyment I would get out of 10,000 BC.
I certainly didn't get that level since this movie simply isn't entertaining. I hadn't heard a single good thing about it before I saw it. In fact I hadn't even heard a single mediocre thing about it. Everyone who saw it said it was just bad. I thought it was going to be laughably "oh my god this is so stupid" bad. But if anything, it's just boring. There are a couple of action sequences scattered throughout the movie that are alright, but for the most part nothing really happens and the whole affair is just rather dull.
I do have to comment on one thing though. Now I'm no geographist but I'm pretty damn sure that you can't be walking in a frozen tundra one minute, and then in the middle of a rainforest the next. You especially can't emerge from that rainforest into a vast desert. However that seems to be how this movie thinks. Also I know it's a movie but why do some tribes speak perfect english and others don't?
And why the fuck was the sabre tooth tiger only in the movie for maybe 2 minutes total. It's on all the god damn posters and is the money shot at the end of almost all of the trailers for the movie so what the fuck? Where is my sabre tooth tiger? I got wooly mammoths out the ass but just one brief sabre tooth tiger appearence?! Ridiculous.
Thankfully the movie is pretty short (about 100 minutes) since I was positive this was going to try and be one of those 2 and a half hour epics. So you're bored, but you're not bored for as long as you could be. That's pretty much the best thing I can say about this movie. I'm choosing to give this movie 2 stars because the wooly mammoth is an underappreciated animal and at least I finally got even just a little sabre tooth tiger action in my movie going life. I could always use much much more however.
**/5
Shawn's Drillbit Taylor Review
2008 Movie # 36 - Drillbit Taylor
First off, I like Owen Wilson. I want nothing but good things for Owen Wilson. Good Owen Wilson movies = Bottle Rocket, Wedding Crashers, Royal Tenenbaums, Life Aquatic, Darjeeling Limited (ok so all of the Wes Anderson movies), Shanghai Noon, Starsky and Hutch, Zoolander, Behind Enemy Lines is entertaining in it's own right, Rushmore, Anaconda (fuck you Anaconda rules) and The Cable Guy (i like it).
On the other hand we should just ignore things like the Big Bounce, I Spy, You, Me and Dupree, etc. So now that we've gone through all of Owen's filmography, the conclusion is simple, I like the man. However, Owen Wilson needs to stop making movies that purely rely on him being well...Owen Wilson.
This movie suffers from the same problem that You, Me and Dupree did and that's that the script isn't very funny and sort of just relies on Owen to save things by acting like himself. He does what he can but it's just not enough. It may just be time for Owen to try something different, or maybe just stick exclusively with Wes Anderson, who knows.
My other problem with this movie (aside from the fact that it just isn't that funny) is that it focuses on entirely the wrong story. I was actually pretty interested in the storyline of the three nerds taking on their bully tormentors. However the movie feels that we should be much more interested in Drillbit's story of redemption. Unfortunatly for them, this is not at all the case. This movie should really be about the kid's and really anytime it cut away from them to show Drillbit's side of things, I kind of lost interest. I wanted to see the kids overcome their bullies, not Drillbit.
Speaking of the bully characters, do bullies like these actually exist outside of the realm of film? These guys (the main bully at least) are clearly out of their fucking minds and need to be locked away from the rest of society immediatly. Some of the things they do to these kids would easily lead to expulsion and possibly even jailtime. The fact that it goes completely ignored by both the principal and the parents is just unreal. This movie exists in some sort of bizarre plain of existence where adults are a-ok with this kind of shit going on.
Overall, this movie isn't painful to watch and is even likable at parts, but it doesn't leave anything even resembling a lasting impression after it's over. It has a couple of funny-ish parts but as a comedy it overall mostly fails. I do have to give it partial credit for the parts that focused on the plights of the kids, I was actually quite invested it those.
**/5
First off, I like Owen Wilson. I want nothing but good things for Owen Wilson. Good Owen Wilson movies = Bottle Rocket, Wedding Crashers, Royal Tenenbaums, Life Aquatic, Darjeeling Limited (ok so all of the Wes Anderson movies), Shanghai Noon, Starsky and Hutch, Zoolander, Behind Enemy Lines is entertaining in it's own right, Rushmore, Anaconda (fuck you Anaconda rules) and The Cable Guy (i like it).
On the other hand we should just ignore things like the Big Bounce, I Spy, You, Me and Dupree, etc. So now that we've gone through all of Owen's filmography, the conclusion is simple, I like the man. However, Owen Wilson needs to stop making movies that purely rely on him being well...Owen Wilson.
This movie suffers from the same problem that You, Me and Dupree did and that's that the script isn't very funny and sort of just relies on Owen to save things by acting like himself. He does what he can but it's just not enough. It may just be time for Owen to try something different, or maybe just stick exclusively with Wes Anderson, who knows.
My other problem with this movie (aside from the fact that it just isn't that funny) is that it focuses on entirely the wrong story. I was actually pretty interested in the storyline of the three nerds taking on their bully tormentors. However the movie feels that we should be much more interested in Drillbit's story of redemption. Unfortunatly for them, this is not at all the case. This movie should really be about the kid's and really anytime it cut away from them to show Drillbit's side of things, I kind of lost interest. I wanted to see the kids overcome their bullies, not Drillbit.
Speaking of the bully characters, do bullies like these actually exist outside of the realm of film? These guys (the main bully at least) are clearly out of their fucking minds and need to be locked away from the rest of society immediatly. Some of the things they do to these kids would easily lead to expulsion and possibly even jailtime. The fact that it goes completely ignored by both the principal and the parents is just unreal. This movie exists in some sort of bizarre plain of existence where adults are a-ok with this kind of shit going on.
Overall, this movie isn't painful to watch and is even likable at parts, but it doesn't leave anything even resembling a lasting impression after it's over. It has a couple of funny-ish parts but as a comedy it overall mostly fails. I do have to give it partial credit for the parts that focused on the plights of the kids, I was actually quite invested it those.
**/5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)