January Releases/Shawn's Predictions

Shawn again. Since Jenny still hasn't blogged (what the hell Jenny? what the hell?) I'm going to go ahead and post what's in store for us in January and how I think the month might go down. I'm sure Jenny's thoughts will soon follow....right Jenny? So here's what we got for the first month of our adventure.

January aka The Month Where Studios Dump Their Shitty Movies In Hopes of Maybe Making a Quick Buck

4th
One Missed Call

11th
In the Name of the King : A Dungeon Siege Tale
Veggie Tales: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
First Sunday

18th
Fanboys
Cloverfield
27 Dresses

25th
Rambo
Untraceable
Be Kind Rewind


So here are my predictions on how I think this month will go. To begin with, we have One Missed Call, which I should be seeing on Tuesday. I don't expect much from it, as long as I'm not bored or angry then I'm sure it will get at least a passing grade. From what I'm hearing though, my chances of that might be very slim.

Then we get to the 11th. What a pile of shit we have on the 11th. Not one good one in the bunch. Not even that, not even a tolerable one in the bunch. First off, Veggie Tales, what the fuck is with your name? "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" I don't even know what else to say about it other than what the hell? They must have been seconds away from releasing the advertising for this movie and realized "Shit we don't have a title" and come up with this gem of a name in 6 seconds.

"Hey Ice Cube we have a new comedy script you should look at?"
"Is it funny?"
"Oh good god no"
"Would you say it's painfully unfunny?"
"Yes I would"
"I'll do it!"
As far as I can tell thats the conversation that takes place between Ice Cube and his agent before pretty much every movie he makes. That is also my summary of my thoughts on First Sunday.

As for In the Name of the King, all I need to know is that Uwe Boll is behind it to know it will be bad. Not even "it's so bad it's good" bad, but "it's so bad I would rather be on fire than watching this" bad. I hear it's really long too. Goody.

Now the 18th is when shit gets good. I have been obsessing over Cloverfield for months and months now and can't wait to see it. I will be there opening night to have this movie grab me and relentlessly kick my ass.

Don't have much to say about the other two. Maybe they'll be good, maybe they'll suck. I say they will both be movies that are watchable and that you forget mere seconds after leaving the theatre.

Finally, the 25th could go either way. I won't lie I am pumped as shit for Rambo. I can't wait to see a guy older than my dad kick the shit out of thousands of soldiers. But really he made the new Rocky good, so why not this? Possibly because the other Rambos weren't even that good, but who cares, I'll still be there giddy as hell to watch this one.

Untraceable looks like someone just took a script template full of fill in the blank sections and went from there. Generic looking but it still has some potential. Cool poster though...that we aren't even hanging up in our theatre. What the hell?!

Finally, Be Kind Rewind. The fact it's coming out in January kind of freaks me out but hopefully this one doesn't suck. The trailer is funny as hell. But god help me if this movie turns out to be a disappoint I'm going to set 4 of my co-workers on fire. And then after dousing the flames off them, make them watch Dungeon Siege so they realize "wow I was happier when I was on fire."

So that about sums it all up. That was longer than I expected it to be. Good luck matching that one for sheer length Jenny.

In conclusion, my picks for January are...

Best Movie - Cloverfield
Worst Movie - God this one is tough, either In the Name of King or Veggie Tales