So in the spirit of the occasion I have decided to introduce a brand new feature to the blog in which I simply rant about something movie related (or maybe sometimes unrelated if it's pissing me off enough) that's making me mad. The occasion I'm refering to right now is of course....
How in the FUCK is Meet the Spartans the number 1 movie this weekend?!
I don't even know where to begin on how terrible this is. Granted yes I haven't seen the movie but I've seen Date Movie and Epic Movie and what a fucking waste they are so I can only imagine about this one.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are without a doubt the worst thing to happen to movies since....well ever. I mean Uwe Boll is bad but even he can't touch these fucking clowns. I don't mean clowns as in funny (which does anyone even think clowns are anyway? anyone?) but in the saddest fucking way possible. The fact that they have now written, released and profited from THREE movies means the following things...
1) Society has reached an all new low
2) We're maybe 2 years away from Ass: The Movie becoming a reality (kudos to anyone who gets that reference)
3) You can officially write anything and release it as a movie. In fact, here is my 40 million dollar hit script right here...
SHOW SCENES FROM ANY POPULAR MOVIE THAT'S COME OUT IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS AND HARDLY CHANGE THEM AT ALL. 6 MONTHS IS KEY BECAUSE WE WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT NO JOKES IN THIS MOVIE ARE RELEVANT BY THE TIME IT HITS DVD. ANYWAY, ALL WE'LL DO IS SIMPLY REFERENCE THE MOVIE AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME WE'RE BEING CLEVER. HOWEVER MAKE SURE THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE DO THESE JOKES ACTUALLY BECOME CLEVER OR FUNNY. I REPEAT NOTHING FUNNY GOES IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE! ANYWAY JUST FILL 60 MINUTES WITH THAT AND SOME PUKE AND SHIT JOKES AND WE SHOULD BE GOOD.
THE END
How did that sound? Do you think I have another number 1 hit on my hands here? It's no different than Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans so why the hell not?
I just can't wrap my head around this whole thing. How could people see the commercials for this pile of duck shit and say "Oh my sweet jesus yes!" I mean I know different people find different things funny but come on really?! This isn't comedy! Making pop culture references for the hell of it isn't comedy! It's just fucking lazy! Just because you recognize Spider-Man or Sanjaya doesn't mean it's funny! Something funny has to actually happen with them, not just showing them or acknowledging that they do indeed exist. By that rational I could walk up to anyone who enjoyed this movie and simply say "Donald Trump" and they will laugh their motherfucking ass off.
That brings us to, did anyone really enjoy this movie? I've talked to a few who have yes. The movie had a 0% on rottentomatoes.com for days but now it's been ruined with one good review that's brought it up to a 4%. However this one good review certainly doesn't help the movie's case. Let me demonstrate with a sentence taken from this "good" review.
"One of the film's funnier moments arrives when internet curiosity Chris Crocker appears on screen delivering the "Leave Britney Alone!" rant on YouTube that landed him his 15 minutes of fame."
Ok....so you're saying one of the film's funnier moments is when they show us a youtube video that's already existed for months and has nothing to do with the filmmakes themselves? They just showed us something else funny. By that rational I could release a movie where 3 people simply sit around and watch Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters already exists and is already funny, therefore by showing it my movie is automatically funny now too.
Anyone who says they want to see this movie always follows it with the same thing..."Well I want to see it because it's stupid" or "I want to see how stupid it is." What the fuck? So you're basically admitting you just want to waste 10 dollars. Why not just toss it on the street or pay it to someone to punch you in the face? Maybe that will teach you some sense at least. People like that shouldn't even be allowed to have access to money. I just can't trust anyone who spends money on things "just to see how stupid they are." That's how WWIII is gonna start somehow, you watch. These are the same people who see a movie like There Will Be Blood and say it's boring or see Cloverfield and say "that looks so stupid! Oh my god Meet the Spartans referenced Deal or No Deal! I know what that show is! They are SO FUCKING CLEVER I CAN'T STAND IT!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!".
It just depresses me that we live in a world where in 3 days Meet the Spartans can make more money than fucking Shoot 'Em Up (trust me I'm saving that for a different rant about action movies that will be coming soon).
I think that about does it for my rant. Though I'm sure things won't improve when I actually sit down and watch the movie. Now before I finish up here, I'm aware that some people who enjoyed it don't fit into these categories and are even friends of mine. I still love you guys but if you don't start making better decisions soon, I'm going to have no choice but to steal your dogs.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
yeah, so I'm just straight up going to download this movie and not give them credit for having another person see it. Thank you for your words of wisdom:).
I have to agree except I did pay to see the turd. And Shoot'em Up was pure awesomeness :)
at least you paid for it in order to sneak into other, better movies. so you're partially off the hook there
Post a Comment