Shawn's Prom Night Review

2008 Movie # 49 - Prom Night

Thank god this wasn't movie 50. That's a pretty huge milestone for me and I would hate for it to be tainted by a terrible movie. Thankfully it looks like that position will belong to Forgetting Sarah Marshall so I'm not too worried.

I've ripped this movie apart already in other entries that I've posted but now I've seen it and thankfully I can now confirm that it deserves all the shit that I have given it in the past few weeks. This should be the final nail in the PG-13 slasher genre but of course it made a shitload of money (probably already made its budget back plus much more by now) so if anything we're going to see the number dramatically increase. Goody.

Instead of going paragraph by paragraph let's do this similar to the 27 Dresses review and just do a checklist. This time the theme of the checklist is going to be "Count The Stupid Fucking Things About This Movie."

[] People get stabbed 5 times or more, then we immediatly see a dead body with absolutely no blood on it. I know the PG-13 rating doesn't along much room for gore, but then why even put the knife stabs. It just makes it look retarded.

[] False scares out the ass, which is no real surprise. We get the usual ones of someone appearing behind a character in a mirror when they close a cabinet door, running into characters from offscreen, hallucinating that the killer is standing there and then he's gone, etc. However this one contains probably the dumbest jump scare in history. She runs into a lamp and then screams like it was a fucking dinosaur. Not only that, we clearly see the lamp in the shot and that shes going to back into it. However the movie still has the fucking audacity to play the loud jump scare noise even though they spent forever telegraphing it. EVEN WORSE...the audience screamed! Feel a twitching sensation inside you? That was your faith in humanity leaving.

[] The killer himself makes no real sense. First off, he's a teacher, and yet he escaped from a maximum security prison. How the fuck did he do that?! Did I just miss the explanation?! It wouldn't matter because I'm still being lead to believe a fucking high school teacher escaped from a MAXIMUM security prison. Unless the subject he taught was Magic, I can't buy that. Also, when he gets out, why does he just start killing random people? I thought he was just obsessed with the lead girl? So why is he going out of his way to kill people who have nothing to do with anything? To make the movie more exciting? Cuz guess what...

[] This movie is boring. I can't even fully blame the PG-13 rating for this because even if the kills were gory, it would still be a boring movie. It's characters wandering around calling out each other's names and that's essentially it. There's no suspense or tension at any point.

[] It's all so predictable. There's no doubt how this thing is going to play out. So why does this movie exist? We've seen it 1000 times before, done both better and worse. Well apparently it exists because people still throw fucking money at them. Do teenage girls really have nothing better to do with their money or time than go and see this? Also have they never been to a movie before in their entire lives? How do they not know to shut the fuck up? Then they seem surprised when people complain and they eventually get kicked out.

Anyway I'm getting offtrack. The important thing is that this movie sucks. I might have taken it easier on this movie had it not made so much money because that really fueled the fires of hatred, but even had it flopped it would still be terrible. Unless you're stuck watching every movie that comes out this year, stay far, FAR, away from this one.

.5 / 5