Shawn's 10,000 BC Review

2008 Movie # 37 - 10,000 B.C.

Again proving that I don't know shit about shit when it comes to predicting things at the start of the month, I said that this movie would most likely be the best movie of March. This one and Funny Games which by the looks of it I will actually probably get to see it in theatres which is pretty exciting. I'm sure you already figured it out by that introduction but this movie certainly isn't the best movie of March. It's not even a good movie at all.

Roland Emmerich's movies certainly aren't for everyone. This is the man who made Independence Day (which doesn't hold up as well as you might think) and Day After Tomorrow, which has a really kick ass first hour but then it's like they ran out of money and lost the second half of the script and had to make shit up right there on the spot. These are movies that you either hate, or enjoy purely on a "well at least it's entertaining" level. At the very least I figured this was the level of enjoyment I would get out of 10,000 BC.

I certainly didn't get that level since this movie simply isn't entertaining. I hadn't heard a single good thing about it before I saw it. In fact I hadn't even heard a single mediocre thing about it. Everyone who saw it said it was just bad. I thought it was going to be laughably "oh my god this is so stupid" bad. But if anything, it's just boring. There are a couple of action sequences scattered throughout the movie that are alright, but for the most part nothing really happens and the whole affair is just rather dull.

I do have to comment on one thing though. Now I'm no geographist but I'm pretty damn sure that you can't be walking in a frozen tundra one minute, and then in the middle of a rainforest the next. You especially can't emerge from that rainforest into a vast desert. However that seems to be how this movie thinks. Also I know it's a movie but why do some tribes speak perfect english and others don't?

And why the fuck was the sabre tooth tiger only in the movie for maybe 2 minutes total. It's on all the god damn posters and is the money shot at the end of almost all of the trailers for the movie so what the fuck? Where is my sabre tooth tiger? I got wooly mammoths out the ass but just one brief sabre tooth tiger appearence?! Ridiculous.

Thankfully the movie is pretty short (about 100 minutes) since I was positive this was going to try and be one of those 2 and a half hour epics. So you're bored, but you're not bored for as long as you could be. That's pretty much the best thing I can say about this movie. I'm choosing to give this movie 2 stars because the wooly mammoth is an underappreciated animal and at least I finally got even just a little sabre tooth tiger action in my movie going life. I could always use much much more however.

**/5